uunggh ;_;

I was gonna say happy May 1st, but fuck it.

We tried math and physics today, and Dad ended up just telling me to do five hours of literature a day until I'm finished with the course, at which time we will worry about the other two.

I don't say anything, but my private response is, "Five hours of literature a day? You've got to be fucking kidding me!"

Don't get me wrong, I like reading. But I like reading what I want to read. And I don't like spending an hour dissecting what I've read and trying to figure out what literary scholars think of it and how I'm expected to respond to the idiotic questions about the passages. And then, of course, there are the writing projects. Some are okay. Like the epic poem one that is my next assignment; that sounds pretty fun, but I've been avoiding it because I want to get the hell out of this class and the other two at JMHS.

My god. Five hours. That is so... dull... and repetitive... and LONG. In all my emo splendor, I feel like saying I want to go jump off a cliff, but it isn't true and I'm not actually at all emo. I'm an optimist. Dad's just making being an optimist really difficult now. If I was a pessimist, I'd be so screwed.

I'm gonna call the home instruction office now. I figured out what to do. I'll leave the cell number and let Cris know. I'll leave the cell on and just charge it at night in my room. Carry it with me everywhere; I've taken to doing that lately anyway. I need to get this figured out hella quick because this fucking sucks.

Dad's taking Mom to lunch now, so I think I'm gonna try calling now. I accidentally memorized the number, so... that's cool. I'll also go dig up the charger and put it in my room so I don't forget tonight.

ETA: Shiiiiiit. I called and actually got a human operator, but she said my credits wouldn't be accepted by Prince George's County schools, so I'd have to test for my four core subjects and my electives wouldn't count.

Now, I'm not sure JMHS is your typical correspondence school, because it goes toward an actual diploma. If I could, I'd just write for them to send my transcripts to Central and see if they even realize I was homeschooled or if they just accept the credits and place me in the twelfth grade. But I can't, because they would think I'm transferring in for sure and Dad would find out... and I'd be so, so dead.

I'm gonna talk to Mom and tell her and see what she thinks... unless she talks to Dad while they're out eating and he comes home raging, in which case... all I can say is fuck fuck fuck.

But it isn't fair. I shouldn't have to teach myself! I shouldn't have to do five hours of literature a day! But I can't even tell that to the public schools because then none of my credits will count for sure, because the only one who can teach you is your parent -- and obviously I can't teach myself.

I really really really just want to go to Central. I don't want to get my GED and go into the Air Force. I don't even want to move in with Aze because I don't want to get alienated from my parents like that... and my mom could take me getting a GED or going to Central, but the one thing she absolutely refuses for me to do is move in with Aze and go to her school. Plus Aze's parents have five kids and I don't want to be a burden. And all that. And I certainly, certainly don't want to finish at JMHS. Maybe I've just locked myself into the mind set that I can't do it, but whatever, I'm there. I don't want to do this anymore.

cue the happy bunnies

Okay, so, apparently a combination of factors led my dad to change his mind about going back to highschool next year. First, he overheard Mom telling me how she had no choice in the matter and never really wanted us homeschooled. Second, he found out at work that he can keep Cris and I as dependents until we turn 21 -- and later if we're in college. Third, he talked to Mom when they went out to lunch and she told him what I'd been doing. Since he was already thinking about letting me go back (I guess), he wasn't pissed over it. And Mom told him that I hadn't wanted her to tell him what I was doing because I didn't want him to stop me in the middle -- I wanted him to know how serious I was about this.

So he came home and pretended Mom didn't tell him anything and said he'd been thinking, and if I did all the research and everything myself, he might let me go back to highschool. So I'm gonna talk to Yuka and/or go up to Central and talk to the guidance counselors about what the school is like. I've got other stuff to look into -- concurrent enrollment and when they're starting enrollment for next school year. I've gotta write JMHS for my transcript and all that jazz, and I can't withdraw there until I know for sure I'm gonna go to Central.

In other words, a great big YAY.