i will

...but my updates are.

( The aftermath of the me-Danny-Morgan thing. It's really over this time. No. Really. )

Erm, I gave up on NaNo. With the stress of conflict with Danny and school put together, it just wasn't doable this month. Or at least... I didn't have the energy. I have a lot of stuff due this week. In math, the second part of the portfolio. The science lesson apparently got moved back, so maybe not that. In classroom management, I have stuff due and overdue; of the three assignments, I can probably get two done without going back to my internship first. In reading, a book club reflection on a book I haven't read yet and won't get until later this week, so I'll be asking for an extension probably. In language arts, two case reports and my mini lesson report. Which I forgot to have my mentor fill out the rubric for. Damn. Guess that portion will be late.

Blah. Anyway. Life.

Have not written yet for NaNo. Don't really have the energy. Kinda depressed, even. Had another talk with Danny last night, this time about his lack of physical affection. He made it sound like I'm asking for too much. I don't think I am, but whatever; I decided to back off and let him come to me when he wants to for a while, and then decide if that's often enough for me. If I can give it a good, honest week of me not touching him unless clearly invited, it should give me a good idea of whether I can tolerate this business.

Looked up more houses. Feels kind of silly at this point but I have to look forward, and we can't live here much longer one way or another.

I'm pretty scared of all the serious talks we've been having lately. Danny told me last night... what did he say? Something like he loves me but he can't be physically affectionate the way I want him to be, and if that's a problem then he doesn't know what will happen... or something. I don't know. I'm afraid of where this is leading. It just seems very one-sided. He says he loves me and I'm the most important person to him but I'm the one who's always done all the changing and trying. Maybe that's not fair--I mean, before me he was out at the bars with his friends all the time, but I'm not sure if that was a change just because of me. He might not go back to that now regardless.

I told him I want to take him out to eat tonight and he said sorry, he just ate Chipotle. And he just called to ask if it's okay if Carol and Lena come over to try out the Kinect. I mean... I like them, they're nice girls, and if I wasn't feeling low I'd think it was a great idea. But I'm not going to say no. There's no point in me turning them away to mope, after all. I told him I don't care either way.

School is a tangled mess too. Our science methods professor just told us that anyone who missed class has to write a six-page paper relating this article he gave us to what we've seen in class. And a classmate just told me there's an additional assignment if you've missed more than one day, which I have. We don't have time for that sort of crap. I looked up the university attendance policy and it said the professor needs to put their own participation/how attendance affects grades policy in the syllabus and/or let us know at the beginning of the year, which he didn't. The syllabus just says attendance is important, let him know ahead of time if there's a conflict with getting to class so arrangements can be made... you know, the basic if you miss a due date or assignment because of an unexcused absence, you don't get credit sort of deal. And I haven't missed anything like that. So it shouldn't be allowable, and if it comes to it I'll address it with the university. Preferably if other students will back me up.

And I just haven't felt like doing anything. I let my assignments slide until the last second. Today I was running late to class because I stayed at home an extra fifteen minutes to finish an assignment, and on the way to school I rear-ended another car. The light turned green and the two cars in front of me started to go, but then all of a sudden decided to stop. Well, my brakes aren't so great. I didn't stop fast enough. The driver in front of me was a Hispanic guy, probably no insurance, since he just told me it was fine and didn't take my insurance info. Seeing as my car's already a bit of a mess, there was nothing but a bit of paint damage, and I don't want my insurance record marked up again, I was fine with this. And it was almost lucky since it was a reason to be late to class.

Blah. Life. Hate it.

Ooh. Pretty LJ header.

I'm currently watching Ever After and avoiding things I should actually be doing, as per usual. Such as: I should be scanning in my driver's license to complete my egg donor application. ($10,000 for my eggs if I'm accepted and matched to a recipient!) I should also be piecing together materials/plans/crap/etc. for the upcoming assignments in my methods classes that I need to translate into class with my fifth graders. I was going to try using the first chapter of The Hunger Games for my reading DRA, but I think I'll change it to a short story from one of my two collections. Which I'll need to bring with me tomorrow to plan with Alice.

