karriezai: ([hg] betting on you)
2011-03-10 07:49 pm

life chaotic (+1 respect)

Okay, so, life. I had my meeting with Suzanne... was both worse than and not as bad as I expected. Tracy thinks I'm behind on school work and I've been taking off days/being late to try to play catch up, and not talking to her about it. Which is far from the case. So, not quite what I expected, but at least she doesn't (exactly) think I'm a huge slacker. On the other hand, Suzanne warned me to expect Tracy to look in on me. Didn't happen this week between MSAs and Tracy having jury duty, but apparently I can expect her to pop in and see if I'm doing everything properly. I mean, I don't have the lesson plan book I'm supposed to, but aside from that... I do what I'm supposed to, so it should be okay.

I gained a ton of respect for Tracy at the seminar today. She let the class rant for an hour about how unreasonable and condescending our reading assessment professor is at the university and gave us advice on how to handle it. Very frank, helpful advice. And she demonstrated yet again how knowledgeable she is about classroom management. She has a treasure trove of random examples/experiences I never in a million years would have imagined. I'll be honest; I let my view of her as a supervisor color my view of her as a teacher. She's a fantastic teacher. She's not even a bad supervisor, she just has certain ways about her that don't mesh with my style, for lack of a better description.

Life is hectic. Danny is amazing through all of it, as I was practically bragging to Katie today. He drove to Whetstone during rush hour yesterday to fix my random flat tire, and drove my car for me today to get it fixed while I was at my internship. The thing with Morgan was hard, but I really think it made our relationship even stronger in the end. I think we both appreciate what we have more. I love the hell out of that man, and he's always showing the ways he cares about me.

My classmates are in a panic over our reading assessment class with Brie; I've had her before and she's crazy and condescending, but I'm making a high A in her class (I've only lost half a participation point overall so far, everything else has perfect marks) and although the upcoming workload seems overwhelming, I know I'll get through it like I always do. I did volunteer to speak to her with a couple other students about our concerns though--based on the advice Tracy gave. Some really great ideas. Approach it as the needs we have in order to get out of her course what we know she wants us to get out of it, like better clarification of expectations on assignments, examples of assignments before they're due instead of after people have fucked them up, and less of a workload. I told Lauren, who's ring-leading this confrontation, that I don't want her to feel we're ganging up on her, so I don't have to come, but if they want the support I'm there.

I also told Katie I'd look over her papers before she submits them if she likes. She's not a writer the way I am, which makes it hard for her. Brie, from what we can tell, is super-biased against imperfect grammar and writing mechanics, so I'm thinking if I can fine-tune Katie's papers she can get better marks.

I have some great behavior incentive stuff to try when I get the chance. I'm thinking I'll order the mailbox thing I want for the classroom, too, even though it's really more expensive than I want to pay for right now.

Big plans for SynTru--another example of money I shouldn't spend but really want to. Assirra has offered to add IP.Blog, and I want IP.Content too. Each is $50. I think they could really work wonders on the site... meh. We'll see how that pans out. Right now we're kind of surveying member opinions to see how popular they'd be if added. Assirra and Zap have worked wonders with SynTru since I haven't had time for it anymore. I'm constantly amazed by their dedication.

Speaking of, I have a piece of feedback due today. I think I'll go do that now.
karriezai: ([house] [cuddy] oh crap)
2011-03-02 09:03 pm
Entry tags:

oh crap

Got an email from Suzanne (my supervisor at my internship) saying some things came up at the supervisor's meeting that she needs to touch base with Alice and me on. Seeing as it's just the two of us, I'm thinking it has to do with me being a slacker and Tracy (lead supervisor or whatever) knowing it. I don't think she likes me much because last semester I skipped one of her classes without emailing an excuse, and this semester I skipped the first after school seminar again without an excuse, and Monday she caught me getting to school late. It's the only time I've been late this semester, but of course that's the time she catches me. I have a valid excuse: I was sick all last week (still have the cough) and even had to miss Friday, though I emailed her for that, so I can just blame being sick. I did email Alice to let her know I'd be late, I just didn't email Tracy or Suzanne.

