i will

Sooo I've been couch potatoing too much, it gave me a headache. Today I was reading Halo: The Fall of Reach for hours after I did my French homework, which is why I was on the couch so long today, though I can't honestly say I would have moved much more if I hadn't had the book. I probably would have tried to find another book, haha.

Anyway, I finished it, and I enjoyed it surprisingly much considering it became straight scifi at the end, all "escape vector three oh four eight" and stuff like that, which is generally too much for me. I think it was mostly the experience of playing the Halo games that made me enjoy even the heavy scifi. It really made me want to replay them, actually, and since Danny's listening to the audiobook, he has the same urge. I imagine we will replay them soon, but first Danny has to finish the audiobook, which is funny since I started my book yesterday and he started it four or five days ago. Understandable though, in the end. He only listens while he's in the car for significant periods of time. I'm glad I finished first; I like knowing the ending so I don't have to risk him giving something away or so he can actually listen to the book while I'm in the car because it doesn't spoil anything for me.

I may read more Halo books, or maybe the Gears of War book. I'm not sure. There's not much else to read. I mean, aside from assigned reading, which of course I fail at doing.

I've been doing well at the gym, generally an hour of cardio plus 15 - 20 minutes of strength training three days a week, plus something small on Saturday or Sunday. Next week my personal trainer course starts.

Today I feel fat, but when I look in a mirror I look fine, which makes me feel good.

Um. Not working much; they don't schedule me Tuesday nights. Valentine's Day's coming up, Danny and I have a $50 giftcard to Friday's. I'm loving him more than ever.

I've been watching the Biggest Loser. I know some people don't do reality TV at all on principle, but it's the only one that I feel isn't retarded. It's a good message and a good goal. And it's inspiring too. You can't watch an episode and then feel right about pigging out or skipping out on the gym. It helps keep you going. I'm going to the gym today with John. Yesterday we were supposed to but I ended up not being able to, so instead I worked on my Carmen Electra DVDs and used the rower at home. Plus a couple other things.

Today I was supposed to work but I called out... mostly because I was feeling very sick, in and out of the bathroom, but also because I hardly slept because I was so upset with Danny. He actually let me leave the room to go sleep in the game room. He didn't come get me. The only reason I came back was because when Justin started moving around getting ready for work, I'd barely gotten to sleep and it woke me, and it was too hot to try to get back to sleep in the game room.

Just a lot of little things added up to make me feel down, and when I tried to talk to him about it he got upset with me. I can't stand that. He wants me to express myself better but he won't freaking listen and doesn't even care. I was so pissed. He made fun of the fact that I don't have as many friends who could be bridesmaids now as he does friends who would be groomsmen, he got angry at me for saying I hadn't seen Gladiator recently enough to recognize one of the actors from it (said I was being "condescending" to him because he had seen it recently), got angry at me for, I don't know, not having the appropriate response to his comment of he's not sure who he'd make best man at the moment in time, he'd just go with me.... what's the appropriate response to that, anyway?

Whatever.

( Sex TMI )

Obviously he didn't want to talk about it in the morning. But he was more... I don't know, gentle, he pet my back without me having to ask, stuff like that, so I took it as something of an apology and let it go. For now at least. But it's not fair that he be angry with me for trying to tell him I'm upset. I know I'm not that articulate when I'm upset and I know he may not understand why I'm upset but he's supposed to fucking give a damn.

And the one night when he was upset with me and he stayed up all night, couldn't sleep, because he was upset and wanted an apology, argh it makes me so mad because it's exactly how I feel all the freaking time but he just doesn't fucking get it.

I do love him. It's just, it's just... not fair.

Well I already posted my resolutions, but now I have to try to stick with them. Already slept until 11 today, so the sleeping less one isn't going so awesome. But Danny's not going to let me set an alarm when one isn't needed, anyway, so on days when neither of us work in the morning, I guess it's whenever he wakes me up. :)

Anyway. New Year's was fun. Some of Danny's work people didn't show up but four of them did, plus Tom and his girl (friends of Dennis and Heather), so we had lots of fun. I ordered pizza at 9 and by 11 it hadn't come so Danny had to yell at a pizza guy on the phone and then we had to go pick it up, but it was free, so whatever.

