karriezai: ([asoiaf] the pointy end)
So I fail at updating, but meh.

The holidays were fun. I spent them with Danny and his family, as usual. We both got lots of good stuff, but his parents always take way better care of us than we deserve. Danny actually went into a bookstore to get my gifts, which is like a present in itself.

New Years Eve we spent in Virginia with Aaron, Matt, and Claire. It was Aaron's birthday, too, so double the celebration. Morgan was there, but she's completely different... she was dressed very nicely, if maybe a little skankily, and flirting with two guys most of the night, dirty dancing with another, who subsequently took her home. Matt knew the guy apparently; he got a text something like this: "Dude I'm with this chick Morgan, she's so drunk, I'm getting lucky tonight." I didn't see it, but Danny did and told me afterward. I think Danny tried to avoid thinking about it. It's hard for him to see her like that when he wants to take care of her. I asked him, if they were still close friends, what he would say to her. And he said he wouldn't have let her get this far. (How he would stop her is beyond me, but eh.)

New Years Day, Danny and his dad went to a Redskins game (which made everybody else go D: but his dad had been gunning for them to go to a game together all season so I found it hard to be more than disappointed) while I stayed home and had dinner with Sue and her side of the family. Which mostly consisted of old people talk.

Over the holiday season, I went on a lottery playing streak. Very disappointing, haha. I was relieved when the jackpot finally broke (it got pretty high). But Danny and I did have fun imagining what we would do with that much money.

We're looking for condos because the living situation here is just... going downhill. Roy insists on raising the rent for real and says if we don't pay the new amount next month he'll keep us out of the house with a shotgun until we pay. Someone broke my glasses (or at the VERY least found them on the floor broken) and didn't own up to it, so now I have to wear contacts all the time. Everything's a mess basically.

I was looking through Danny's email to find the VA approval letter he got for our home loan once we find a condo we want, and found two emails he sent himself in his notes back in October: Morgan's number in one (around the time he insisted on deleting it from his phone) and a half-drugged/asleep text she sent him around that same time. I can't really be mad because that's all over now, but at the same time, it's another thing he kept from me. Stupid, stupid man. Sometimes I wonder if I ever got the full story out of him. And if he'll ever stop keeping things from me "to protect me" or because I "really don't need to know". What a jerk.
karriezai: ([asoiaf] dark wings dark words)
...but my updates are.

The aftermath of the me-Danny-Morgan thing. It's really over this time. No. Really. )

Erm, I gave up on NaNo. With the stress of conflict with Danny and school put together, it just wasn't doable this month. Or at least... I didn't have the energy. I have a lot of stuff due this week. In math, the second part of the portfolio. The science lesson apparently got moved back, so maybe not that. In classroom management, I have stuff due and overdue; of the three assignments, I can probably get two done without going back to my internship first. In reading, a book club reflection on a book I haven't read yet and won't get until later this week, so I'll be asking for an extension probably. In language arts, two case reports and my mini lesson report. Which I forgot to have my mentor fill out the rubric for. Damn. Guess that portion will be late.

Blah. Anyway. Life.
karriezai: ([house] excellent disguise)
It's not just me right?

It's weird that my boyfriend is actively looking for a texting phone to buy a female coworker because she complained that it's hard to text on her phone.

Right?

On the one hand I feel like I'm mildly more paranoid than I ought to be after the Morgan thing. On the other hand, I do think I have that right, at least if it's something genuinely... not typical for one guy with a girlfriend to do for another girl (who does happen to have a boyfriend, not that it really matters in this situation).

ETA: He said he was joking. Why are his jokes never funny?

meh.

12/11/10 19:26
karriezai: ([asoiaf] fear cuts)
I don't really want to talk about it just yet.

But suffice to say, I'm feeling more normal, and even though our last conversation didn't go super well on a technical level, it still left me feeling almost inexplicably better about him really wanting me as opposed to logicking himself into it. Which was really the hardest part.

I'm not so scared anymore. This seems much more manageable now.

ETA )
karriezai: ([kh] [akuroku] sticks totally gay for)

Had another talk with Danny. Well another breakdown. I told him I didn't feel loved, like he was telling me and telling himself but I couldn't feel it. He said he was sorry for the distance but it's hard...

