.oo5 x bad week
10/10/06 15:01![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
karriezaiI dunno what's up, but I've been having a horrible time the last few days. I mean... not like I'm completely miserable all the time, but I've never had so much bad stuff happen to me so close together. I just never was that person -- I've always had a charmed life. I guess it's gotta break sometime.
Friday I overslept and missed school. I could have gone in time for second period, but it was raining, and I didn't want to walk to metro unless I had to. I probably already talked about that here, so yeah.
Yesterday I was really late to work for the first time. I didn't think I worked at all. She called me fifteen minutes after I was supposed to have gotten there, and by the time I made it in, I was an hour late. As if I don't have few enough hours these days... I felt so horrible because it was completely my mistake, I'd been thinking it was still last week. I had the right times written down in my agenda, I just had last week's times in my head. But the bright side here: it was really slow at work, so it didn't really cause a problem, just made me feel bad.
And today I was a stupid idiot and left my bag in the gym when we went outside to walk laps. Coach even told us to bring our valuables, but I thought, who leaves their valuables in their bag besides me? Who'd even check? I got back and my bag was gone.
Well, we found the bag eventually. One of the guys found it in the boys' locker room. But my cell phone was gone, as was the money in my wallet, my debit card, and my smart trip. And my mp3 player. We cancelled the debit card and phone, so frankly what worries me most is the mp3 player, because there's no way I'm getting that back. I only had $2 on my smart trip, plus a $33 paper card, but I didn't have to pay for them, and neither did anyone in my family. I imagine there's some kind of insurance on my phone... and I'll get a new debit card mailed to me free of charge. Though I do need to go make sure it wasn't used before the cancellation went through.
It was a stupid mistake, but I guess I had to have my trust broken at some point. It's hard to believe someone would just walk off with my bag and steal everything out of it. The way I'm feeling now, I realize just how naive I am, because I know -- theoretically -- that there are bad people out there, but it just seems so... impossible. How can you just take what isn't yours? Something that big, something that could seriously fuck stuff up for someone?
Central has the worst security, though. The only advice the guards could offer was to suspend my cell phone's service. I mean, I understand you can't search the whole school for the kid who stole it. Yuka doubts they were even there anymore. But honestly, the number of kids just wandering the hallways in the middle of class is ridiculous. Shouldn't the school keep an eye out for that? Make sure the kids go to class?
It's particularly irritating because of uniforms. I have such mixed feelings about uniforms. The point is to reduce theft and violence and shit like that, but uniforms just started this week, and this is the first time I've ever been stolen from. It isn't that we need uniforms, it's that the school needs to get off its ass and actually patrol the hallways.
God, uniforms. Central went about them entirely the wrong way. The Supreme Court hasn't set a standard yet. But from what reading I've been doing, I can see that in other schools with uniforms there are at least one of three things: a parental opt-out policy, a chance for kids who don't want uniforms to go to another school, and/or financial aid. Especially the latter. And uniforms aren't supposed to be that expensive, based on the sums I've seen. But not only does Central not offer any of these options, the uniforms it tried to force us to buy at first were crazy expensive. It's illegal to do that, too -- force the kids to buy their uniforms from one company, no financial aid at all, just you have to do this. Only recently did the school start saying no, you don't have to buy from this one company, just get the right color and style. It reeks of wrongness.
I hate these uniforms on principle. I didn't buy the ridiculous ones they insisted on at first. We went out and got the right color and style, and I actually like what we found, surprisingly. So it's not that I have a problem wearing them on that level. It's just so wrong to force uniformity on kids, to insist on squashing individuality and self-expression. And another part of me says that there are other ways to express yourself. And there are places in the world where uniforms are the norm, not even questioned. It's such a can of worms.
The initial guidelines were so ridiculously strict. They were absolutely designed to smother expression of self in your appearance. But they can't enforce such strict guidelines, I doubt they'll even try, seeing the start they've gotten off to.
