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I don't update anymore, do I? It's terrible. Aze told me I had to -- she threatened me! -- so I'm giving it a shot.
School is normal. Pretty dull. Most days I don't really want to be there, but not in a vehement I-hate-this way. More like just there are better things to do. I skipped school -- like actual skipping, not just oops I woke up late -- for the first time this year. Not a full day, just leaving early. I've done it a few times. Just fourth period, though. Which is Drama on B days and French on A days. It's hard to miss much. I've been kind of tuned out lately. I do all my work, but I fall asleep in class sometimes -- usually only when we aren't doing anything anyway. On progress reports I had a B in english. I hope I've brought it up, but I haven't had much of a chance to. We don't have much actual classwork, we just read and have discussions and I kind of daze off for a lot of those discussions. Meh.
I just finished reading Phantom by Terry Goodkind, the tenth book in the series I've been reading. It's been so long I don't remember a lot of stuff from the first books, but it's still good. Not the best books I've ever read, but really good. He has a great story, but his writing style, while decent, leaves a lot to be desired. All of his characters sound the same, especially when they go into speeches. Then they just sound like him writing prose, basically. Real people don't describe shit like that when they're explaining stuff that's happened. Well, a rare few might, but not every character in the story. It bothers me. And he can be a little preachy too. But oh well, it's worth it in the end.
Work sucks. Like awfully. I want to leave. I don't think I'll be able to stay long after Danny leaves, however that ends up happening. Tomorrow we'll find out. He says either he'll be transferred, fired, or he'll quit. I hope he's transferred, for his sake, because it'll be the best way for him. But once he's gone, I don't want to deal with the bullshit at work anymore. I mean, without Danny, Brandy won't really have many ways to fuck with me anymore (because a part of me really believes she's being a bitch to him because of me and/or to get to me, no matter how self-centered that sounds), but oh she's so awful. And here's my reasoning on that little aside. She never fucked with Danny before we started going out, at least not more than anyone else (which means yes, she fucked with him horribly, but it has increased tenfold since then). She had no problem with Danny and Yuka, just told Yuka if she ever felt like she didn't want to work with Danny or whatever to let her know.
Then I finally got so fed-up with her bullshit that I emailed Rick, and since then, Danny's gotten three write-ups over idiotic things. Other people don't get written up for worse. First write-up didn't really happen, it was just on the word of one complaining customer. I don't remember what the second one was, but the third was on a messy close that couldn't be helped due to fast business, only two people closing, and having to get out by ten. He left a till out of the safe on accident after that and thought for sure he'd be fired. That's still up in the air; we'll find out tomorrow. But Ron has left out all four tills and the deposit bag, and I don't know if he was even written up, though he may well have been.
She's been riding him, and I think it's a way to get to me, knowing that we're together... because it's so much easier to find reasons to get a shift in trouble than a barista. They have so many more responsibilities. I was written up for being under more than five dollars on my till once, but that's really all a barista can be written up for unless she does something fucking ridiculous... and I do my job.
Maybe I'm just paranoid. It's possible. There's just something about her. To your face, she's like, "I don't want to upset anyone, I don't want to cause problems, I could be wrong, blah blah blah." But behind your back she tries to drag drama out of other partners. She gossips. Ugh.
I just want out of there. I don't think I'll even have the patience to find a new job first. Especially if Danny's fired. That would be total bullshit and... I wouldn't walk out, because I'm not dumb, but I'd put in my two weeks on the spot. And probably give them a piece of my mind. At least I hope so. Last time I talked to Brandy I actually got out some things I wanted to say, so hopefully that courage will stay with me. I think it will.
I dunno. I want to work but I don't. If I find a job I actually enjoy, I'll be fine -- I mean, Starbucks was a ton of fun at first. But right now I'd rather just buckle the fuck down, actually write, and make money with it. It wouldn't really work, especially since I'm adamant about at least attempting Writers of the Future first and they're looking for new authors, not published ones.
Whatever.
Things with Danny are going fucking great, I love him so much. I'm still adjusting, getting into the feel of a regular relationship, getting out of the 'this-is-so-new' feeling. Because the new feeling, it still carries certain insecurities, worries, but those are fading. I can see how much he cares about me. At first I felt like I shouldn't call him much or try to see him whenever I get the chance, every day if I can, because it seems so clingy, but I can see he likes it the same as I do. I don't need to worry because we both want to see each other just as much.
It's been about a month and a half. It seems so much longer in some ways. It's amazing.
I could write more if I had more time, but I really should get some sleep. So I'm off to brush my teeth and call Danny... and then sleep.
edit
from a private entry a while back:
And Danny. With him, I really doubt we'll get uber-serious. I'm almost certain we'll sleep together. Haha. I mean... duh. But I don't think I'll be one of his 'real' girlfriends. This is just comfortable fun. We've got stuff in common and we're compatable as far as I can tell... but I doubt anything real will come of it. We'll probably get bored of each other eventually -- one of us will start to get attracted to someone else -- and we'll just end it, probably. No hard feelings, I would think. I guess we'll see.