Basically this is where it stands. In a way, he was dating another girl for the last two years and he just broke up with her, so he's mourning. And having me here makes it better but harder at the same time. He really isn't sure about us because he's in so much pain it's hard for him to tell whether we can be happy again.

All of this kills me, of course. The person I most want comfort from is him but he can't really give it. But I'm willing to wait it out, at least a while. The truth is that I want to be with him and that while this hurts like crazy it doesn't change that basic fact. I'm going to have a lot of trust issues to work out with him, but I can wait on that until he makes up his mind. I do think we'll be together in the end. He just needs time to heal.

In the meantime I have to balance my need for comfort with his need for space. He wants things to be normal because if we don't try to return to our normal lives this will never heal. I understand that.

In a way this explains a whole hell of a lot. He told me he's not a lovey person and I'll have to learn to deal with it, but I pointed out that we had no problem with physical intimacy in the beginning, and my needs there haven't changed. It's gotten worse and worse over the last few months, and now that I see the whole picture I think his conflict over Morgan has been a huge part of that. I'm hoping that now that that door is closed, he can heal properly and we can be closer without him pushing me away.

We'll figure it out in time I think. I hope.

void

10/11/10 16:56
karriezai: ([hp] avada kedavra)
My life right now is a black hole.
karriezai: ([hp] [puff] not a powerpuff)
Oh my god I'm going to kill this man.

So of course he's not going to stop posting on Morgan's Facebook completely; this is understandable. Balance would be nice is all, not posting on hers more than anyone else's, you know. (Though he stopped posting entirely after our conversation, hasn't posted on anyone's up until today, and it's Morgan's again, so maybe it's NOT okay. I don't know.)

But what does he comment on? The poem she wrote. "Best poem ever." Fuck him.

I posted on his wall: "Jerk. Way to go reading some other girl's writing."

To be honest, I'm not overly mad. I'm just... I dunno, I can't believe he'd be that retarded. He KNOWS how much it bothers me that he doesn't give a crap about my writing. I could kick him IN THE BALLS. I don't even understand how he can be so insensitive and stupid. Is he trying to upset me?

When will this be over?

It's something new every other fricken day.

I want to go beat the crap out of something.

ETA: Talked to him. Made me madder how much it took to get him to understand why it was an insensitive thing to do. The difference between a short Facebook poem that he reads voluntarily and me trying to get him to read or listen to me talk about my writing without being totally begrudging... blah. It was a Michael Jackson poem, and I understand that that's why he read and liked it, and I understand that if it had been someone else who posted it then it wouldn't have been a big deal, so maybe it's not exactly fair. But under the circumstances, yes, it upset me. And I just wish he could understand that without me having to spell it out.

I also started to express to him that I wish that I could just randomly do something like that that he would appreciate. I meant it as... it bothers me that Morgan just wrote this Michael Jackson poem (composed of an amalgam of his lyrics) for the hell of it and he loved it, but I've never done anything spontaneous like that that he's loved. But he just took the beginning of my sentiment and interjected with, "But you don't! Your statuses aren't anything that makes me want to comment on them!" or something along those lines. Which, of course, doesn't help. I didn't realize my life was so boring to him. He accused me of making all of my status updates complaints about him, which isn't true at all. There have been some, certainly, but also lots of oddball ones and lots of stress venting about school. He didn't even comment on the one about me wearing my Hooters outfit to work for Halloween. I understand that he's so close to me he knows what's going on in my life. Maybe it's not worth commenting on. But whatever. Just... going back over everything--the statuses of hers he has commented on, the ones of mine he hasn't--I can't help but be bothered. Like this is worth commenting on more than anything I've said in the last two weeks?: "Yay for morning rushes. All I want is a sweatshirt and venti latte."

This is going to drive me nuts. I know at this point that I'm overreacting. But it just keeps building. With him saying he's sorry and then going on to do something even more insensitive. FUCK.

suck.

