karriezai: ([kh] [soriku] inhale)
I wrote this huge letter to my friend Ash in Alaska... part I wrote on Christmas, part the day before Valentine's Day. I still haven't mailed it. I'm splitting it up into several parts and posting it here. I don't expect anyone to read it -- it's way too long -- but it'll be here for me to look back on.

letter to ash part one )
karriezai: ([house] oops)
This is the second day in a row I've overslept and missed the bus. Yesterday I woke up at almost ten in the morning and was like fuck it. Today I only woke up about thirty minutes late and could have metroed to school... I would have if it was a B day, but it's an A day. I may miss some notes in precalc, but I can look at someone else's. Otherwise, not really much to miss. Besides, I'd have to turn around at one and metro back home. So I was like, fuck it. I'll do something more productive with my day. Like my scholarships that are due on Monday. =/

I don't get why I overslept today at all. Yesterday was bad enough -- I slept fine, I just... usually I turn off my alarm, lounge in bed for a few minutes, and then get up. Yesterday I just didn't get back up. I turned off my alarm, turned off my heating blanket, and then fell pretty much instantly back into a deep sleep. Today I turned off my alarm, turned off my heating blanket, lounged for a few minutes, and then realized I'd fallen asleep for another half hour. Wtf? I got plenty of sleep yesterday. I slept until almost ten and then lounged until about ten thirty. Then took a nap from three to four fifteen.

All I know is I'm glad I'm almost done with this stupid job, because it's the only reason I can think of for oversleeping. I work today, Friday, Saturday, and Monday through Wednesday. If I can, I'm switching Saturday for Sunday, but I doubt Ms. Sandy will let me. It'd be so much more convenient, though.

I guess that's it. I'll go be productive like I said.
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karriezai: ([house] wtf?)
I have never been the sort to get depressed. Ever. I'm a bit of an optimist, sometimes too much of an idealist -- I understand that the world doesn't work the way it should, but sometimes it still gets to me. I can see realistically, but that doesn't mean it doesn't upset me to see injustice, even the little things.

But for the last week or two... I think it's stress. I've always lived a pretty charmed life. I've had little problems, but I've never been stressed out by them -- I could always handle them because they weren't too serious all at once. Now, though. )

There's just a lot of stuff going on right now. And I wish Danny would fucking answer the phone. ;_;
karriezai: ([me] [cell] danny sleeping)
Alright, so, quite a bit has happened in the -- what, week? -- I haven't updated. Here's hoping I get it all out without rambling too much. Meh.

Sooo. I got my actual acceptance letter to Maryland the Saturday after I got the email. I was accepted to the University Honors program, too. No news on merit-based scholarships, but I checked the website today and it says acceptance letters come by March 1st and notification of merit-based scholarships starts coming in early March all the way through early April. So I guess we'll see. Since I got into University Honors, I know I at least stand a chance at being one of the candidates for the Banneker-Key Award... it'd be great to get that one, because the person chosen for the full Banneker-Key Award gets a full ride, books, room and board, everything. But we'll see. Any candidates for the award who get invited to the luncheon for it in spring are supposed to get some money, but only the overall winner gets the full ride.

We spent last weekend together, as usual... nothing especially spectacular happened, we just had our usual great time. All the way through Monday, which I had off for president's day or whatever. I went back to school Tuesday. I was supposed to tell Mrs. Washington, the senior administrator, about getting accepted to College Park, but I didn't. Why do I need it announced? I just told one or two of my friends. Chris, one of maybe three white boys at the school (and certainly the coolest of them), got in too and is already wearing a Terps jacket to school everyday. (For anyone who doesn't know, the UM mascot is a turtle and kids going to Maryland are called Terps.) Ashtony, the other white girl who got higher than a 1200 (on the 1600 scale) on the SAT and who's in line to be either valedictorian or salutatorian, also got in. And this other kid I don't really know -- I just remember him being on the Visit Maryland trip with a bunch of us. But we're the only four I know of so far at my school.

Tuesday we had what was my only Mock Trial practice before our first prosecution match... and Wednesday at the match we were steamrolled over by Bowie. I was a witness, but when we got to the actual match I was dying to be a lawyer so I could do something, anything, when the Bowie kids made objections we should have fought and didn't... and things like that. We lost horribly. I don't really mind since I don't want to win enough that we go on to the next level, but at the same time I'm a perfectionist and I hate getting stomped like that when I know there were things we could have done better. So from now on I'm a lawyer. They wanted me to be a lawyer all along, but I wasn't prepared to deal with objections, because I didn't know anything about them. But I read up on them in the Mock Trial guidebook we have, and I think I'll be okay.

One thing I learned from Bowie is to object loudly and often. If the other team doesn't know what it's doing, even objections that shouldn't make it through can. We play defense next, so we'll see how that works out. I hope I don't get up there and then suck as a lawyer despite all these feelings that I know what to do and blah blah blah.

Danny's birthday and following events )

edit cont'd Soooo. Mom woke me up this morning (at like 11:30) with my acceptance letter from Guilford College in North Carolina. She'd opened it already and told me I got a $48,000 scholarship with a chance to try for $10,000 more, and although I was happy, I also went "Oh, shit," in my head because I have no money from Maryland (at least so far) and my parents are gonna pressure me to go to the school that offers me the most money. I'd really rather go to Maryland. Danny's a big part of it now, but it's more than that. I know the area here already, I know kids who're going to go to Maryland too, I know what I can major in there (no fucking clue what to major in at Guilford), and I fell in love with their Writer's House program when I went on Visit Maryland Day. Especially that last one. I mean, I'm not gonna lie and say Danny plays no part in it, but... I've been leaning toward Maryland ever since Visit Maryland Day. So whatever.

