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I'm going to try to keep this short so as not to embarrass myself, but I doubt I'll succeed. So just in case I'm putting bold headlines; those are the important parts. The ranting below is really just to make myself feel better, and no one has to read that unless they're just exceptionally bored.

When Dad gets mad, nothing is his fault. I hope to God I'm not like that.

Even my mom can't talk to Dad half the time when he's angry. Once she said half-jokingly while he was angry about us leaving stuff all over the place and not cleaning up, "They learn by example." He had been mad because he lost something. (God forbid Dad ever loses something, or even finds out you lost something of your own. All hell breaks loose.) He was using the 'If you guys would just fucking keep the house clean, we wouldn't lose stuff,' tack. But he got so pissed at Mom for saying that, "They learn by example." "Oh, it's all my fault, is it? Everything's MY fault?" He started stomping around and throwing shit down the stairs, telling us to take anything that was lying around where it didn't belong out to the dumpster.

Today it's Cris' lessons. I didn't even know what I did, he just started raving at me about how Cris should be finished with his test by now and somehow it's my fault (no, I'm not pulling a Dad; that's just one factor of what he was pissed over that I didn't, at the time, see how it could be my fault in any way). He asked me what time I got up, and I said, "I already told you, twelve." Which brings me to my next headline.

Yes, I get up too late, and yes, it's my fault -- most days. However, Dad picked today to jump all over me about it, and today not only was it not my fault for once, I got up earlier than he and Cris both.

Yeah. I got up at noon. They got up at one. Anyway. Yesterday I got up at seven because Mom got me up. That was fine. I expected her to get me up again today, but she didn't. I'm not saying it's her fault, I'm just saying that that's why I didn't set my alarm. I went to go to sleep at midnight; I laid down at eleven and read until midnight. Then Dad came in to lay with me. See, he can't sleep with Mom because she snores, and I'm the only family member who doesn't ever seem to snore. (I'm sure I do sometimes, but whatever.) He's supposed to sleep on the pull-out bed downstairs when Mom has work the next day and he doesn't, but it's too uncomfortable for him. He likes my bed better, but it always takes me longer to get to sleep with him in there.

And it turns out if I had turned on my alarm it wouldn't have mattered anyway. By some freak coincidence, it went off at 2 in the morning (which is the only reason Dad left) even though it was set for seven and I don't recall turning it on anyway. I'll have to go check to see if the time it's set for has changed or if it really was a freak accident. I dunno.

So I really didn't wake up until noon. Maybe it is my fault. I don't know. I don't really see how I could have commanded my body to get me up earlier, which seems like the only option I had left.

Dad said, "And if you're thinking it isn't fair because I slept in, too, remember that this is my day off. You like to sleep in on weekends and we don't say anything about it. I have to get up at five every day I work, am I expected to do it on my days off too?" That was a very small part of my irritation. Besides, you're the one who decided to homeschool us. Even Mom didn't want to do it. You accepted it as your responsibility.

I'm supposed to go to bed at 8. Dad had better record House or something.

But I don't know. He cools down after temper tantrums like that. We're leaving for Florida on Friday; I doubt he'll still hold to the "8'o'clock curfew, I'll get you up when I get up every morning, and you'll call me every half hour so I know you're awake" thing when we get back from Florida. He may even ease off it by the time he gets home from wherever he went with Mom. She'll talk to him, I imagine... something, maybe. I'm not holding out for tonight, though. I'll ask Mom to record House.

I managed not to start crying so bad I couldn't talk... until the most ridiculous thing. I wanted my cookies, and when I called Mom to ask where they are, she said Dad figured I didn't want any more and took them to work.

The most ridiculous thing to cry over, but it was the last straw. It would have been different if other people ate them all in the house or even if Mom took them to work, I imagine, but I was pissed at Dad already. Besides, I only got two out of the box in the first place. I forced myself to stop crying, wiped my face, and got out A Clash of Kings to calm me down. It worked.

Oh yeah, Dad was mad at Cris too, not just me, so I don't sound like it was all focused on me for no good reason.

The curfew is supposed to be in place for Cris as well. -shrug- I dunno.

I want to complain about having to keep up with chores, do my schoolwork, and teach Cris everyday, but I'm not sure I have a right to.

I barely manage things as it is. I do need to get up earlier, yes, because then I would have time to do all the schoolwork I'm supposed to do everyday. I'm gonna ask Mom to get me up every morning when she goes to work. But Dad would like to have me sit down and do every lesson with Cris the way he does. I really don't think I have time for that. On Dad's days off, he spends the day working with Cris. Sometimes he does his own college work. But he doesn't clean... maybe he would have time to and just doesn't want to clean. One way or the other, it isn't exactly fair.

I'm fine with letting Cris do his lessons and then doing his spelling with him and making sure he did and understood everything once he's done. I just can't really sit there with him the whole day, assignment by assignment. That's what Dad made it sound like he wanted done today. And he acted as if I haven't been doing anything with Cris lately. Granted, it's been in the last week or two that I've been sitting down with him after every day's work and making sure it was all done and understood, but I've been doing it religiously. No need to piss about how I wasn't being as thorough as I should before I started doing what I have been doing. I know. I'm doing it correctly now.

It's nasty when Dad picks his feet. I was okay with him jokingly blaming it on me. It's not okay when he leaves it on the floor for me to vaccuum up later.

That really about sums that one up.

I'm going to try to make cookies. Mom said I could. Hopefully I get done before eight/they get home before eight so I don't get in trouble.