[original prose]

[karriezai]

For a brigits_flame challenge.


It wasn't a way Bishop Kendel was used to being addressed. People young and old had come to him pleading, confused, thankful, adoring--even, on occasion, fearful. But this little girl.... She couldn't be more than fifteen, but she looked up at him with a very adult hatred in her eyes. It took him a long time to find the words to respond. "Child, you are mistaken. You should not speak in such a way to a man of god."

"Why not?" she demanded. Her voice was acid. "It's the truth. You and your church, all of you, you're parasites! You don't give a damn about me or anyone who doesn't have money to 'give up to the Lord.'" She was on her knees, but she could have been standing seven feet tall. Kendel could swear her shadow grew longer in the candlelight.

"We give money to feed the poor and pay for medicine every week," he said.

"To those who donate." She bared her teeth like a feral dog. "To those who you think have something to offer. Not to those who really need it. Who have nothing. How much money even reaches the poor? How much stays in your coffers?"

"God cannot waste resources on those who serve no useful purpose in society," Kendel said.

"Who are you to decide any of that?" she demanded. There were tears shining on her face, but her expression did not cool. "How would you know what God wants? How do you know who might be useful if they had the resources to do anything but waste away from hunger and disease?"

He couldn't answer. It wasn't that he didn't know. Knowledge was simple for the priests. God guided them. They understood innately who deserved money and who didn't. And when they were in doubt, the Archbishop and other priests more experienced in seeking out God's will guided them in the right direction. But that wasn't something a nonbeliever would accept. Kendel had learned that long ago. "You are not a believer," he told her. "I could help you pray to God. He can give you the answers, but you have to seek Him out."

The sound that escaped her throat sounded like a growl. She jerked her eyes away from his and shook her head. After a moment, she climbed to her feet. "Maybe you should seek out your God. Has he spoken to you lately? When he does, does his voice sound just like the Archbishop's?" She laughed. It was an angry sound. "I believe. Just not in you."

She turned and walked away.

Comments

[jlly-coppercorn.livejournal.com]

I really liked this. The line where the preist says:
"God cannot waste resources on those who serve no useful purpose in society" really had an impact. It made me raise my eyebrows in disbelief that he said it outright. It really puts her rage into perspective. "I believe. Just not in you." carried the same kind of impact. This brief glimpse into what feels like a larger story speaks volumes in so few words. I wish I had that talent.

[keptawake.livejournal.com]

Well thank you! I didn't like it terribly much when I wrote it--I just wanted to qualify for the competition, so I wrote what came to mind. It's nice to see that it's still relatable. I was particularly worried that it would sound preachy. I have nothing against religion, but I do think that there are some churches that are like this. But ah, there's corruption in every part of society, isn't there?

Sorry to ramble! Thanks so much for your comment :D

[drippedonpaper.livejournal.com]

I am glad you realize not ALL churches are like this.

I do think many people in all spheres of society are though. To some extent, people do decide who to love/care for based on what they can get in return or according to how much the other person is like them.

And that is a sad statement. Is conditional love really love?

Your story does ring with truth, no matter which area of society you apply this observation of human nature to.

I really liked this entry though I find it very sad.

Your writing "makes me think" which is very helpful.

I am reminded of Mother Teresa though. Her whole life was serving and loving those who could never give anything in return: the dying.

And to me, that is love. (And no, I am not Catholic)

I hope to read more from you in the weeks ahead:)

[mermaidbia.livejournal.com]

That's one impressive first entry! Beautiful, and I love how fiercely you paint our image of the little girl, deceptively innocent, but with the ferocity of a rabid dog. I especially love this line: Kendel could swear her shadow grew longer in the candlelight. Such a simple detail, and still manages to do the job. And her last line really hits the nail on the head.

Fantastic!

[keptawake.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

And I adore your icon, haha.

[cedarwolfsinger.livejournal.com]

Wow! I'm so sorry for the young woman. I have felt that way in my life. Since she realizes that she believes in something, I hope she is able to define that for herself. Good work! I don't remember seeing you here before, so I will guess you are new... Welcome to the Flame! I hope you enjoy it here. I look forward to reading more of your work!

[mistvieh.livejournal.com]

Nothing like the short and sweet to start off a night of reading and voting.

Well done! I am very fond, personally, of pieces that speak volumes using very little words.

I found this line to be quite poignant, "It wasn't that he didn't know. Knowledge was simple for the priests. God guided them." You portrayed this simple, yet mildly upsetting fact, quite well.

Good luck. :-)

[lalalaleigha.livejournal.com]

This is very powerful. Your descriptions really fit the mood of the dialogue, which makes for a pleasantly consistent piece. Quite a strong entry -- good luck!

[wierdauntie.livejournal.com]

Potent!

[darlinleo.livejournal.com]

I really like this!
The obvious delusion of the priesthood and the intense anger of the girl, you portrayed these very well! Great job!