Danny keeps assuring me I'm a smart girl, I'll get enough money so I can afford to go to Maryland, and if I have to I can take out a student loan -- I'm a smart girl, he knows I'll make enough once I graduate to pay it off. It's sweet and supportive. Especially when I admit he's part of me preferring Maryland and he says he doesn't want it to be like that, but he does think Maryland would be better for me, because college is more than just learning -- and Maryland is a great school for learning -- it's also about the experience, and Greensboro is small.

This is the most honest way I can put it. If not for Danny, I wouldn't not want to go to Guilford, I just wouldn't prefer it. But with Danny, I don't really want to go there. It's a difference, but either way I prefer Maryland.

Blah. Anyway, I called my grandmother today because I felt like talking to her. I told her all about the college thing and skiing and junk. She kept saying how it sounds like Danny and I are getting really serious and even mentioning wedding-type stuff. It's weird to talk about. It's only been three and a half months. I mean, I can't see why we wouldn't last -- I love him so much, it's only gotten better, I can tell he feels the same -- but anything can happen and I know that. Especially when time to start college rolls around -- that's a lot of changes. But I'm not too worried, about college itself or about us. So whatever. Still, I always feel hesitant trying to think into the future. I mean, we practically live together on weekends, but I feel weird even thinking about actually living together. Maybe just because it's a long way off, for several reasons, not least of which being that we both live with our parents. It might happen, it might not. No point thinking about it, I guess.

I'm so tired. I guess that's it. I'm setting my alarm to get up and call Danny in the morning. I told him I'd do it. Haha. -evil grin- Not that early, though. Sooo, good night.
karriezai: ([misc] golden years)
Happy Valentine's Day, all x]

We were released two hours early for ice/snow yesterday at school, had no school today, and it's already been announced that schools are closed tomorrow. Danny stayed over last night, but not tonight... things to do. I wanted to stay with him, but Mom said no. Loudly. Vehemently. I don't know what her problem is.

Eh. Anyway. There's this weekend.

I can smell the flowers he got me. A yellow rose and a red rose. I was surprised... I made him brownies while he was at work and used decorative letter icing stuff to write Happy Valentine's Day on them, just on impulse, but I didn't expect anything special from him. It was a great surprise, and they smell so pretty, haha. Mom's asleep downstairs so I couldn't find a proper vase of some sort... so Danny had me put them in a Dasani water bottle, and it works well enough.

Mom just came upstairs randomly. I asked what was going on and she said she was checking to make sure I'm still here. I'm getting kind of annoyed. I guess it's my fault, I guess I've pressed too many buttons when it comes to spending time with Danny. But it's more than that. She can get stricter and I have to deal with that, it's fine, I earned it by being late and stuff. But stuff like her comment Friday, I dunno.

Oh well.

Writing. Ah. I'm so horrible. Aside from my version of doodling (writing down my thoughts), I haven't really written in months. It's horrible because the key word in 'writer' would be what? Write. And how much of that have I been doing?

I'm watching this Disney movie Read it and Weep about a girl whose journal got published by accident... and ugh. I know complaining doesn't help, doing helps. So I'm gonna stop complaining. I'll go to the bathroom, then sit down with the laptop and attempt to write something. Anything.

Later.
karriezai: ([kh] hero / anti-hero)
Ha. We had this luncheon at school today for kids with a 4.0 or higher. I missed the first thirty minutes of third period to attend, and I don't have a fourth period, so I was trying to decide whether I wanted to go to the end of third period or just go home/go see Danny. I decided on going to see Danny, but I was hanging out in front of the portable where my third period was with Brandon and Mae (friends of mine who share that class with me) because we were all trying to decide whether to skip... and then the teacher just opened the door and looked out at us. We each kinda mumbled a little "uh-oh." I was on the phone with Danny and just repeated "uh-oh" again. Agreed to call him back.

The sub for that class (another reason I didn't want to go; I miss my teacher, who got sick visiting in Africa, and the sub is an idiot) just kinda sat there like, "What's up?" He didn't tell us to come in, just kinda seemed like wtf is going on?

So while Mae and Brandon kind of sat there stalling for a few minutes, I went "fuck it" mentally and turned and left. Mae was like, "You're not coming?" Lol. I just left school and went to meet Danny. I metroed over to his station, and traffic between there and his house was refuckingdiculous. I dunno what happened, but it was crazy.

We hung out and had fun, just usual junk really. ♥

Tomorrow I have to do my taxes with mom. And it's supposed to snow. There may be a snow day... but I'm not sure. I hope so, tomorrow and Wednesday. It'd be great. If the roads are icy tomorrow night, Danny may just stay the night as opposed to driving home.

Righto. I think I might try to find something to snack on.
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karriezai: ([mine] [hp] ron no way)
I am so incredibly fucking bored. I suppose I could do my homework when I finish writing this, but that'll take up maybe fifteen minutes tops, and it won't be any less boring than this. This being staring minglessly at the TV when there's actually nothing good on. Danny's spending time with his mom and probably won't stay the night over here. I wouldn't care if he came over at ten or even later, but I can understand why he might want to stay home. He can't sleep as well in my bed. I don't really get it -- I sleep fine in his usually -- but it's not as if he can help it. I'll see him tomorrow either way.