If that's the case, at least we'll be talking to Suzanne and not Tracy. I'm not fond of that woman, and Suzanne is much nicer and more reasonable. Blah.

Other than that, the internship is going well. I've had less trouble with getting up early all the time than I anticipated, though I do always push it until the last possible second before getting out of bed. I've taken over reading, and am in the process of fully taking over science and math. Need to do some planning for that after this, actually. We're starting cells and heredity in science, and math is statistics. I'm going to borrow one of Danny's tape measures and have the kids graph the class heights and find the measures of central tendency for the data.

Have not been writing. Finished a chapter of a Zelda fanfic, but nothing other than that. Rargh. But I mean, I'm busy. A lot. So I guess it's not so bad an idea to not force writing where it doesn't want to come.

I wish my cough would go away...
karriezai: ([hg] betting on you)
2011-02-15 08:18 pm

good (busy) times

Hope everyone had a good Valentine's Day :D Danny and I celebrated Saturday. Just stayed in with alcohol, video games, Magic: the Gathering, and movies.

I've made lame money the last few shifts at work. Here's hoping the weekend will be better, because we'll need the money. Haven't heard back from Baka, our real estate agent, in a few days. Last we heard, the bank's figuring out the amount left due on the loan for the place so they can come back with a counter offer. I hope they get to it very soon. We need to get the heck out of this place.

School is hectic. Well, life in general. Internship 8-4 Monday through Friday, with an hour-long commute--though I do tend to leave around 3 fairly often to get to work/uni class/mandatory seminars. Three days a week at Hard Times--generally Monday and Friday evening, plus either Saturday or Sunday. Tuesday evening class at the university. Tutoring Shane on Wednesday. And a seminar about every other week on Thursday in a random location.

Teaching is good. I vastly prefer math and reading to science or social studies. I look at science and I'm just kind of like... "What am I going to do, exactly?" There's so much to choose from, but so little time to teach it. I'm taking over science now (slowly), so it's... blah. But reading is really good. It's so freeform you can do almost anything. And the kids are really taking to their writing journals. They love getting feedback.

I had to leave early today for my IUD appointment. I am the proud owner of a Mirena IUD that cramped like a bitch for the first couple hours. It wasn't super painful, just like really heavy duty menstrual cramps. But really gross since they had me come in and get it done on my period; apparently it hurts less then. I guess it's nice of them to consider my pain over their probable preference to not have to stick their hands in a bleeding vagina. For the next week I have to use backup protection, but then I'm good for five years. What what.

Also, I'm getting published. Alt Hist picked up Death in Theatre for its second issue. It's a new magazine, but it's been reviewed by Locus, among others, so it's getting good press. So that's looking up. Not that I've been writing. I'm really busy lately and feel pretty drained, and I'd rather not write unless I really feel like it because forcing myself to in the midst of all my other crap would just not be pleasant.

And I thought I did terribly on my Praxis II tests for Middle School Math and English, but I passed with flying colors. So I'll be qualified to teach middle school, either math or English--in theory at least. I'll be applying everywhere in Montgomery County (and possibly Howard too... or maybe Anne Arundel... depends on where we're living and such...) and then weeding through my options to figure out what I want to do. Because I really don't have any desire to teach science or social studies, but I want to teach math AND reading, so... blah. Makes a choice between middle and elementary school complicated.

Guess that's it for now? I mean, I've been reading--the Uglies series by Scott Westerfeld and now I'm working on the Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare--but eh. That's it. Overall life's good, just hectic and somewhat stressful.