I want to rebel, but at the same time, I fought to get into this school. I can fight to make it better, yes, but up to what point? I can't get suspended or expelled. I wanted this school. And yes, this fight is a part of it. So is getting stolen from, apparently; now I know better than to be so trusting. Never leave my shit lying around. I needed to learn that, obviously.
So there are things I will do. I will research, I will put together information... and I'll dye my hair crazy colors, and I'll wear pins on my clothing, and I'll do whatever other crazy shit I can manage while still wearing the uniforms they demanded.
It's depressing to look around and see everyone dressed the same. In the mornings, everywhere it's khaki pants. The shirts aren't so bad; kids wear jackets and overshirts, not to mention backpacks, to school. Whatever.
The ID annoyed me enough. But I decided if the teachers have to wear it, I can be mature enough to wear mine too. That's fine. But teachers don't have to wear uniforms. It's ironic on so many levels. Teachers can work somewhere else; most of these kids have no choice in where they go to school. But I did. But I'm still the one putting up a fuss.
I don't want to be the one who doesn't speak up against these things. I shouldn't take so much shit from Brandy, but most of the time I do. It doesn't bother me as much as it probably should half the time. I'm very easy going, I'm only now beginning to realize how much so. I don't get riled easily. I wasn't even all that upset about getting stolen from. Dumbfounded, certainly. And I cried a little on the phone talking to mom, but I think that was mostly confronting her with this stupid thing that happened. And it was only a little.
Insanity.
Happier things. I finished Mistborn, and oh man that guy's good. When he commented on my journal, I was absolutely stunned... and after a moment, I realized that a part of my mind was thinking of him as Kelsier the character, not Brandon Sanderson the author. But that's beside the point. It's great that he's that active with his fans, he can just stumble across one of them and spare time to say hello or offer some friendly advice. That is absolutely the way I want to be ifwhen I get published. Not to mention that good. I'm sad to have finished, but ecstatic to know what happened. The book seems so complete, with only one fairly clear thread that could run into another book (that I noticed), that it's hard to believe the bit on the jacket flap about this book being the first in a trilogy... but I look forward to it.
I could just ramble about it, but it's best not to spoil anything for anyone who hasn't read it. (Not that anyone reads my journal, random passersby notwithstanding.)
Obviously I need to finish writing my own. I kind of stopped to start reading again. Most of the time, writing and reading don't go that well together for me, not if the book I'm reading is very good. I'd rather spend extra moments absorbing the book, getting closer to the finish, than writing. Haha. But that's it, I'm out of books for a time, at least ones that truly strike me -- there are others I could read, but they wouldn't be the can't-put-me-down sort of books.
Egan's birthday was yesterday, ahh. He's so adorable. Said he felt like a little kid when he got the knives I sent him. I'm glad. It makes me smile thinking of it. I didn't get to talk to him much, but hey, every minute's worth it.
Why are goodbyes the best? Hugs at the end of the night, goodbyes at the end of a conversation. Even the great goodbye when he left for Seattle led to something... perfect.
I love him. Still feels a little odd.
I remember when it was new, and I got the impression that once you make a promise with him, you keep it. I made a promise... and it was delayed, I didn't get to it until he was already gone, but I did it. And I reminded him. And he admitted that he hadn't expected me to keep that particular one. But I think he remembers it, and knows that if we make a promise, I know to keep it.
We promised last night that in three years, we would drop everything (after sufficient preparation, of course) and spend one year living in the wild, just on survival skills and the like. At first I was a little hesitant. I hate camping with my parents, haha. But then I think of it from a different view, the view that directly or indirectly moves almost every single thing in my life: the view of a writer. It would be such a great thing to experience, just to know what it's like. And I want to learn things like archery and the like -- what better time to learn?
There's this thing about choosing to do something of your own volition. I hate camping with my parents for various reasons, most particularly the lack of showering and sleeping in a tent (I hate the feeling of waking up in a tent), but I don't have much of a choice in the matter. Choosing to do it on my own is something entirely different. Maybe there's a bit of pride in it... most likely, actually.