2/11/10 20:35
karriezai: ([asoiaf] bugger everything)
Have not written yet for NaNo. Don't really have the energy. Kinda depressed, even. Had another talk with Danny last night, this time about his lack of physical affection. He made it sound like I'm asking for too much. I don't think I am, but whatever; I decided to back off and let him come to me when he wants to for a while, and then decide if that's often enough for me. If I can give it a good, honest week of me not touching him unless clearly invited, it should give me a good idea of whether I can tolerate this business.

Looked up more houses. Feels kind of silly at this point but I have to look forward, and we can't live here much longer one way or another.

I'm pretty scared of all the serious talks we've been having lately. Danny told me last night... what did he say? Something like he loves me but he can't be physically affectionate the way I want him to be, and if that's a problem then he doesn't know what will happen... or something. I don't know. I'm afraid of where this is leading. It just seems very one-sided. He says he loves me and I'm the most important person to him but I'm the one who's always done all the changing and trying. Maybe that's not fair--I mean, before me he was out at the bars with his friends all the time, but I'm not sure if that was a change just because of me. He might not go back to that now regardless.

I told him I want to take him out to eat tonight and he said sorry, he just ate Chipotle. And he just called to ask if it's okay if Carol and Lena come over to try out the Kinect. I mean... I like them, they're nice girls, and if I wasn't feeling low I'd think it was a great idea. But I'm not going to say no. There's no point in me turning them away to mope, after all. I told him I don't care either way.

School is a tangled mess too. Our science methods professor just told us that anyone who missed class has to write a six-page paper relating this article he gave us to what we've seen in class. And a classmate just told me there's an additional assignment if you've missed more than one day, which I have. We don't have time for that sort of crap. I looked up the university attendance policy and it said the professor needs to put their own participation/how attendance affects grades policy in the syllabus and/or let us know at the beginning of the year, which he didn't. The syllabus just says attendance is important, let him know ahead of time if there's a conflict with getting to class so arrangements can be made... you know, the basic if you miss a due date or assignment because of an unexcused absence, you don't get credit sort of deal. And I haven't missed anything like that. So it shouldn't be allowable, and if it comes to it I'll address it with the university. Preferably if other students will back me up.

And I just haven't felt like doing anything. I let my assignments slide until the last second. Today I was running late to class because I stayed at home an extra fifteen minutes to finish an assignment, and on the way to school I rear-ended another car. The light turned green and the two cars in front of me started to go, but then all of a sudden decided to stop. Well, my brakes aren't so great. I didn't stop fast enough. The driver in front of me was a Hispanic guy, probably no insurance, since he just told me it was fine and didn't take my insurance info. Seeing as my car's already a bit of a mess, there was nothing but a bit of paint damage, and I don't want my insurance record marked up again, I was fine with this. And it was almost lucky since it was a reason to be late to class.

Blah. Life. Hate it.

miffed.

31/10/10 10:30
karriezai: ([avatar] katara icicle up the ass)
So I swear half of all Danny's Facebook comments are on Morgan's statuses. Still. And he refuses to put her number back in his phone but they still text, it just shows the full number. He has no confidence in himself and said the reason he doesn't put her number back in is so he doesn't drunk dial her. He says he wants to distance himself from her and go incommunicado unless she texts him first, but that doesn't apply to Facebook apparently. And he can't be friends with girls (...or else what...?) but it sure seems like he's still trying with her.

This annoys the HELL out of me but I don't want to bother with bringing it up because it causes such a commotion and I always end up feeling bad for feeling bad, and he never wants to tell me what he's feeling anyway.

I wouldn't feel so paranoid if he wasn't so closed off and self-contradictory about it all. Like... if he honestly thought he could be friends with girls, okay. But he doesn't. So what the fuck is he doing?
karriezai: ([avatar] sweetheart/bitterheart)
Morgan reactivated her Facebook. Talking to her makes me pretty deeply sad, but I think it'll pass. I suppose if we want to be real friends again we'll have to sit down and talk... but we'll see.

Bit of TMI )

Anyway. Suffice to say. I did not sleep at all last night, and I was run down all day at my internship. My fifth graders were asking me what was wrong with my eyes and I had to explain I didn't get any sleep and my eyes were protesting, but a couple of the intuitive ones did not miss the fact that puffy eyes come from crying.

Fuck my life right now.

