.211 x stuff

[karriezai]

So I tried weed for the first time Wednesday night. And probably the only time. I really hated it. I was already drunk, which probably contributed, but it was a really scary feeling. I felt completely disconnected. I had this weird moment that I'm never going to be able to explain properly, but it was sort of like I realized reality was just an endless loop, and I could see every thread of it, and it was terrifying. I just wanted to piece back together the threads that made the reality of that moment so that I wouldn't have that terrifying floaty disconnected feeling, and even if the reality I returned to was an illusion, at least it wasn't so completely depressing. It was a horribly real feeling. I could feel it slipping away as I came down, and I knew, I remember thinking to myself, this feeling will fade and later I won't remember the true depth of it. But at the time I know it was terrifying. And it seemed to last forever.

I was so alone in my head. I don't know how Danny or Alicia were affected. I don't know anything else that went on outside my head, except I know we were watching the episode of How I Met Your Mother where Lily dressed up as a parrot for Halloween because I was focusing on that trying to pull reality back together. That, and then Danny's hand on mine, and his pink shirt with the flowers on it.

So yeah. I don't want to do it again. I might one day consider brownies if there's no alcohol involved, but not anytime soon I think.

I also just got an email from my dad saying Mom told him how much repairs on my car cost and I'm to pay her back as soon as possible. I was like, "Gee, thanks Dad." I've already tried a little. She wanted to buy a giftcard for Danny's parents to their favorite restaurant for taking such good care of me, but I told her to let me buy it with my money, and she should put whatever money she was going to use on it toward her credit card. I didn't need any prompting for that. I feel bad about how much my car cost to fix. And it's not like I did anything to break it, even. It's just an old car. It's done so well for its age, to be honest. It has working AC, no major defects... I think it's just mad because I don't wash it enough.

Um yeah. I guess that's it. Except I plan to submit my WotF entry that just got Honorable Mention to Realms of Fantasy magazine, see if I can get some money out of that.

Comments

[yourcowboymouth.livejournal.com]

thats what pot does to me

[keptawake.livejournal.com]

Ee, scary. Do you do it often, then?

[yourcowboymouth.livejournal.com]

nope.. only 3 times ever. the time between each time i tried has been did it once.. blah. tried it again 4 months later.. worst experience of my entire life. then a year and a half later.. still really bad but not as bad as the second time

i mean i know people enjoy it, i'm constantly around people that do, but i couldn't shake that terrifying feeling that reality was slipping away, you know?

[keptawake.livejournal.com]

Definitely how I felt, yes. I'm glad it's not super unusual though. Heh.

[waterismyeye.livejournal.com]

weed while drunk will knock anyone on their ass. Usually puts me to sleep right away. Well, did, anyways. Goodbye, weed days.