The nipple piercing sank in a little bit today. I was like, "Oh... my god... I'm gonna be sitting at Fatty's... and Jason's gonna put a needle through my nipple... and... I'm gonna have pierced nipples. Oh... my god."

I found out we have more than one senior skip day. For the class of '07, we skip the seventh of every month from now until the end of the school year, so Wednesday will be our first skip day. And mock trial was cancelled that day because Jericho forfeit, so instead we'll have a match on the 28th. Which means I can really have a senior skip day without having to worry about other obligations. I'll probably stay over at Danny's Tuesday night, and he'll take me home on his way to work Wednesday.

Lessee. I really can't think of anything else right now. Except I was so disappointed that there was no snow day today. =(
karriezai: ([house] cameron's hitting that)
I reread Ella Enchanted today after I finished And Eternity, the last in Piers Anthony's Incarnations of Immortality series, and had nothing else to read. Although I suppose technically I could have read the book we're supposed to be reading in English, but I was still groggy from sleeping all through third period, so it didn't even occur to me.

Yeah. I think I need to go to bed at ten again. I've been really sleepy the last few days, but today was horrible. I slept in first period after we finished our work, and then again in third period, ignoring the temporary teacher we have. In third period, I passed the fuck out. It wasn't like normal classroom sleep, it was like the whole world was gone. Haha. It wasn't all that long when I checked my watch, but it felt like an eternity, which is really backwards for normal sleep... but I guess it's because it felt like night, in bed, sleep, and even though that feels quick, in your mind you know you were asleep for hours.

Aze emailed me about reviving The Afterglow and starting another project -- really just a bigger, badder, rolled-up version of stuff we've done before -- and I really want another project. I haven't been on the internet much at all lately, and my inspiration's run low. I haven't written in so long. Not real writing. It's really depressing, but I think I feed off of having a beta reader, or someone who genuinely enjoys what I write and will read through it for me and tell me what they think, offer advice and improvements. That's why Elemental Force progressed so well for a long time -- I had Lisa. That's why Heart of a Werewolf progressed and actually got finished -- I had Aze. And back in middle school I had Cassie and Aze and even a couple other people.

I love writing for myself, but at heart I guess I just want to share the story and hear how others react to it. If I don't have someone reading along as I add more, chapter by chapter or whatever, it's harder to find the will to sit down and actually write as opposed to planning. Planning, though, I can do in abundance.

I really want it to just start snowing, a freak blizzard. I want Danny to stay the night and school to be delayed or cancelled (because delay = snow day for me). It's supposed to snow. It's supposed to have been snowing already. Nothing, though, except apparently a little light snow this morning.

I get my nipples pierced Sunday... excitement. It hasn't exactly sunk in yet. I realize intellectually that it's gonna happen, there's a set time and date and even an audience, but it still feels vague, like it might not actually happen, it's just a fancy. Haha. Dad was being so (sarcastically) supportive today, telling me to take a camera so I have pictures of my boobs before I 'ruin' them. He was just playing around, mostly, but I don't think he particularly cares for the idea, even if he doesn't really mind it.

I guess I'll take a notebook, curl up, and brainstorm for The Afterglow... or writing... or whatever my brain decides it wants to think about.
karriezai: ([kh] &nobody)
I didn't sleep well last night at all. It was like six hours, but it felt like eternity because I kept waking up, and you know how actually being awake seems to last a lot longer than being asleep? Yeah. It's because I had alcohol last night. Not enough to get drunk, just really tipsy, but apparently being really tipsy to somewhat drunk makes it hard for me to sleep. It's weird.

We played drinking Crash Team Racing. =) Danny and me. It was fun. He kicked my ass. I think I beat him in three races out of like...twenty. Sad, right? It was worse once I actually started to feel the alcohol. Ha. I drink very rarely now, and I don't get drunk. It's the second time since New Year's that I've had any alcohol, and the first time, with the margarita, I didn't even drink enough to feel it.

Uhhh so. Last time I updated was Wednesday? Wow, I get preoccupied.

Friday night, Danny slept over here. We watched The Covenant and um... oh, we went to the boulevard, picked up tips, and saw... oh crap I forgot already. We sat in the previews and couldn't remember that the last movie we saw there was Night at the Museum for like five minutes... and now I can't remember what we saw. It was... Smokin' Aces, of course! And it was good, too. My memory's awful right now, probably because I'm so tired.

And I'm distracted by Material Girls, which I'm watching despite knowing it'd be dumb because I'm still a Lizzie McGuire fan at heart (guiltyface). So this is taking a long time to type.

Anyway, it was fun. Onward to sex talk which may be TMI... )

Anyway, he took me home at 1:45 because he had to go to his aunt's funeral. =( It's sad... but he didn't know her all that well... so he's okay, at least, and that's good. It's always horrible when family dies, though.

We were supposed to try to go skiing Wednesday, but I have mock trial -- that's when we start our actual meets, and I can't not go. I knew it'd be a pain in the ass. Bah.