Oh wait! Mirage Games accepted my response to the first work order they sent me and sent me confirmation of the credits earned, but I haven't heard about anything else forthcoming. So that's kind of sad.
karriezai: ([asoiaf] the pointy end)
2011-01-11 09:32 pm

snowy snow

So I fail at updating, but meh.

The holidays were fun. I spent them with Danny and his family, as usual. We both got lots of good stuff, but his parents always take way better care of us than we deserve. Danny actually went into a bookstore to get my gifts, which is like a present in itself.

New Years Eve we spent in Virginia with Aaron, Matt, and Claire. It was Aaron's birthday, too, so double the celebration. Morgan was there, but she's completely different... she was dressed very nicely, if maybe a little skankily, and flirting with two guys most of the night, dirty dancing with another, who subsequently took her home. Matt knew the guy apparently; he got a text something like this: "Dude I'm with this chick Morgan, she's so drunk, I'm getting lucky tonight." I didn't see it, but Danny did and told me afterward. I think Danny tried to avoid thinking about it. It's hard for him to see her like that when he wants to take care of her. I asked him, if they were still close friends, what he would say to her. And he said he wouldn't have let her get this far. (How he would stop her is beyond me, but eh.)

New Years Day, Danny and his dad went to a Redskins game (which made everybody else go D: but his dad had been gunning for them to go to a game together all season so I found it hard to be more than disappointed) while I stayed home and had dinner with Sue and her side of the family. Which mostly consisted of old people talk.

Over the holiday season, I went on a lottery playing streak. Very disappointing, haha. I was relieved when the jackpot finally broke (it got pretty high). But Danny and I did have fun imagining what we would do with that much money.

We're looking for condos because the living situation here is just... going downhill. Roy insists on raising the rent for real and says if we don't pay the new amount next month he'll keep us out of the house with a shotgun until we pay. Someone broke my glasses (or at the VERY least found them on the floor broken) and didn't own up to it, so now I have to wear contacts all the time. Everything's a mess basically.

I was looking through Danny's email to find the VA approval letter he got for our home loan once we find a condo we want, and found two emails he sent himself in his notes back in October: Morgan's number in one (around the time he insisted on deleting it from his phone) and a half-drugged/asleep text she sent him around that same time. I can't really be mad because that's all over now, but at the same time, it's another thing he kept from me. Stupid, stupid man. Sometimes I wonder if I ever got the full story out of him. And if he'll ever stop keeping things from me "to protect me" or because I "really don't need to know". What a jerk.
karriezai: ([hg] can't let go)
2010-12-22 03:07 pm
Entry tags:

i miss thoughtful conversation

Finished rereading the Hunger Games series last night. God, but it's epic. For all that I think the author's something of a bitch, she's still a genius. Spent a while looking for good quote icons from the books and found some really cute ones.

But I really miss having friends to talk to who have read and adored the same books I have. I don't think it's really happened since Harry Potter. I mean, Danny read the first two Hunger Games books and I'm trying to pressure him into getting around to the third. But it's not even close to the same. He doesn't like to really, deeply think about stories the way I do, and he gets annoyed when I "overanalyze."

I'll put up a thread at SynTru basically begging for discussion of some of my favorite books, see how that goes.

I need to write. -sigh- I determined that, at the moment, I don't really care about Grey and Kayden the way I do about Peeta and Katniss and some other characters I've truly loved from my favorite stories, which may contribute to why I've been feeling so uninspired about them. I think I need to get to know them better.

And my Secret Santa present is due soon. Blah.
karriezai: ([misc] [scar] omgwtf?)
2010-12-16 02:37 pm

ew.

I learned today at my GYN appointment that a colposcopy involves putting vinegar... up there... and watching how the body reacts. Talk about strangely gross. However, my exam turned up normal, so I just have to come back in a year and get a direct HPV exam instead of a normal PAP. Assuming that comes back negative, I'll be all clear. If not, it'll just mean another colposcopy.