It'll get better. But I think... this might be the lowest I've been... maybe ever, and if not, certainly in a long while.

blargh.

25/10/10 23:18
karriezai: ([misc] [scar] omgwtf?)
Learned today that Morgan asked Danny if he would consider leaving me. Me being the person I am, what disturbed me most about this was the simple fact that Danny's just now telling me even though I asked him last week if he'd told me everything since I know his tendency for leaving things out. I'm a little weirded out that Morgan would ask it, but not angry. I guess I kind of get it. I wouldn't do it personally, mainly because my thought process would go something like this: It would hurt her so much... but I want to know... but do I really want to be with a guy who'd leave his girlfriend of four years like that...? Best not to ask. Roughly.

If I'm mad at her for anything, it's for blaming her ruptured ovarian cyst (that the doctors said is stress-induced) on Danny. What an evil thing to do. I felt and feel horrible for her being in pain and having to go to the hospital, but you don't blame that sort of thing on someone else. It wasn't Danny's fault. And who could have known she would react so strongly to the whole thing?

Anyway, it's fine. I told Danny I need to be able to trust he's being honest with me, especially when I ask him if he's left anything out. He said there were more feelings than his involved and he didn't think it was okay to tell me that and betray Morgan's trust, but I told him, "That's something I deserve to know." And it's true. Even though I'm not mad at her over it--even if I had been mad--it's something he should have told me. She's my friend too, and I have the right to evaluate our friendship based on her willingness to take my boyfriend. -sigh-

He also said I would have been angry and blamed him despite the fact that he told her no. In response I laughed. "Let me ask you something. Have I, during this whole thing, gotten angry?" "No." "I'm not angry now, I wouldn't have been then. You should have told me." I basically made it clear that in the future I want him to tell me everything.

Note to self: need to find gelatin-free Jello to make Jello shots for Koontz's party on Saturday.
karriezai: ([asoiaf] armored courtesy)
Recap of events leading up to awkwardness:

For those who don't know, Morgan is Danny and my friend. We met her through Danny's work when he was still commuting over to Virginia. She worked at the Starbucks there, and then he hired her when she applied to Gamestop. There was a fairly brief time period when I was jealous of Danny's relationship with her which started when our texting bill was outrageously high for the first time due to all the texts Danny had been sending to her, resulting in us having to get unlimited texting. (It was, seriously, retarded.) Anyway, this jealousy was due to some serious parallels between us: we had and have tons in common, and she reminded me of me back when Danny started dating me, right down to her working at Starbucks and him being her supervisor.

I got over this just fine in time because Danny and I have a trusting relationship and because he assured me it was more like a big brother relationship (which makes perfect sense seeing as he's eight years her elder, which is a lot when you're considering she was underage at the time). Some posts on the issue from back when it WAS an issue, in order chronologically: here, here, here, and here. They show a clear progression from mildly worried to almost irrationally angry to starting to get over it but still annoyed. (Also, I didn't link it, but I found the entry about his texting with her: he went over by 300 texts that month, more than double the texts our plan allotted at the time, and cost us $30.)

Anyway, pretty boring since then. We don't get to hang out with Morgan much when we're all so busy and she's in Virginia while we both live and work in Maryland now. So Saturday was her birthday, and I forgot to take off work so I could hang out when she came over that evening. I told them I'd try to get off as early as possible but I wasn't sure how plausible it would be, and told them to come visit me at work, so they did. And then they went home (to Danny's parents' house, since we were puppy sitting) and hung out and started drinking for the three-ish other hours I still ended up working, and then I came home and joined them, and we had a fun night other than Danny kidney-punching me and twisting my thumb in a more painful way than usual, which made me angry at him all night but I pushed it away to have fun for Morgan until we went to bed.

So yesterday when I got off work, I asked Danny if he wanted me to come by his midnight release, and he said yeah, there was something he wanted to talk to me about. )

ETA: Talked to Danny. Feel all better. :D

bleargh.