I need to do the college thing, I think. Not tonight I guess. I need mom's help. And I'm tired. And I need to strip my bed still. And fold clothes. So yeah. Maybe tomorrow. I guess that's it.
karriezai: ([misc] knight's tale angel)
School was cool today. I was hoping to get some sleep in first period, but my health teacher gabbed a lot and left us only fifteen minutes before the bell, so I just laid down and kinda rested for about ten minutes. Second was basically just... sit and pretend to listen to the discussion while I wrote in my notebook. I'm planning to write stuff. I'm having a really hard time coming up with short stories, but I've got a new novel idea... I'll get into that later though.

Third period, my precalc teacher who was supposed to be in Africa for three weeks got sick while he was there, and now we have a temp. And I missed Mr. Oluwo with the sub, but it's worse with the temp, because he actually tries to teach... and uh. I want Mr. O back.

I don't have to go to fourth on A days anymore because my teacher knows I already took French 2 and after me practically acing the first semester without really paying attention in class she decided to tell me what they'd learn for the rest of the year and then let me just go to the library instead of class. So I left at one when fourth period started and went to meet Danny at the boulevard since he got off at 1:30.

We... went to college park, priced nipple piercings at a parlor there (but I'm still gonna ask Jason, I'd prefer to get it done at Fatty's), and went to his house for a little bit... then came back to my house for a while. He was about ready to pass out the whole time, tired bugger, but wanted me to keep him awake. He wasn't very cooperative with the whole staying awake thing. We ended up wrestling, though, and that was a lot of fun.

I just texted him to see if he was still awake... I didn't think a text would wake him, but uh, it did. =( I didn't want to wake him, just wanted to talk if he was still awake anyway. He was sleepy-irritated, and hard to understand, you know how people slur when they're half-asleep. I think he said "Can we talk tomorrow?" and I said, "Yeah, go back to sleep." And he mumbled some other shit, didn't really catch any of it, and I said, "Go back to sleep, good night."

Oh, right, new novel idea. I'm about to go to bed, but I'll outline it really quickly. I was thinking a few days ago about how it wasn't long ago when I would still love to go into any story I wanted to... like the wishes I made up with Alicia and Ash a long time ago. If we ever met a genie... the first wish would be that he would grant our wishes exactly as we wanted, no funny business, and the second wish would be the ability to grant or take away the ability to take oneself and anyone else into any story imaginable (there'd be a complex explanation with the wish, but that's the gist of it) and live it out... and the third wish would be the ability to grant or take away the ability of wingless flight. Yeah, we put a lot of thought into it.

But a few days ago I was thinking, back then it'd just be awesome, you know, but now... say I just woke up in a story world. Like... just me, in a story I know and love. Like A Song of Ice and Fire or something. At first glance (after the initial omg I've fucking cracked, I've gone insane), it would be amazing, wonderful. But now... if it happened today... it wouldn't take long for me to go, "But oh fuck. Where's Danny?" And not having him with me would completely ruin it. I'd just make every effort to leave. It got me thinking about wishes you think you want, but if they were actually granted, turns out... you'd want out of it more than anything.

So I was thinking today about making a story about it. A girl who used to play this video game when she was younger... she absolutely loved it, but no one else really did. The cut scenes were way too long, it was too story oriented, not as playable as some people would like, and those who did finish were upset with the ending... basically it crashed and burned, though a sequel had originally been intended. This girl, though, loved it and used to imagine herself being taken into the story, living it. What she would do to change it. She fantasized about it, and especially about the main character, the hero.

Loses her copy, forgets about it for years, falls in love with this guy who also loves video games (she's a girl gamer, haha). He's heard of the game but didn't like it, like most people. One day she finds a copy in a store, though -- and here is where I'd need to figure out how the fuck this is supposed to happen -- because when she starts to play it again, she gets pulled in to the story.

But the guy she loves, he wasn't there. He isn't with her.

So not only would the story go into the whole plot of the game and how she changes it because though she tries to get out, she's forced to live through it, it would go into... if you're separated from the one you love for too long, with no form of contact whatsoever... indefinitely, with no certainty you'll ever see him again... stuff's bound to happen. The story will go into all that, and when she finishes the game and goes back home, the consequences of it, because not nearly as much time has passed in the real world as in the game world she lived through, and her man is still thoroughly in love with her.

I dunno. I like the story idea, I dunno if it could actually work as a book. It wouldn't be fanfic; I'd make up the game's plot. Meh, if I feel like it, I'll just write it and see what happens.

But I'm trying to think of short story ideas -- it's something of a priority -- and I'm having a lot of trouble. Ah, well. To bed with me.
karriezai: ([kh] [soriku] strange love)
There was a two-hour delay today. I was like... fuck that. I didn't go. Haha. It should have been a snow day, the bastards.

I worked my last day yesterday. Still no job yet, but I'm sure I'll get one soon. Toya recommended that I go to, what's it called, Fish and Waffles or something... She said they pay well and all. So I'll check it out when I get the chance. And I need to call the woman who can find out if I can get a job at the Youth Center here.

Brandy was upset no one called her about me coming in early for Yuka yesterday. I admit I should have thought to call her, but it didn't even cross my mind. I was in a hurry and I have no trust for her anyway, she can be very hard to reach and what could she have done but what she did in the morning? Which was: call Wilette, yell some, and get Wilette to come in to cover my 8:30 - 1:15 shift.