I suppose I've made this long enough. I make entries far too long sometimes.
Friday I overslept and missed school. I could have gone in time for second period, but it was raining, and I didn't want to walk to metro unless I had to. I probably already talked about that here, so yeah.
Yesterday I was really late to work for the first time. I didn't think I worked at all. She called me fifteen minutes after I was supposed to have gotten there, and by the time I made it in, I was an hour late. As if I don't have few enough hours these days... I felt so horrible because it was completely my mistake, I'd been thinking it was still last week. I had the right times written down in my agenda, I just had last week's times in my head. But the bright side here: it was really slow at work, so it didn't really cause a problem, just made me feel bad.
And today I was a stupid idiot and left my bag in the gym when we went outside to walk laps. Coach even told us to bring our valuables, but I thought, who leaves their valuables in their bag besides me? Who'd even check? I got back and my bag was gone.
Well, we found the bag eventually. One of the guys found it in the boys' locker room. But my cell phone was gone, as was the money in my wallet, my debit card, and my smart trip. And my mp3 player. We cancelled the debit card and phone, so frankly what worries me most is the mp3 player, because there's no way I'm getting that back. I only had $2 on my smart trip, plus a $33 paper card, but I didn't have to pay for them, and neither did anyone in my family. I imagine there's some kind of insurance on my phone... and I'll get a new debit card mailed to me free of charge. Though I do need to go make sure it wasn't used before the cancellation went through.
It was a stupid mistake, but I guess I had to have my trust broken at some point. It's hard to believe someone would just walk off with my bag and steal everything out of it. The way I'm feeling now, I realize just how naive I am, because I know -- theoretically -- that there are bad people out there, but it just seems so... impossible. How can you just take what isn't yours? Something that big, something that could seriously fuck stuff up for someone?
Central has the worst security, though. The only advice the guards could offer was to suspend my cell phone's service. I mean, I understand you can't search the whole school for the kid who stole it. Yuka doubts they were even there anymore. But honestly, the number of kids just wandering the hallways in the middle of class is ridiculous. Shouldn't the school keep an eye out for that? Make sure the kids go to class?
It's particularly irritating because of uniforms. I have such mixed feelings about uniforms. The point is to reduce theft and violence and shit like that, but uniforms just started this week, and this is the first time I've ever been stolen from. It isn't that we need uniforms, it's that the school needs to get off its ass and actually patrol the hallways.
God, uniforms. Central went about them entirely the wrong way. The Supreme Court hasn't set a standard yet. But from what reading I've been doing, I can see that in other schools with uniforms there are at least one of three things: a parental opt-out policy, a chance for kids who don't want uniforms to go to another school, and/or financial aid. Especially the latter. And uniforms aren't supposed to be that expensive, based on the sums I've seen. But not only does Central not offer any of these options, the uniforms it tried to force us to buy at first were crazy expensive. It's illegal to do that, too -- force the kids to buy their uniforms from one company, no financial aid at all, just you have to do this. Only recently did the school start saying no, you don't have to buy from this one company, just get the right color and style. It reeks of wrongness.
I hate these uniforms on principle. I didn't buy the ridiculous ones they insisted on at first. We went out and got the right color and style, and I actually like what we found, surprisingly. So it's not that I have a problem wearing them on that level. It's just so wrong to force uniformity on kids, to insist on squashing individuality and self-expression. And another part of me says that there are other ways to express yourself. And there are places in the world where uniforms are the norm, not even questioned. It's such a can of worms.
The initial guidelines were so ridiculously strict. They were absolutely designed to smother expression of self in your appearance. But they can't enforce such strict guidelines, I doubt they'll even try, seeing the start they've gotten off to.
I want to rebel, but at the same time, I fought to get into this school. I can fight to make it better, yes, but up to what point? I can't get suspended or expelled. I wanted this school. And yes, this fight is a part of it. So is getting stolen from, apparently; now I know better than to be so trusting. Never leave my shit lying around. I needed to learn that, obviously.