I'm going to smell like vinegar all day D:

I submitted a query for "Unjoined" to Rebel Tales. I'm planning on submitting "Control" to Realms of Fantasy next time I go out. (It's snowing now. Yeah, little early for that. Craziness.) And I found a historical fiction magazine to submit "Death in Theatre" to and did that as well. I wish all submissions could be electronic now.

I need to type up a resume for Tracy and sign up for the middle school Praxis II exams for math and language arts. Deadline for both is today. So... I guess I'll work on that next, and then possibly revise Unjoined. And then... I'm considering revisiting the dead twin realistic story I got two pages into a while back... or maybe working on The Evil Realm... or something.

ETA: Done with the essentials mentioned above. Off to shovel the driveway... assuming I can find a snow shovel... yay exercise?
karriezai: ([lolcat] light reading)
2010-12-14 03:09 pm

semester end, holidays approaching!

I kicked the Praxis II's ass. 198 out of 200 on Content Knowledge (Recognition of Excellence notation on that one) and 172 out of 200 on Content Exercises (only needed 150 to pass). I'm done with all my semester work, except I need to send Tracy a resume, and now that I know for sure that I passed the Praxis I need to sign up for the January Middle School Math and Middle School Language Arts versions of the test so I can be certified there too.

I already know I have an A in Reading Methods. I need one more A (assuming the rest are Bs and there are no Cs to worry about) to maintain my 3.2 for my partial scholarship. Now, I've had no trouble maintaining at least a 3.2 so far; in fact, I've made Dean's List every semester but my first. But I slacked a lot this year, so we'll see.

SynTru is taking off again now that I've put it into the loving, dedicated hands of Assirra and Zap. I'm still nosing around quite a bit, but officially my only duty is running the Ezine, which I'm hoping to get out by the last day of January. I reactivated my portfolio on Red Carpet & Rebellion and entered a challenge. I'm hoping I can attract more people to check out SynTru that way; I have the ad banner for the site in my signature.

Ummers. Christmas is coming up and I haven't bought any presents. Well, except the one Danny and I split for his mom. I'm not sure how I'm doing on money since I haven't paid rent for this month yet. I have the money sitting in my wallet, though.
karriezai: ([asoiaf] dark wings dark words)
2010-11-27 12:32 am

life may be uninterrupted...

...but my updates are.

The aftermath of the me-Danny-Morgan thing. It's really over this time. No. Really. )

Erm, I gave up on NaNo. With the stress of conflict with Danny and school put together, it just wasn't doable this month. Or at least... I didn't have the energy. I have a lot of stuff due this week. In math, the second part of the portfolio. The science lesson apparently got moved back, so maybe not that. In classroom management, I have stuff due and overdue; of the three assignments, I can probably get two done without going back to my internship first. In reading, a book club reflection on a book I haven't read yet and won't get until later this week, so I'll be asking for an extension probably. In language arts, two case reports and my mini lesson report. Which I forgot to have my mentor fill out the rubric for. Damn. Guess that portion will be late.

Blah. Anyway. Life.
karriezai: ([house] excellent disguise)
2010-11-23 08:13 pm
Entry tags:

riddle me this

It's not just me right?

It's weird that my boyfriend is actively looking for a texting phone to buy a female coworker because she complained that it's hard to text on her phone.

Right?

On the one hand I feel like I'm mildly more paranoid than I ought to be after the Morgan thing. On the other hand, I do think I have that right, at least if it's something genuinely... not typical for one guy with a girlfriend to do for another girl (who does happen to have a boyfriend, not that it really matters in this situation).

ETA: He said he was joking. Why are his jokes never funny?
karriezai: ([asoiaf] fear cuts)
2010-11-12 07:26 pm
Entry tags:

meh.

I don't really want to talk about it just yet.

But suffice to say, I'm feeling more normal, and even though our last conversation didn't go super well on a technical level, it still left me feeling almost inexplicably better about him really wanting me as opposed to logicking himself into it. Which was really the hardest part.