9/10/10 01:09
karriezai: (Default)
Sometimes I just want to kick Danny somewhere unpleasant. )

In other news, one of the hostesses at work tonight had a seizure. Apparently she's epileptic, so it's not entirely unusual for her, but it freaked the hell out of everyone else, especially since she fell and hit her head pretty hard. (ETA: She's fine, just embarrassed--not that she should feel embarrassed, but you know how it is. I swear I'm not a callous excuse for a human being, but I already knew she was alright so concern didn't make its way into my entry when I wrote this. It was, after all, one in the morning.) It was a long night, but I made $129, and I needed it. We're looking at houses now because Dennis' brother is raising the rent to $700 plus the $200 we pay in electric for this craphole we live in, which just isn't worth it for a house with no central air or heat and with a leaky ceiling.

Also. Synopsis for Homesake:

"In Somnion, men don't have magic anymore. Legends say that they displeased the gods, and that their magical gifts were taken away as punishment--but the gods left magic in nature as a reminder of what mankind lost. This world is home to Grey, a deserted soldier from the King's Steel in Lumina, and to Kayden, who defies legend with the dragon blood that runs in his veins and gives him the ability to control fire. When these two men come together, Kayden's need for protection on his journey north provides the perfect cover for Grey to hide from any who might try to track him down after his desertion--but what starts mostly as convenience turns into a cause that Grey is deeply entrenched in. Together, these young men will awaken the lost dragons, and along the way discover disturbing truths about the king Grey deserted and the kingdom where his loyalty still lies."

I went to a writing meetup in Columbia yesterday evening, and it was fantastic. It's for writers of YA fiction, which Homesake is even if I don't always write YA. The people are great, and atmosphere really fit for me, and I'm excited to go back. I don't think I'll even bother with trying the Silver Spring group again now that I've found a group with such great chemistry.
karriezai: ([avatar] halp!)
I am in such a slump. I just have no desire to write. Or at least zero motivation. Or, well, I'm not sure how you describe it--all I mean is that no writing is getting done, and I'm super stuck.

I took my final yesterday in MATH111. I skipped SO MUCH class--honestly, out of 28 days I only went for around seven or eight, including exam days. I took two quizzes (got a 10/10 on each) and got some form of participation points for one day, so I'm optimistically hoping that I have 25 quiz/participation points. I got a 95 on the first exam, and I'm not sure about the second exam but I know I got one question set wrong so I'm estimating an 85. IF that is correct, given that I need 360 points to get a B in the class and the final is worth 150... oh crap. Okay, so I'm pretty much guaranteed a C. Bah. That'll be my first C... ever. D: I mean, it's possible I got higher on the second exam, but even still I'd have to ace the final and I know for a fact that I made a silly little rounding mistake that will probably lose me at least some credit on a couple questions.

Blah. Oh well, I guess.

Back to writing... I'm changing Blood and Heat around, putting more focus on Grey and changing the locale to Duos instead of the west. But that involves, well, a lot of change. And development of Duos that I hadn't gotten around to yet. And my phobia: making a realistic kingdom. It's hard for me to figure out how to make a king evil when he still has enough respect to BE king. -headdesk- Plus, I'm thinking about starting earlier, maybe even back when Grey was accepted into the king's guard, but I'm afraid of putting that much of a gap between the beginning of the book and introducing Kayden. Grey's becoming more of the main character, which is cool, but Kayden is still supposed to share the spotlight.

And then there's how in the hell to introduce Kella. I want Grey to meet Kayden first, and Kella could complicate things. Unless I did something really out there, like making Kella a friend of Grey's to start with--which would introduce its own problems but could be a lot of fun if I worked it out right... It would make Kella even less trustworthy. It would be very difficult to do well though. -headdeskheaddesk-

Danny and I are going to Ocean City tonight. It keeps getting shorter; bad timing all around, and as mad as I am at his work, it would have been easier to work out if I didn't have summer classes to limit my own time. But at least my limitations were solid, they didn't move around or appear out of nowhere. We originally scheduled a vacation for this Tuesday-Thursday and paid for a hotel by the beach, which would have been amazing, until his work decided to announce that his inventory would be on Thursday. So we moved it to this weekend, but then his FIFA tournament was moved to this weekend. It was supposed to be Sunday, so we were going to leave yesterday after my final. Leaving around noon, we would have gotten there with PLENTY of time yesterday and then all day today. But then he realized, no, his FIFA thing was today, so we have to wait for him to get home so we can go to Ocean City, so we'll be lucky if we get there while it's still light out... We can stay tomorrow, but it's still less time, and it pisses me off. D:

Eh. We're watching True Blood, and I'm really enjoying it. I really like Eric now and I'm basically rooting for Bill to disappear or die and for Sookie and Eric to end up together... lol.

suck

4/1/10 15:34
karriezai: ([misc] [scar] omgwtf?)
Danny made me mad last night. I slept in the other room. He didn't comment on it this morning. I don't have time to go into it further.