I'm thinking about going to Bally Total Fitness today because I got a free two week trial inside one of my Christmas presents, but the fact that I'm still sore makes me hesitate. The Maryland gym doesn't reopen until Monday though, so if I want to work out before then Bally will have to do.

And now I want to brainstorm how to improve the start of Blood and Heat. Feel free not to read further, this is just for my benefit.

( Wandering ideas... )

Depressed. Sex stuff. Stupid Danny.

We have secret santa at work today. I have to get something for one of the girls. I may just get an American Express gift card. Impersonal, but she'd appreciate it because she could use it for anything. Blah. And I'm going to the gym with John. And I just want to curl up into a ball and die.

But somehow I made an A in Writers' House.

Took my last final today. Despite the fact that I was missing notes, spent less time studying, and the test included short answers and fill in the blanks, I felt that it was quite a bit easier than my Scantron-ready comm test. I truly disagree with the focus of the testing in that comm course. To get an A in Theater, I need to make 165 out of 200 on the final. That's a low B. I'm pretty sure I'll be fine there. Probably get a high B/low A on the final.

Comm. Probably a B on the final, no idea whether low or high, I dunno. And in stat I have no idea. Will probably make a B in that class, maybe even B-, but I doubt I could do lower than that considering my three other exams were graded pretty high and I only missed one homework and one group activity.

I went to the gym, did 20 minutes of rowing and 20 minutes on the Crosstrack thing, plus my stretching and sit-ups and such. Got a Marie Callender pot pie for dinner and then found out that it's just about the unhealthiest pot pie you can buy, so I won't be buying it anymore. It actually measures 'servings' instead of just the contents of the entire pie, which is like, what? I'm going to microwave it, eat half, and put the rest in the freezer for later? Don't think so. I hate moronic stuff like that.

Bought a planner today and filled in a little bit. I didn't go ahead too far in case I drop/add any classes next semester or anything like that. But I got highlighters to highlight when I miss school or exercise.

I'm watching "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" and I keep yelling at the TV. Can I go on the show? Some of the questions these people don't know are ridiculous. Like the point a lever balances on -- that would be a fulcrum, stupid, they even gave you multiple choice. He guessed right, but he had to guess. Ugh. -headdesk-

I'm pretty red from tanning yesterday. I think she put me on new bulbs because I didn't burn the last couple of times before yesterday. When she asked, "New bulbs or old?" I shrugged and said, "Eh, old are fine." So I guess it's possible she gave me new since I made it pretty clear it didn't matter. I don't mind, I'm just waiting for the red to turn to tan since being slightly lobsterish isn't very attractive.

I've started using the Bowflex. Just a little; I don't want to bulk up at all, just tone and lengthen or whatever. So I've got a couple leg exercises and a couple arm exercises, and occasionally I try the rowing function but it's very annoying compared to using an actual rowing machine.

Ash sent me a package of birthday/Christmas gifts she's been meaning to send for the last couple of years. Ah, I love that girl, and I miss her so much. She got me a little stuffed moose, a necklace (which the moose is wearing as a bridle), pirate earrings, a book by Stephen King on writing, and a gigantic "Don't make me go Zelda on you" shirt (which she said maybe I could use as pajamas... or a tent XD). There were also three cards and a letter.

I haven't sent her anything in a long time, though I used to send her all kinds of stuff. I definitely will again as soon as I find something/have money/have an excuse (one or some combination of these)... and it will probably involve dragons. Apparently even Danny associated Ash with dragons because of how strongly I do. x)

So I'll be applying at Hooters tomorrow. I was supposed to today, but Danny had to work. It gave me time to stop by Target and get a nice white bra since I won't be able to wear my black one under the white Hooters top.

Also Danny's getting sick, and I knew it before he did. It's one of those things that makes me realize how close we are, that little differences in him that show he's getting sick stand out to me. Like how his throat had a little tickle, which might have been nothing, except he was tired earlier than usual (he said it was because he needed to get up early but that doesn't normally make him tired, especially not at 11:30), and his skin was cool to my touch when normally he's so much warmer than me. My baby.