I'm not so scared anymore. This seems much more manageable now.

ETA )
karriezai: ([kh] [akuroku] sticks totally gay for)
2010-11-12 02:21 am
Entry tags:

the dust settles

Had another talk with Danny. Well another breakdown. I told him I didn't feel loved, like he was telling me and telling himself but I couldn't feel it. He said he was sorry for the distance but it's hard...

Basically this is where it stands. In a way, he was dating another girl for the last two years and he just broke up with her, so he's mourning. And having me here makes it better but harder at the same time. He really isn't sure about us because he's in so much pain it's hard for him to tell whether we can be happy again.

All of this kills me, of course. The person I most want comfort from is him but he can't really give it. But I'm willing to wait it out, at least a while. The truth is that I want to be with him and that while this hurts like crazy it doesn't change that basic fact. I'm going to have a lot of trust issues to work out with him, but I can wait on that until he makes up his mind. I do think we'll be together in the end. He just needs time to heal.

In the meantime I have to balance my need for comfort with his need for space. He wants things to be normal because if we don't try to return to our normal lives this will never heal. I understand that.

In a way this explains a whole hell of a lot. He told me he's not a lovey person and I'll have to learn to deal with it, but I pointed out that we had no problem with physical intimacy in the beginning, and my needs there haven't changed. It's gotten worse and worse over the last few months, and now that I see the whole picture I think his conflict over Morgan has been a huge part of that. I'm hoping that now that that door is closed, he can heal properly and we can be closer without him pushing me away.

We'll figure it out in time I think. I hope.

karriezai: ([hp] avada kedavra)
2010-11-10 04:56 pm
Entry tags:

void

My life right now is a black hole.
karriezai: ([asoiaf] rainbow guard)
2010-11-08 11:39 pm

stolen meme of doom

CINDERELLA
One of your parents is dead.
You are expected to do a lot of chores.
You love to dress up.
You love animals
You are waiting patiently for your Prince/ss Charming.
Your mom is really strict.
You have sisters who seem kind of jealous of you.
You’re afraid to speak your mind sometimes.
You have left your shoes at a friend’s house before.
You have blonde hair.

Total: 0

BELLE
You’ve kissed someone your friends didn’t like.
You’ve been lost in the forest.
You love to read.
You are not shy at all, and not afraid to speak your mind.
One of your family members is a bit weird
You have done volunteer work.
You have a wild imagination.
You love to take care of people in need.
You have had guys like you just because they think you’re pretty.
You’ve rejected at least one person when they’ve asked you out.

Total: 5

JASMINE
Your dad is very rich/important.
You are very clever.
You’ve been with someone way different from you.
You’re unique and different from everyone else.
You’d never marry someone just because they were rich.
You have set a lot of goals for yourself.
You don’t have a lot of friends.
You’re independent.
You are wealthy.
Your parents try to control your life.

Total: 6

ARIEL
Your parents expect a lot from you.
You really try to follow the rules, but it’s hard for you.
You’re a bit of a trouble maker.
You’re the youngest in your family or in the last two.
You have a lot of sisters (three or more).
You collect something.
You have/had long hair.
You have/had a pet fish.
You’re extremely curious.
You believe everything people tell you.

Total: 2

SNOW WHITE
You know that you’re beautiful.
Sometimes it seems like your mom is jealous of you.
You’ve almost been killed.
You have at least seven good friends.
You’ve had food poisoning.
You’ve had/have short hair.
You get along with almost everyone.
All of your friends are different.
You love to have a good time.
You’re happier when you’re out of the house than in.

Total: 2

MULAN
You can be a tomboy sometimes.
People wish you could be a bit more girly.
You’ve pretended to be someone you’re not.
You’ve had a physical fight with someone.
You have/had considered running away from home.
Your parents try to plan your life out.
A lot of your friends are boys.
You sometimes find yourself in bad situations.
You love your family so much that you’d do anything to protect them.