Made Honorable Mention again in Writers of the Future, this time for Unjoined. Which is great of course; the email said I made top 5% of entries. But not what I was hoping for. Now to think of a new idea. I'm not sure I can get more creative than Unjoined, lol.

Work is screwed all to hell. I'm going in early today. Whoever's making the schedule must be a moron because there's all these gaps in coverage or one person comes in as the last person leaves so we can't stock because there's no overlap. I'm trying to apply at Hard Times Cafe in College Park; I ate there for the first time the other day and it looks pretty awesome, plus it's close to school. The owner isn't there today or I would have gone to poke around. Maybe tomorrow.

Made a doctor's appointment to have this rash I've had for months (I think from the Starbucks water) looked at. I don't see what they're going to say. There's a zillion things that can start a rash and I can't imagine how they'd figure out what's the right cause. But Danny insisted that I go to the hospital for it so I'm going on Friday.

Got to go to work.
karriezai: ([nano] novelist in the making)
48018 / 50000
(96.04%)

I'm soo close. I could probably win tonight if I wanted but I'd rather try to have a good time with Danny. He really upset me not long ago and I'm hoping he'll make me feel better. He can be such an asshole, and he's so caught up on appearances, where I'm not in the least. Sometimes we clash because of it.

But with less than 2,000 left, I'm sure I can win tomorrow if I put my mind to it. If not, I don't work Monday, so I'll have plenty of time that evening. I'm scared that the validator will give me a smaller word count than Word so I plan to pad my word count out a little anyway. Nearly there!
karriezai: ([witticisms] [house] lay eggs)
So work, school, Danny, and Stories have kept me too busy to think about posting. This summer session is almost over, and thank god because my junior english teacher is the worst teacher I've had in my entire life. At first I thought she was just annoying, but not the worst; recently I've decided that she is, in fact, the absolute worst, no doubts about it.

Ranting about the evil teacher )

So that's incredibly frustrating. Enraging, really.

My other summer class is much nicer. More appropriate, I think. There's an appropriate amount of work--we've had two projects that require out-of-class work, plus normal class stuff (keep in mind these are only 6 week courses)--and she grades more normally, if not more relaxed than normal.

Stories has slowed down considerably but I haven't lost hope. I do wish I had more methods for speeding things up there, but it's difficult. I don't know what else I can add. I need to send out an activity check. I think I'll go do that.

And work stuff. I think I'll skip that for now.
karriezai: ([hp] [puff] loyal badger)
I've been neglecting this, eh?

Mm so. Stories is still going very well, better than I would have hoped. I have about 15 active members (active enough to have posted a portfolio, at least), and there are tons of stories posted already. One completed challenge, one soon to be complete. I've just finished renovating the site to expand on certain areas and better organize everything, as well.

I'm very excited about it. I'm seriously considering the vague floating idea I've had in the past since it actually seems like a possibility now: once the site gets big and popular, expanding it onto a paid website. There would be a lot of things to look into first, but I would totally go for it if it looked plausible. I would add a Paypal button for (completely optional) donations, and/or perhaps have certain extra features on accounts that you can pay for if you want to, but normal accounts would be free. Maybe even a store with logo'ed out stuff! Any donations/money received would go toward maintaining/expanding the site and, if possible, providing paid prizes for certain contests.

I think it would be awesome. If I could manage it. Try not to hope so much right now! -headdesk- But ah, the ideas. Maybe I'll compile them at some point. Mm.