I'm making mac'n'cheese. Velveeta, the only good kind. It's not a real meal, but there's not much else to choose from in the house right now, and even if I was less lazy I don't feel like spending money. Had The Conversation with Justin (Dennis' proxy, I guess?) about me paying rent. I always thought rent was by the room and then split cable/utilities evenly, but then I've never actually done the renting thing before now, and Justin kept emphasizing that we're paying to live in this house and we should each pay. Danny talked him down to a 250/250/250/150 split since I'm not taking up any of their personal space, just using the bathroom/kitchen.

This means at the beginning of next semester I'll have to spend not just some nights at my dorm, but the majority of them if I don't want to pay rent. I'm sure I'll stay two nights a week with Danny, maybe three sometimes to regularly. We'll see. I hope I get the College Park Starbucks; that would make it easier.

...Just ate the mac'n'cheese.

( wisereaders/writing stuffs )

My icon doesn't even try to match today... but I just uploaded a couple new House icons by everlyn, and I wanted to use one.

I don't know if I've mentioned it, but I've been rowing lately. At first on Danny's suggestion, I would row one time at the gym, then do the stair stepper and crosstrack the next time. From now on, though, I'm just going to row. I row for thirty minutes, and then I jog/run varying lengths depending on how rowing tired me out. Today I ran a half mile before doing my customary one lap sprint (not that I made the entire lap this time, I was exhausted). When I was rowing today, there was a crew team beside me, and they worked out a little harder than I typically do (because they only row in five minute increments, walking a lap between each). I ended up synchronizing with them half-unconsciously, and carried on the same way but a tad slower even when they took their breaks, so it was pretty tiring. But it felt good, too. It was an excellent workout.

Medieval Times Thursday night was great. It's such a great experience. We even had the same knight as last year, same color, even though they rotate colors regularly. And he kicked ass again, even though he still didn't get to win since the overall hero is scripted. The story was different this time, though. There was a 'captured prince' who came back at the end to be the hero. Last time the red knight won. We talked to our knight after the show, and he said it's the first time in four years they've changed the story. He was really cool, and exceptionally tall, but completely proportional. We didn't realize how tall he was when we were in the stands.

Well, I have to go get dressed for work. George is driving people up the wall again. Ibrahim was going freaking crazy last night when I closed with him because of all the stuff George expected him to do. Ha. We didn't get out until 10:05. We used to always get out at about 9:20.

Anyway, gotta go. For real.

Danny's back from Vegas, that's good news. He's been back since Thursday. I went to pick him up with his mom in my nice black dress, which he liked. He got me this awesome outfit from Vegas, a twirly skirt and a tight matching shirt; I love it to pieces, and so does he when I'm wearing it ;D

Anyway. I have a paper due next Tuesday, a speech that could be due as early as next Thursday (there are a few days of speeches, we're having a lottery to determine the order of presentation), and a paper due the following Monday. Luckily the papers aren't too bad; the speech, though, might be a little rough. 6 - 8 minutes, I have to find an article/speech/etc about my topic (the negative impact of organized religion on society), dissect it, and argue whether it's sound or stupid. Including doing research for or against. So I need to make a trip from the library, because that seems a safer bet for research than teh internets, especially with all the complaining my comm teacher does about wikipedia.

So yeah. I think I know how to go about my honors seminar paper. It only has to be four pages, and while it troubled me at first, I puzzled out a plan on the toilet (always a good thinking place), and I think I'll be okay. The speech, though, I need to get started on, and soon. And the history paper (5 - 10 pages), but I'll probably start worrying about that after section on Monday. That'll give me a week, which is okay considering it's not actually a research paper. I hate research papers.

Ah, and exercise. I've been keeping up. I exercise everyday except when I go out with Danny and we get too busy to really think about it. I'm getting better. I can maintain a higher speed on the elliptical trainer without my heart exploding; toward the end my heart rate was 180, but through most of it I was around 174. I did 100 sit ups, 10 leg lifts, and 10 push ups at the gym, not to mention my stretches, and then went up the rock wall (which killed my forearms). Later that night at my dorm, I did 50 more push ups (in increments of 10, with five to ten minute breaks between some of them). That was yesterday, by the way. It seems like a long time ago since I had a nap today.