Total: 2

AURORA
You live/have lived with someone other than your parents.
You almost died at a very young age.
You are gentle, loving and/or thoughtful.
You have a decent singing voice.
You like to sleep in late on the weekends.
You spend most of your time outside, or try to do so.
You’re adopted.
You’re very romantic.
Pink is one of your favorite colors.

Total: 3

POCAHONTAS
You love to walk around and explore big cities.
You are more spiritual than religious.
You’ve been in an interracial relationship.
One of your family members is dead
Your parents are very protective of you.
Someone you know has been in war.
You love nature
You have/had black hair.
You would love to move somewhere exotic and beautiful.
You’re very adventurous.

Total: 5

Jasmine. I was just talking to Danny about this. He thinks I'm Belle. I'd love to be Mulan, but don't think I actually am, necessarily. I can kinda see Jasmine though... but to be honest, yeah, Belle is probably the best fit.
karriezai: ([asoiaf] wolfgirl)
2010-11-06 01:37 pm

braaaaiiiinnsss...

OKAY.

I realized yesterday that Danny and my four-year anniversary is in less than two weeks. So we talked about what we wanted to do. It's too cold for anything major like sky diving, which we've mentioned wanting to do for a long time. And hot air ballooning is, um, stupid expensive. Of course I try to go overboard :)

So Danny suggested that we just have a nice night out and stay in a hotel. And we decided to stay at the hotel closest to Fur nightclub in DC. I booked the night already last night on Expedia. Wasn't even that expensive! $99 at the Courtyard Marriot. If we want to park there it'll be $30, but it's also close to Metro--that'll be a game day decision.

I'm super behind on NaNo. I don't want to give up, but being this behind with my crazy schedule doesn't look good. Especially with all the homework I have to do. I'm not even sure what's due this week. I haven't looked, which is bad considering my internship days are already through so if I had to do anything there, that ship has sailed. OH, plus, my story idea for Mirage Games is due... I think next Friday, and that's 5,000 words minimum by itself. Need to start on that one soon.

Went to the zoo yesterday morning for math methods. It was kind of lame. I thought we'd be basically imitating some sort of math project you can get kids to do as they explore the zoo, but we spent the whole time pent up in a classroom in the visitor's center getting a presentation on educational aids the zoo has to offer teachers and schools. A woman from Bridging the Americas showed us a bunch of dead stuffed birds. Blah.

So I have this idea... )
karriezai: ([hp] [puff] not a powerpuff)
2010-11-03 06:30 pm
Entry tags:

take clear plastic bag. tape around head.

Oh my god I'm going to kill this man.

So of course he's not going to stop posting on Morgan's Facebook completely; this is understandable. Balance would be nice is all, not posting on hers more than anyone else's, you know. (Though he stopped posting entirely after our conversation, hasn't posted on anyone's up until today, and it's Morgan's again, so maybe it's NOT okay. I don't know.)

But what does he comment on? The poem she wrote. "Best poem ever." Fuck him.

I posted on his wall: "Jerk. Way to go reading some other girl's writing."

To be honest, I'm not overly mad. I'm just... I dunno, I can't believe he'd be that retarded. He KNOWS how much it bothers me that he doesn't give a crap about my writing. I could kick him IN THE BALLS. I don't even understand how he can be so insensitive and stupid. Is he trying to upset me?

When will this be over?

It's something new every other fricken day.

I want to go beat the crap out of something.

ETA: Talked to him. Made me madder how much it took to get him to understand why it was an insensitive thing to do. The difference between a short Facebook poem that he reads voluntarily and me trying to get him to read or listen to me talk about my writing without being totally begrudging... blah. It was a Michael Jackson poem, and I understand that that's why he read and liked it, and I understand that if it had been someone else who posted it then it wouldn't have been a big deal, so maybe it's not exactly fair. But under the circumstances, yes, it upset me. And I just wish he could understand that without me having to spell it out.