Anyhoo. Working, schooling, Danny got a new TV. He's been very irate with me for how much time I spend on Stories. I understand it, but that doesn't make it easier to stop in the middle of something I'm really excited about. There's just always something going on there. But meh.
karriezai: ([zelda] navi repeating self)
I finally gave up on Stories. I found a website with a decently active, well-organized writing section, so I set up shop there. Unfortunately, I haven't been getting any feedback on my stuff so far, but I'm still very new. I figure as I participate in challenges and discussion and such more people might take interest in my crap. I also have to review other people's stuff, of course! Oh right, that website is here. It's mostly a graphics site, so it's actually surprising that it has the best writing section I've seen so far. I've already participated in one challenge, though it's not over yet so I don't know how I did. I imagine the deadline will end up extended since it's over in two days and only two people have entered. There's also a new challenge up that I plan to try writing something Eysuria-based for. I figure if I can, I should always make my challenge entries from Eysuria.

Um right so. I got wasted out of my head Saturday night. Justin had a bunch of his friends over and I just drank way too much. I don't remember most of it. I'm pretty embarrassed, but luckily they're all a very understanding group. What gets me about it is that Danny got annoyed and frustrated by the way I was acting, and when I ended up throwing up in bed (ew, by the way, you know it's a bad night when not only do you throw up but it's not in a toilet/trash can/sink) he just left me there, went and blamed other people for letting me get so drunk, and then went to sleep in the game room. Heather came in an took care of me. She stripped the bed, set me up with a pillow with a towel over it in case I threw up again (I did), and even slept in there with me. I ended up waking up at 7:30 or so and wandering into the game room to fall asleep with Danny, though I don't remember that part.

So yes, I was very upset with Danny. I mean, of course it was really my fault for getting so wasted, but if anyone's supposed to look out for me, it's him. He can't blame other people for letting me drink so much. And I can't believe he didn't take care of me, he just let Heather do it. What an asshole. I understand that he was tired and I was irritating in my drunkenness, but at that point I had no control over any of it, and he should have understood that. I talked to him about it. He was not at all apologetic. He told me he didn't deserve to get thrown up on, and when he was at this age and getting wasted out of his head, there was no one to take care of him. He cleaned up all his own messes and sometimes, yes, slept in blood or vomit. I told him that it's different now, we do have each other, and I would always be there for him no matter how frustratingly drunk he got. The closest thing I got to an apology from him was, "Well from now on let's make sure we always take care of each other. Let's not let either one of us drink that much again. Especially me. I'm old now. I'd still be passed out now if it had been me." Or something like that.

But yeah. Once again proving that our roommates are such genuinely good people. I couldn't thank Heather enough.

I desperately need a nap; I got like five hours of sleep last night, and the sleep I got while fucked out of my brain the night before didn't really do anything for me. So I'm probably going to be falling asleep here in a few minutes. And when I wake up I have to go to a Starbucks I found that's actually hiring and hit up the manager.
karriezai: ([asoiaf] dark wings dark words)
Okay few things I wanna cover, better list them first because when I get into one I might forget the others.

* Summer class
* Extreme work suckage
* How writing goes
* Another urge to make a website

School is easy. Basically I had my first summer class this morning. It's small. The teacher has the craziest chalk board writing--by that I mean that she writes fast as hell, but it's all very neat and straight, the letters bold and easy to read. The class is going to be easy--it's like geometric concepts up through 8th grade with an emphasis on ways of teaching them. Which is nice. I'm only concerned about getting bored or deciding I can afford to miss too many classes.

Also, since I'm in summer classes, I can go to the gym! I'll have to make use of that. I've been seriously slacking lately.

And Hooters dumps another load of crap on my head. )

Writing, or more accurately, worldbuilding. )

Writing community idea. )

Um so yeah. Danny's nearly done listening to Mistborn. The first one, that is. It's exciting. He didn't like it much at first, and he still thinks it's kind of slow I think, but he really likes the characters now. He said if we can find the other two to download, he'll listen to them too.

He came to visit me on my crap work night. I really appreciated it. He can be so sweet. And he brought Dennis and Heather, and Dennis tipped me $20 on a $30 bill, which was also really sweet and made me so appreciative of our roommates. We have our issues at times but we're all really great people.