Wilette almost stood up for Danny, no one was pleased with Ron, and ew the caramel in the espresso bar was horrible. Mostly it was okay. After work Danny and I saw Night at the Museum, which was great. We hung out at my house for maybe an hour afterward before he had to go in to work.

The snow! Danny's car isn't safe in the snow. I really wanted him to stay over at my house. I was convinced I'd have a snow day, and my parents approved -- my mom knows how his car isn't too safe. But he refused to stay unless they posted that there'd be a snow day, and they didn't, so he went home. But he came over at 10 this morning and we hung out, and he told me I should have commanded him to stay, lol. He said he would have stayed if I told him I wanted him to, which I didn't, not in those words. I really wanted him to -- for more than just the safety thing -- but I was just trying to convince him logically, not with "I fucking want you, Danny." Haha.

He worked at 1:30. Around three Alicia called to hang out and I rolled out... and it was great. I've missed her. Talking to her was awesome. It turns out, Yuka's been venting about me to her a LOT. And apparently Danny has told Yuka a lot -- maybe more than he realizes -- because she told it all to Alicia when she was complaining. Haha. I don't mind. I told Danny that a long time ago -- he can talk to Yuka, it doesn't bother me, I'd just like a heads-up so I know what all he's told her, since I don't talk to her that much myself anymore and don't know what all she knows.

I love him so much, though. Haha. After watching Jackass 2 he said he hates Bam because all his girlfriends have said they'd do him in a heartbeat. I told him today, I don't want anyone but him. It's just my nature. I'm very faithful by nature. I lose interest in other guys when I get close to one. I can intellectually go, okay, that guy's really cute, but... he doesn't compare.

I was talking to Alicia today about how important the physical aspect of a relationship is. It's really fucking important -- extremely -- but it's not a function of how attractive a guy is, really. It's all chemistry, and a huge part of chemistry is mental and emotional.

Yeah, I think a lot.

I'm seriously considering getting my nipples pierced. I was talking to Jason at Fatty's -- where Alicia and I hung out (and gambled some) -- and... I'd already mentioned to Alicia how Danny's said I should get my nipples pierced and I wasn't sure whether he was joking... but I really had no desire to do it. I've always had a thing about hard nipples because my dad always points them out and teases, but it bothers me way less these days. So when Alicia was asking Jason what piercing she should get and he said nipples, I asked him whether they affect the sensitivity. He said yes, and when I asked if it was in a good way, he said yes. Of course, this all on average as always, because everyone's different.

My nipples aren't very sensitive, and I don't like that. Danny's are way more sensitive than mine. So it'd be great if they increased my sensitivity. Yeah... I'm really thinking about it. I'd also consider a tongue piercing because it could be great, and if I don't like it, I can always take it out and it'll heal up really fast.

Only other piercings I'm considering are on my left ear. I have the bar and one lobe piercing in my right, and that's all I really need. But I might get piercings all up the edge of my left ear. I like that off-balance look.

Mmmkay, I'm done.
karriezai: ([kh] [akuroku] sticks totally gay for)
I don't update anymore, do I? It's terrible. Aze told me I had to -- she threatened me! -- so I'm giving it a shot.

School is normal. Pretty dull. Most days I don't really want to be there, but not in a vehement I-hate-this way. More like just there are better things to do. I skipped school -- like actual skipping, not just oops I woke up late -- for the first time this year. Not a full day, just leaving early. I've done it a few times. Just fourth period, though. Which is Drama on B days and French on A days. It's hard to miss much. I've been kind of tuned out lately. I do all my work, but I fall asleep in class sometimes -- usually only when we aren't doing anything anyway. On progress reports I had a B in english. I hope I've brought it up, but I haven't had much of a chance to. We don't have much actual classwork, we just read and have discussions and I kind of daze off for a lot of those discussions. Meh.

I just finished reading Phantom by Terry Goodkind, the tenth book in the series I've been reading. It's been so long I don't remember a lot of stuff from the first books, but it's still good. Not the best books I've ever read, but really good. He has a great story, but his writing style, while decent, leaves a lot to be desired. All of his characters sound the same, especially when they go into speeches. Then they just sound like him writing prose, basically. Real people don't describe shit like that when they're explaining stuff that's happened. Well, a rare few might, but not every character in the story. It bothers me. And he can be a little preachy too. But oh well, it's worth it in the end.

Work sucks. Like awfully. I want to leave. I don't think I'll be able to stay long after Danny leaves, however that ends up happening. Tomorrow we'll find out. He says either he'll be transferred, fired, or he'll quit. I hope he's transferred, for his sake, because it'll be the best way for him. But once he's gone, I don't want to deal with the bullshit at work anymore. I mean, without Danny, Brandy won't really have many ways to fuck with me anymore (because a part of me really believes she's being a bitch to him because of me and/or to get to me, no matter how self-centered that sounds), but oh she's so awful. And here's my reasoning on that little aside. She never fucked with Danny before we started going out, at least not more than anyone else (which means yes, she fucked with him horribly, but it has increased tenfold since then). She had no problem with Danny and Yuka, just told Yuka if she ever felt like she didn't want to work with Danny or whatever to let her know.