I also started to express to him that I wish that I could just randomly do something like that that he would appreciate. I meant it as... it bothers me that Morgan just wrote this Michael Jackson poem (composed of an amalgam of his lyrics) for the hell of it and he loved it, but I've never done anything spontaneous like that that he's loved. But he just took the beginning of my sentiment and interjected with, "But you don't! Your statuses aren't anything that makes me want to comment on them!" or something along those lines. Which, of course, doesn't help. I didn't realize my life was so boring to him. He accused me of making all of my status updates complaints about him, which isn't true at all. There have been some, certainly, but also lots of oddball ones and lots of stress venting about school. He didn't even comment on the one about me wearing my Hooters outfit to work for Halloween. I understand that he's so close to me he knows what's going on in my life. Maybe it's not worth commenting on. But whatever. Just... going back over everything--the statuses of hers he has commented on, the ones of mine he hasn't--I can't help but be bothered. Like this is worth commenting on more than anything I've said in the last two weeks?: "Yay for morning rushes. All I want is a sweatshirt and venti latte."

This is going to drive me nuts. I know at this point that I'm overreacting. But it just keeps building. With him saying he's sorry and then going on to do something even more insensitive. FUCK.
karriezai: ([asoiaf] bugger everything)
2010-11-02 08:35 pm
Entry tags:

suck.

Have not written yet for NaNo. Don't really have the energy. Kinda depressed, even. Had another talk with Danny last night, this time about his lack of physical affection. He made it sound like I'm asking for too much. I don't think I am, but whatever; I decided to back off and let him come to me when he wants to for a while, and then decide if that's often enough for me. If I can give it a good, honest week of me not touching him unless clearly invited, it should give me a good idea of whether I can tolerate this business.

Looked up more houses. Feels kind of silly at this point but I have to look forward, and we can't live here much longer one way or another.

I'm pretty scared of all the serious talks we've been having lately. Danny told me last night... what did he say? Something like he loves me but he can't be physically affectionate the way I want him to be, and if that's a problem then he doesn't know what will happen... or something. I don't know. I'm afraid of where this is leading. It just seems very one-sided. He says he loves me and I'm the most important person to him but I'm the one who's always done all the changing and trying. Maybe that's not fair--I mean, before me he was out at the bars with his friends all the time, but I'm not sure if that was a change just because of me. He might not go back to that now regardless.

I told him I want to take him out to eat tonight and he said sorry, he just ate Chipotle. And he just called to ask if it's okay if Carol and Lena come over to try out the Kinect. I mean... I like them, they're nice girls, and if I wasn't feeling low I'd think it was a great idea. But I'm not going to say no. There's no point in me turning them away to mope, after all. I told him I don't care either way.

School is a tangled mess too. Our science methods professor just told us that anyone who missed class has to write a six-page paper relating this article he gave us to what we've seen in class. And a classmate just told me there's an additional assignment if you've missed more than one day, which I have. We don't have time for that sort of crap. I looked up the university attendance policy and it said the professor needs to put their own participation/how attendance affects grades policy in the syllabus and/or let us know at the beginning of the year, which he didn't. The syllabus just says attendance is important, let him know ahead of time if there's a conflict with getting to class so arrangements can be made... you know, the basic if you miss a due date or assignment because of an unexcused absence, you don't get credit sort of deal. And I haven't missed anything like that. So it shouldn't be allowable, and if it comes to it I'll address it with the university. Preferably if other students will back me up.

And I just haven't felt like doing anything. I let my assignments slide until the last second. Today I was running late to class because I stayed at home an extra fifteen minutes to finish an assignment, and on the way to school I rear-ended another car. The light turned green and the two cars in front of me started to go, but then all of a sudden decided to stop. Well, my brakes aren't so great. I didn't stop fast enough. The driver in front of me was a Hispanic guy, probably no insurance, since he just told me it was fine and didn't take my insurance info. Seeing as my car's already a bit of a mess, there was nothing but a bit of paint damage, and I don't want my insurance record marked up again, I was fine with this. And it was almost lucky since it was a reason to be late to class.