Anyway, tonight I have martial arts. Two hours. Hopefully my endurance is better now and they can't dish out anything I haven't been doing myself already. The only real difference is that martial arts is all compacted into two hours, whereas I can workout throughout the day if I want. Not that I do. I guess I just workout a little harder in a shorter amount of time. But a little harder in a significantly shorter amount of time doesn't work out exactly right. Oh well. My endurance'll catch up.

So tomorrow will be my first day of Monday classes. I'll have to find time to go to the gym... I mean, I could just run, but I'd prefer to go to the gym. I could go after class, but I wouldn't have time to do the rock wall afterward. I suppose I could do the rock wall first, except I at least want to stretch first, and I won't have time. I could go between JOUR100 and HONR100 -- that's about two and a half hours, that's enough time. The whole showering thing will suck though. I'll work it out.

I'm listening to Laura on the phone with her parents, phasing in and out of English and... I guess Taiwanese? I don't know exactly what. But it's interesting to notice how the speech inflections are completely different from English. That's the writer in me coming out.

Anyway. So Danny left for Vegas this morning. We went to bed just before 3 and woke up at 6:30. Arty drove us... he's a weird kid. He asked me on the way back, when he was driving me to College Park, if there were any creepy guys in my dorm, so I told him about the kid from my Creative Writing seminar... who isn't exactly creepy, but who didn't seem to care that I have a boyfriend... and Arty said that to a lot of guys if your boyfriend doesn't go to the same school, if he isn't around all the time, then he doesn't matter. Like they can still edge in. He said a lot of guys just assume a lot of girls will cheat... or something like that. I didn't reply, my mind was already moving on to another subject, but a minute later he said, "You don't have to reply to that, that was awkward." Haha. "I took it as rhetorical," I told him. He's a strange guy in some ways, but harmless, and nice enough.

Danny'll be in Vegas until Thursday, which isn't bad considering I'll have school through Thursday so I might not have seen him anyway. I hope he has fun, but I do wish I could go... and I was 21 so I could actually DO stuff if I went...

So yeah. The schoolwork isn't so bad. It isn't really necessary to close read a lot of the assigned reading -- skimming is fine because lecture covers the pertinent info from the reading. I had a group assignment in COMM200, but I did the hard part and it didn't take long. Hopefully my group members will mostly be able to copy-paste-rearrange what I sent out -- tweak and improve it.

I'm working out regularly. It's weird to say since it hasn't even been two weeks of working out regularly yet, but I've been on top of it with no reluctance or anything. And I go to Black Belt Club Tuesdays and Thursdays from 8:30 to 10:30 at night. My workout outside the club consists mostly of twenty minutes on the elliptical trainer, stretching, sit-ups (not necessarily in that order), and climbing the rock wall since I can't do push-ups. If I'm at Danny's, I run. I'm learning to pace myself so I can actually run the full mile... then sit-ups, and stretching still. I'm gonna try to do maintenance stretching on "days off" from exercising, and hardcore stretching whenever I go to the gym. Anyway, since it's been just more than a week, my muscles are still adjusting. It's not really painful, just uncomfortable.

I'm also getting sick, it seems. A tiny bit of a runny nose and a sore throat. Wonderful, right?

So far it hasn't rained, but that'll suck. For classes and for working out. The temptation to just not go out in the rain at all will be great. Especially since I don't have an umbrella... I should invest in one of those. Or a poncho or something.

Aaaand I was a little nervous, but I did exempt out of JOUR181 with an 88-point-something... I'm glad because I was expecting a bare pass, like an 80 even or something, haha. I'm so glad because that frees up my Wednesday. I have one lecture at 9 in the morning and the rest of the day is mine. Or my job's once I get one... lol. Speaking of which... I really hope someone hires me. I applied at Starbucks and filled out a multi-purpose campus application... I suppose I should go looking around some more. I could apply to become a shuttle bus driver for $10 an hour except I hate driving...