Then I finally got so fed-up with her bullshit that I emailed Rick, and since then, Danny's gotten three write-ups over idiotic things. Other people don't get written up for worse. First write-up didn't really happen, it was just on the word of one complaining customer. I don't remember what the second one was, but the third was on a messy close that couldn't be helped due to fast business, only two people closing, and having to get out by ten. He left a till out of the safe on accident after that and thought for sure he'd be fired. That's still up in the air; we'll find out tomorrow. But Ron has left out all four tills and the deposit bag, and I don't know if he was even written up, though he may well have been.

She's been riding him, and I think it's a way to get to me, knowing that we're together... because it's so much easier to find reasons to get a shift in trouble than a barista. They have so many more responsibilities. I was written up for being under more than five dollars on my till once, but that's really all a barista can be written up for unless she does something fucking ridiculous... and I do my job.

Maybe I'm just paranoid. It's possible. There's just something about her. To your face, she's like, "I don't want to upset anyone, I don't want to cause problems, I could be wrong, blah blah blah." But behind your back she tries to drag drama out of other partners. She gossips. Ugh.

I just want out of there. I don't think I'll even have the patience to find a new job first. Especially if Danny's fired. That would be total bullshit and... I wouldn't walk out, because I'm not dumb, but I'd put in my two weeks on the spot. And probably give them a piece of my mind. At least I hope so. Last time I talked to Brandy I actually got out some things I wanted to say, so hopefully that courage will stay with me. I think it will.

I dunno. I want to work but I don't. If I find a job I actually enjoy, I'll be fine -- I mean, Starbucks was a ton of fun at first. But right now I'd rather just buckle the fuck down, actually write, and make money with it. It wouldn't really work, especially since I'm adamant about at least attempting Writers of the Future first and they're looking for new authors, not published ones.

Whatever.

Things with Danny are going fucking great, I love him so much. I'm still adjusting, getting into the feel of a regular relationship, getting out of the 'this-is-so-new' feeling. Because the new feeling, it still carries certain insecurities, worries, but those are fading. I can see how much he cares about me. At first I felt like I shouldn't call him much or try to see him whenever I get the chance, every day if I can, because it seems so clingy, but I can see he likes it the same as I do. I don't need to worry because we both want to see each other just as much.

It's been about a month and a half. It seems so much longer in some ways. It's amazing.

I could write more if I had more time, but I really should get some sleep. So I'm off to brush my teeth and call Danny... and then sleep.

edit

from a private entry a while back:

And Danny. With him, I really doubt we'll get uber-serious. I'm almost certain we'll sleep together. Haha. I mean... duh. But I don't think I'll be one of his 'real' girlfriends. This is just comfortable fun. We've got stuff in common and we're compatable as far as I can tell... but I doubt anything real will come of it. We'll probably get bored of each other eventually -- one of us will start to get attracted to someone else -- and we'll just end it, probably. No hard feelings, I would think. I guess we'll see.

Lol. That's so fucking ironic in retrospect, because it's so serious. Maybe that relaxed attitude approaching it helped, I dunno, because it just kind of... happened. Man I love him. I love my life. =P
karriezai: ([misc] life's a bitch)
I'm so annoyed lately. Annoyed with Central over uniforms especially but also various other little things. Annoyed with my friends for... stuff. Annoyed with myself for not buckling down and doing things like nano and college scheisse. Yet I'm getting to be better friends with Danny where before there was something about him I didn't really like, something that didn't sit right. But I never talked to him one-on-one a lot. That's what happens when you get all your info second-hand, I guess.

I don't really want to go into it all, though. I wanna shower and watch some TV and go to sleep. I just figured... I haven't updated in a long time. So there it is.
karriezai: ([mine] [hp] hermione nothing is real)
I wrote like a hundred words on nano today in school. Didn't bother to type it up. Just... tired, and everything.

I'm joining newspaper and becoming a mentor, which effectively takes out three workdays of my week. Maybe not. I may work from five-thirty or six on Thursday or something. Whatever.

Yuka almost got fired today because of money issues, and then Brandy's till was short fifty bucks and she accidentally let all the registers fall on the floor and we spent like half an hour picking it all back up and counting the tills back up. I'm tired of this job so hard. I want to work at the Youth Center or Borders.

Yuka and I spent the time well though. We talked about college. She said UM has a campus on the base she used to live on in Japan and we want to go there. I looked it up and it's actually UMUC, which offers courses at UM, so I'm not so sure how it'll work out, but it would be the best thing ever. We'd be here a year or two and then transfer to Japan.

Egan... ah. Officially the weirdest thing ever. But I need to go to bed.
karriezai: ([hp] [drarry] draco dormiens)
Woohoo.

School was nice today. I finished my LSN homework in first period. Very few people did anything to dress up for Halloween, but I wore a cloak and had Yuka write Happy Halloween on my face. In second period, I sharpied Bpaaki's name and Happy Halloween for Ms Burrell because I was bored (makeup work period). At some point in the hallways, Girard saw me and said randomly, "You know Darrell likes you?" No clue if I'm spelling his name right, but um, yeah. He's a cool kid. I see him at lunch sometimes, and he's in martial arts, always great to hear... I had lunch with him today -- and Jade and Tony -- and had general mayhem fun. I tossed little fruit gummies into Darrell's hood and gave them all a little bit of my cookies. God I love those Otis Spunkmeyer cookies. Jade was saying she could pick me up and use me as a weapon against Tony. Apparently I'm very aerodynamic.