So there are things I will do. I will research, I will put together information... and I'll dye my hair crazy colors, and I'll wear pins on my clothing, and I'll do whatever other crazy shit I can manage while still wearing the uniforms they demanded.
It's depressing to look around and see everyone dressed the same. In the mornings, everywhere it's khaki pants. The shirts aren't so bad; kids wear jackets and overshirts, not to mention backpacks, to school. Whatever.
The ID annoyed me enough. But I decided if the teachers have to wear it, I can be mature enough to wear mine too. That's fine. But teachers don't have to wear uniforms. It's ironic on so many levels. Teachers can work somewhere else; most of these kids have no choice in where they go to school. But I did. But I'm still the one putting up a fuss.
I don't want to be the one who doesn't speak up against these things. I shouldn't take so much shit from Brandy, but most of the time I do. It doesn't bother me as much as it probably should half the time. I'm very easy going, I'm only now beginning to realize how much so. I don't get riled easily. I wasn't even all that upset about getting stolen from. Dumbfounded, certainly. And I cried a little on the phone talking to mom, but I think that was mostly confronting her with this stupid thing that happened. And it was only a little.
Insanity.
Happier things. I finished Mistborn, and oh man that guy's good. When he commented on my journal, I was absolutely stunned... and after a moment, I realized that a part of my mind was thinking of him as Kelsier the character, not Brandon Sanderson the author. But that's beside the point. It's great that he's that active with his fans, he can just stumble across one of them and spare time to say hello or offer some friendly advice. That is absolutely the way I want to be ifwhen I get published. Not to mention that good. I'm sad to have finished, but ecstatic to know what happened. The book seems so complete, with only one fairly clear thread that could run into another book (that I noticed), that it's hard to believe the bit on the jacket flap about this book being the first in a trilogy... but I look forward to it.
I could just ramble about it, but it's best not to spoil anything for anyone who hasn't read it. (Not that anyone reads my journal, random passersby notwithstanding.)
Obviously I need to finish writing my own. I kind of stopped to start reading again. Most of the time, writing and reading don't go that well together for me, not if the book I'm reading is very good. I'd rather spend extra moments absorbing the book, getting closer to the finish, than writing. Haha. But that's it, I'm out of books for a time, at least ones that truly strike me -- there are others I could read, but they wouldn't be the can't-put-me-down sort of books.
Egan's birthday was yesterday, ahh. He's so adorable. Said he felt like a little kid when he got the knives I sent him. I'm glad. It makes me smile thinking of it. I didn't get to talk to him much, but hey, every minute's worth it.
Why are goodbyes the best? Hugs at the end of the night, goodbyes at the end of a conversation. Even the great goodbye when he left for Seattle led to something... perfect.
I love him. Still feels a little odd.
I remember when it was new, and I got the impression that once you make a promise with him, you keep it. I made a promise... and it was delayed, I didn't get to it until he was already gone, but I did it. And I reminded him. And he admitted that he hadn't expected me to keep that particular one. But I think he remembers it, and knows that if we make a promise, I know to keep it.
We promised last night that in three years, we would drop everything (after sufficient preparation, of course) and spend one year living in the wild, just on survival skills and the like. At first I was a little hesitant. I hate camping with my parents, haha. But then I think of it from a different view, the view that directly or indirectly moves almost every single thing in my life: the view of a writer. It would be such a great thing to experience, just to know what it's like. And I want to learn things like archery and the like -- what better time to learn?
There's this thing about choosing to do something of your own volition. I hate camping with my parents for various reasons, most particularly the lack of showering and sleeping in a tent (I hate the feeling of waking up in a tent), but I don't have much of a choice in the matter. Choosing to do it on my own is something entirely different. Maybe there's a bit of pride in it... most likely, actually.
I suppose I've made this long enough. I make entries far too long sometimes.