Lol. That's so fucking ironic in retrospect, because it's so serious. Maybe that relaxed attitude approaching it helped, I dunno, because it just kind of... happened. Man I love him. I love my life. =P
School is normal. Pretty dull. Most days I don't really want to be there, but not in a vehement I-hate-this way. More like just there are better things to do. I skipped school -- like actual skipping, not just oops I woke up late -- for the first time this year. Not a full day, just leaving early. I've done it a few times. Just fourth period, though. Which is Drama on B days and French on A days. It's hard to miss much. I've been kind of tuned out lately. I do all my work, but I fall asleep in class sometimes -- usually only when we aren't doing anything anyway. On progress reports I had a B in english. I hope I've brought it up, but I haven't had much of a chance to. We don't have much actual classwork, we just read and have discussions and I kind of daze off for a lot of those discussions. Meh.
I just finished reading Phantom by Terry Goodkind, the tenth book in the series I've been reading. It's been so long I don't remember a lot of stuff from the first books, but it's still good. Not the best books I've ever read, but really good. He has a great story, but his writing style, while decent, leaves a lot to be desired. All of his characters sound the same, especially when they go into speeches. Then they just sound like him writing prose, basically. Real people don't describe shit like that when they're explaining stuff that's happened. Well, a rare few might, but not every character in the story. It bothers me. And he can be a little preachy too. But oh well, it's worth it in the end.
Work sucks. Like awfully. I want to leave. I don't think I'll be able to stay long after Danny leaves, however that ends up happening. Tomorrow we'll find out. He says either he'll be transferred, fired, or he'll quit. I hope he's transferred, for his sake, because it'll be the best way for him. But once he's gone, I don't want to deal with the bullshit at work anymore. I mean, without Danny, Brandy won't really have many ways to fuck with me anymore (because a part of me really believes she's being a bitch to him because of me and/or to get to me, no matter how self-centered that sounds), but oh she's so awful. And here's my reasoning on that little aside. She never fucked with Danny before we started going out, at least not more than anyone else (which means yes, she fucked with him horribly, but it has increased tenfold since then). She had no problem with Danny and Yuka, just told Yuka if she ever felt like she didn't want to work with Danny or whatever to let her know.
Then I finally got so fed-up with her bullshit that I emailed Rick, and since then, Danny's gotten three write-ups over idiotic things. Other people don't get written up for worse. First write-up didn't really happen, it was just on the word of one complaining customer. I don't remember what the second one was, but the third was on a messy close that couldn't be helped due to fast business, only two people closing, and having to get out by ten. He left a till out of the safe on accident after that and thought for sure he'd be fired. That's still up in the air; we'll find out tomorrow. But Ron has left out all four tills and the deposit bag, and I don't know if he was even written up, though he may well have been.
She's been riding him, and I think it's a way to get to me, knowing that we're together... because it's so much easier to find reasons to get a shift in trouble than a barista. They have so many more responsibilities. I was written up for being under more than five dollars on my till once, but that's really all a barista can be written up for unless she does something fucking ridiculous... and I do my job.
Maybe I'm just paranoid. It's possible. There's just something about her. To your face, she's like, "I don't want to upset anyone, I don't want to cause problems, I could be wrong, blah blah blah." But behind your back she tries to drag drama out of other partners. She gossips. Ugh.
I just want out of there. I don't think I'll even have the patience to find a new job first. Especially if Danny's fired. That would be total bullshit and... I wouldn't walk out, because I'm not dumb, but I'd put in my two weeks on the spot. And probably give them a piece of my mind. At least I hope so. Last time I talked to Brandy I actually got out some things I wanted to say, so hopefully that courage will stay with me. I think it will.
I dunno. I want to work but I don't. If I find a job I actually enjoy, I'll be fine -- I mean, Starbucks was a ton of fun at first. But right now I'd rather just buckle the fuck down, actually write, and make money with it. It wouldn't really work, especially since I'm adamant about at least attempting Writers of the Future first and they're looking for new authors, not published ones.
Whatever.
Things with Danny are going fucking great, I love him so much. I'm still adjusting, getting into the feel of a regular relationship, getting out of the 'this-is-so-new' feeling. Because the new feeling, it still carries certain insecurities, worries, but those are fading. I can see how much he cares about me. At first I felt like I shouldn't call him much or try to see him whenever I get the chance, every day if I can, because it seems so clingy, but I can see he likes it the same as I do. I don't need to worry because we both want to see each other just as much.
It's been about a month and a half. It seems so much longer in some ways. It's amazing.
I could write more if I had more time, but I really should get some sleep. So I'm off to brush my teeth and call Danny... and then sleep.
edit
from a private entry a while back:
And Danny. With him, I really doubt we'll get uber-serious. I'm almost certain we'll sleep together. Haha. I mean... duh. But I don't think I'll be one of his 'real' girlfriends. This is just comfortable fun. We've got stuff in common and we're compatable as far as I can tell... but I doubt anything real will come of it. We'll probably get bored of each other eventually -- one of us will start to get attracted to someone else -- and we'll just end it, probably. No hard feelings, I would think. I guess we'll see.
Lol. That's so fucking ironic in retrospect, because it's so serious. Maybe that relaxed attitude approaching it helped, I dunno, because it just kind of... happened. Man I love him. I love my life. =P