Third period Dr Moore gave everyone candy, and man, she doesn't skimp. She gives regular sized candy, not the little Halloween-sized stuff you pass out at the door. The principal was in class, haha, I dunno why, but at the end of class everyone not following uniform code (including me) had to sign our names and grade levels to a sheet of paper for him. It's funny because yesterday he stopped me in the hallway to ask me if I was a Team Success certificate winner and didn't even notice I wasn't in proper uniform, or at least didn't say anything.

Drama I'm in a group with Girard and Coy. They're video gamers, and apparently I'm almost cool enough to be in their little group because I like Zelda and Kingdom Hearts. I was discussing Zelda with Girard and Coy and I were defending our love of Kingdom Hearts. (Our defense: clearly you didn't have a proper childhood, man. It's Disney.) I harrass everybody, and at one point I went and sat on James' lap to harrass him, and when I got back Girard lectured me on the female equivalent of cockblocking (pussyblocking?). I was like, "Uh..." But when I looked, he was right, the girl in James' group was flirting with him. Oopsies.

Talked to Kim on the way home, and she has a crush. I love it. I'm not going to put who it is here -- I highly doubt anyone who cares will read this, but you know, there's that chance and she doesn't want the whole school knowing -- but I was like... aw, crushes are horrible awful lovely little things.

Ha.

I think Cris and I have claimed the black cat that comes by our house for food now. (S)he is skittish, but not nearly as bad as most strays, probably domesticated before. Dad doesn't mind us feeding it, so we've been giving it milk and tuna and today I gave it chicken soup. I dunno its gender. Cris and I are thinking of naming it, but we aren't sure. We'd have to find out the gender first. So far we have Onyx for a boy and Guenhwyvar for a girl. Drizzt calls Guen 'it', but seems like a girl's name to me, probably because of Guineveire... but yeah. We're still considering other names.

It reminds me of Ebony/Leroy in Florida. Looks pretty much identical to him. I miss having a pet. =( We're such deprived children when it comes to pets, lol.
Tags:
karriezai: ([hp] [claw] tie)
Okay so I finally finished most of my homework. I'm supposed to answer questions about an article for LSN but I'm really too lazy. Yeah, I uh... had a lot of last minute college & scholarship stuff to fill out, it took a lot of time. It's depressing really. I should do my LSN homework but I'd rather type what I've written so far on my next 100fic prompt. Of course, I may not have time for that either because I still have to shower and organize the college shit so it's off my bed and I remember to bring the correct shit to school.

College application majigs are really very difficult for me. I don't have all my grades and I never really got in any extracurriculars. I found out I actually have a lot of awards and certificates -- it's really very overwhelming to really see just how many -- but they aren't the sorts of things that are asked for on a lot of applications. A lot of them are from before high school, and the Coca Cola Scholarship at least only wanted stuff from during high school.

Blah.

Well, my Speech essay was fun. In an odd "I don't want to be doing this" sort of way. It was about comparing Forrest Gump to the stuff we're learning about self-concept and perception. I was like awww, I kinda wanna watch this again. haha.
karriezai: ([kh] [riku] believe anything i feel)
Getting sick of work. Brandy's really getting on my last nerve. Michelle's leaving to be assistant manager at some other store. Ron's thinking of leaving if he can line up a better job. (So am I.)

I never set up an appointment at the clinic, haha, so I'm not sure what to do now. I guess I'll just have to stay off birth control for a month before I get my next set. Clinic's stupid, though. They never even contacted me with the results of my blood and urine tests. Whatever.

Watching the last episode of the USA House marathon, and god I miss that show, but I don't wanna come in on the middle of season three when I missed the beginning. I'm too impatient to wait for it to come out on DVD! Blah.

I wanna see The Prestige again.

I need to write. Maaaan, nano's two days away. And then I can check my SAT scores the day after it starts. Woohoo! I wanna know, I'm impatient. Really impatient lately.

I have homework. Normally I would have done it by now, but it's not due until Tuesday, so I could do it tomorrow night. Now I'll have to since I haven't done it yet. An essay for Speech (on Forrest Gump) and bring in a newspaper article for LSN and answer four questions about it. The article though, I'm not sure exactly what she's looking for. She gives these weirdass assignments that I'm never sure what she wants from us, haha. A "polling" news article. I'm thinking, obviously, elections, voting. But the questions are a little weird. I dunno.

Anyway.
Tags:
karriezai: ([kh] [soriku] inhale)
So I just remembered yesterday that I should be writing extra crap in my English class journal. I'm not sure how much of a grade we get for it, but he said to do it, so... yeah, I started writing. He says we should have one or two pages a week, I believe. And I assumed last time that one page was the front and two pages was the front and back, and he didn't express disagreement, so I'm going with that. I don't know how many weeks it's been since last journal check, but I have seven pages since I started writing yesterday. That sounds so big, but it's just four sheets of paper -- front, back, front, back, front, back, front. I wrote about a bunch of random shit, and then I started writing the first bit for soulcynosure100. It came along pretty well, too. Once I post this, I'm gonna type it up and start adding to it. I may not finish it today, but I'll post what I have and edit more in as I get more.

I dunno if LJ's being slow or the computer, but gah. Dumb. Bitcomet isn't on, so it isn't that.

I also read my english teacher's short story he wanted me to read, and... it was strange. It was too stiff for me -- my prose is more natural, he had no contractions even in dialogue -- but the story itself... it was very fucking odd when I first read it, but when I thought about it later, it was quite interesting.