For my reference, I need to get the following done by the end of this week (my full week at Whetstone): collect two writing samples each from the two students I chose for profiles in Language Arts; complete my DRA for Reading with a small group of kids; pick at least two kids for Math (at least one with a recorded disability of some kind) to assess for understanding in a concept area and plan steps toward addressing any gaps in understanding; conduct Social Studies interview with students; complete midsemester PBA; get photocopy of Language Arts packet from one of the other interns.

ALSO. Print contract for Mirage Games, as if I haven't let that sit long enough. And finish up this egg donor application process. Sooner that's done, the better.

I waver in confidence with the development of Homesake as a young adult novel. I have a name now for all three of Grey's swords (and thus all three of the novels). I'm unsure about this "Grey" thing now because he will start the book as Roan now that I'm starting with his acceptance into the King's Steel. He will still want an alias, but will he be honest with Kayden? Or will he think it's best to just introduce himself as Grey so they aren't overheard in private using his real name?

Also. Stuff going down with roommates making life more interesting/stressful. Dennis' brother and sister-in-law decided to raise the rent. Dennis doesn't have to pay anything (he never has, but at first he made it sound like he did), but Danny, Justin, and I are each expected to pay $350. For Danny and Justin, that's a $100 bump. For me, $200. For Danny and me, it's not worth it. Rent plus electric will be $900 for the two of us. So we're looking very seriously into moving out, even have cousin Justin on board to rent a room with his girlfriend so we can afford a better place. It's the down payment that worries me at the moment. Egg donation could really help, but only if by some miracle I get the fastest process possible. (I really should scan my license in.) There are some nice houses for sale in a really decent area for around $150,000. Alone, we couldn't afford it, but with roomies... definitely.

And if you're wondering why $900/month isn't worth it to live in a house, let me explain: it's a house with no central air or heat, with a roof that leaks, with a driveway that never gets plowed in the winter when it snows, and with various other defects. (They still won't give us a key to the garage. Where do you get off charging that much for this shithole and not letting us use the garage?)

Blah.

50187 / 50000 (100.37%)

YES. Although NaNo claims that it's 50,088. But that's okay too! And I'm really excited to keep going. And then eventually edit it. And I'm thinking it will really be two separate books, like I thought originally-originally (as in early November 2005). I mean, apparently it's a misconception that fantasy novels should be like 150k. 100k is more normal, or even less. This one could be, I dunno, 70, 75k? I wonder what that compares to? We'll see. And that's after edits. There's a buttload of extra crap in there right now.

43390 / 50000 (86.78%)

Day ahead going into Thanksgiving. YES. So I'll try to write anyway of course, but if I can't find time, I'm okay.

And and and. I forget. Oh right. I'm going into the scene with the sirens, so I should have plenty of material next I start!

31539 / 50000 (63.08%)

Got a little ahead again. Not as much as I'd like, but it's Danny and my anniversary, so some concessions must be made ;D Three years! We had dinner tonight, and tomorrow night we're going to the midnight premiere of New Moon.

But I left off in the middle of a fight scene and someone's about to die, so it should be easy as hell to pick back up tomorrow and write!

Bad day for writing. I won't post my word count, it only went up about 700. The test I took this morning that was supposed to take 4 hours took 6, and then work wanted me to come in early because someone didn't show up, so yeah. And now I'm really tired and Danny's already irritated with me so I'm not going to write any tonight, I think.

There's always tomorrow.

23939 / 50000 (47.88%)

Will fix later with centering and a title and such.

18452 / 50000 (36.9%)

Early class tomorrow, my internship-type one. Have to be out the door by 7am at the latest. Why yes, I am up too late. Again. But I don't work and I'll have a four hour gap between class and the CP write-in, so some of that time will be devoted to a nap.

And money! As in I have none! Life's such a mess right now in multiple ways. But I'm too tired to write more now. And if I wasn't, I'd spend those words on NaNo, obviously.