He wanted to read something of mine, so I brought in my NaNo manuscripts from last year. (NaNo! Soon! -quail-)

Speaking of nano, I think I'm just gonna continue this 100fics thing through November and write 2,000 words a day. I'll only count what I write during the actual month of November, of course. It isn't a novel, but I've never quite followed the rules... for me nano is about actually getting the writing done, meeting your goal. What the goal is isn't so important as meeting it. So the rules say novel, original, not something you've written on before, and I say psshh. As long as only words written in November count. As long as I set a very challenging goal and meet it.

I do this because from the looks of things so far, a short story I can send to WotF may just emerge from my 100fic challenges.

I suppose that's all. Except I guess I'm gonna start using music and mood again, haha.
karriezai: ([house] oops)
Oh man, I feel bad. Romeo read my post, and it was meaner than I thought when I reread it. I mean, he's a nice kid and I know that, and I picked him for my partner because I knew he'd care enough to contribute to the project at all. Both of us being absent last Tuesday just made things harder, it was all a little last minute. I should have just spoken up sooner or something. He apologized and gave me chocolate, and it was so sweet, I feel awful for making him feel bad. =(

Ahhh. I had fun today though. First of all, for all the circumstances that surrounded the project, it went spiffingly. Dr. Moore read our paper and gave it a 100, she liked it very much. She liked the poster as well, and Romeo did a great job pasting it all together, it looks very nice.

Then I went out with Yuka. We met Adam at Dupont Circle and had the best time -- we hung out with Jason at Fatty's for a while, then we went to this restaurant called the California Pizza Kitchen for something to eat. We debated patriotism and the flaws and advantages of America, which was terrific, I love debate. Yuka and Adam were all anti-patriotism even though they agree America is a great country to live in and all that, they just don't agree with a lot of stuff here. I sided with patriotism but pointed out that I agree with them on most of the stuff they disapprove of in America; I'm just defining patriotism differently. I support America and I would defend it if it was attacked, but I acknowledge its flaws and the fact that we must work to improve them. I certainly don't agree with a lot of things about my country, but I still love it. They're decidedly more anti-Bush than me considering I'm not political to begin with and I think Bush was at least a better choice than Kerry, even though last election just sucked.

Then we went to the gay bookstore, and I got three pins and a bracelet, and I really look like a lesbian now but wtfever, haha. I liked the bracelet.

And we taught Adam proper boob- and ass-groping methods. He was just appreciative of the action -- 'the only action' he can get. (Same for me, haha, I miss my Egan.)

Yuka and I half-flirted with this guy on the metro just for the hell of it (it was really an accident), and... god we have the most fun together. We talked about going to college together and getting an apartment together, and it's going to be the most fun ever. The plan is to get an apartment together and go to College Park for two years, then take a year-long break (during which time I'll spend a year with Egan, taking a break from the world really, learning to survive just off nature), then go back to college for however long.

Ohhh it's gonna be fun.
karriezai: ([rl] [cell] my lover)
I have free time and I'm not sick. I mean, I have the mildest throat tickle thing going on, but I'm not actually sick anymore. I finished my project for school... with Romeo. The original deal was that I would write the paper (five pages, ten sources in the bibliography) and he would put together the poster, which I thought was more than fair. But then he said, "Why don't we work on the poster together during lunch on Monday?" So I spent about five hours researching and writing the damn paper Sunday, and then I printed out the pictures he found for the poster (and used up all my dad's expensive ink). I had bought the poster already on Saturday, so I had to carry it to school -- literally, the bus didn't go down on Reading Terrace this morning so I had to walk up to the metro with this posterboard and my binder and backpack, catch the train to Addison Road, and then walk up to the school. Then I missed lunch to work on the project with him.

Okay so in all, I contributed the five-page paper and all research necessary to write it, the poster board, the paper and ink and time to print the pictures... I titled the board and wrote the captions for all the pictures. Romeo found the pictures online, cut them out, bought a glue stick for a quarter, and pasted them on. And, presumably, took the poster to class. I dunno since I left when third period started and he was still working.

I'm irritated, but at the same time I don't think I trust what might have resulted if I hadn't put in this much work, if I'd just told him "I wrote the paper, you do the rest." Life isn't fair I guess, if you want a decent project you have to put in the work necessary to make it as nice as you want it to be.

I had fun in gym though. My spanish kids are great. Tomas was asking me what 'itchy' and 'brothel' mean. I swear the only english Jelver knows is 'eighteen' and 'masturbation'. I think the second one is mine and Yuka's fault. Anyway, since I have my replacement cell now, I've been taking pictures of friends again, and I have this nice sequence of events showing how the guys tackled an unwilling Tomas so I could get a picture of him. After that I guess he decided I'd already stolen his soul and couldn't do any more harm, because he posed for a final picture.

Derrick refused to let me take his picture and wiggled my number out of me by promising to send me one of him. Haha.

I love my picture of Chris at school, he looks so... "but that was my lunch money!" with the sadface.

I'm still making straight As, it appears. I was worried in precalc since I had the only A in class and I missed a couple days -- I didn't know if I was missing any assignments that might drag my grade down. But I have a 97. Grading period ends Wednesday, although according to Mike we don't get report cards for three weeks (what shit is that?).

I suppose that's all, but I miss my Yukanana, waaaaaaaa.

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