Blah. Life. Hate it.
karriezai: ([avatar] katara icicle up the ass)
2010-10-31 10:30 am
Entry tags:

miffed.

So I swear half of all Danny's Facebook comments are on Morgan's statuses. Still. And he refuses to put her number back in his phone but they still text, it just shows the full number. He has no confidence in himself and said the reason he doesn't put her number back in is so he doesn't drunk dial her. He says he wants to distance himself from her and go incommunicado unless she texts him first, but that doesn't apply to Facebook apparently. And he can't be friends with girls (...or else what...?) but it sure seems like he's still trying with her.

This annoys the HELL out of me but I don't want to bother with bringing it up because it causes such a commotion and I always end up feeling bad for feeling bad, and he never wants to tell me what he's feeling anyway.

I wouldn't feel so paranoid if he wasn't so closed off and self-contradictory about it all. Like... if he honestly thought he could be friends with girls, okay. But he doesn't. So what the fuck is he doing?
karriezai: ([asoiaf] westeros wench)
2010-10-30 03:48 pm

nano anti-blues

I just ordered my NaNo shirt for the year and put in my donation. I had a (very brief) moment of "Why would I do this when I secretly suspect I won't make it this year with everything going on?" but I squashed that feeling. This year will be perfect. Reasoning why? If I can do it this year, I can do it any year. And YES, I CAN do it this year.

I'll give myself this one, tiny bit of leeway: since this year is hard, I'll allow myself to write whatever the heck I want. In other words, it doesn't just have to be on one story. If I get stuck but feel the itch to work on my Zelda fanfic, so be it--as long as I get that day's 1,667 words, that's what's important, right? Right. I give myself this leeway because I feel so uncertain about Homesake at the moment. I'm finding it very difficult to settle on a POV. First-present or third-past are my typical fallbacks, but I'm thinking I might try first-past. Usually it feels so artificial to me because who remembers in so much detail that it feels like it's happening now? But I've loved plenty of books in first person past, so I know it's doable. Once I get into it, it might feel easier than first-present, even.

But anyway, that's my main concern: I don't 100% feel Homesake. But I sure as hell will try my best to steam my way through it. I plan to use my fifth graders ruthlessly to do so. I'm going to post daily/weekly updates (varying based on what days I'm actually at the internship, since a full week falls in the middle of November) and tell my kids to harass me if I don't meet my goals, basically. :) It'll work, right? I think having them asking me questions might help motivate me to keep working on Homesake so that I can tell them what has happened since last time I saw them. That's the goal, anyway.

I'm behind at homework. I'm going to have to super BS my next big LA assignment because I forgot to get all the writing samples I need. I'll have to use what I have plus some I filch off the internet. Blah. And this weekend isn't going to help. I did a bit of homework this morning, but I still have Math Module 6 (I started that by posting a question in the YWP teacher's lounge so I can use teacher experiences with math teaching as my research), the drafts of the first three parts of my Social Studies ATA, the actual response to LA Case 7 (though at least I read the case), and the previously mentioned writing instruction assignment for LA. The first two are due Monday. The second two are due Tuesday. Oh, and mustn't forget Classroom Management, which I think we have Tuesday this week--have assignments there too D: Damn.
karriezai: ([avatar] sweetheart/bitterheart)
2010-10-27 07:22 pm

boobley boo

Morgan reactivated her Facebook. Talking to her makes me pretty deeply sad, but I think it'll pass. I suppose if we want to be real friends again we'll have to sit down and talk... but we'll see.

Bit of TMI )

Anyway. Suffice to say. I did not sleep at all last night, and I was run down all day at my internship. My fifth graders were asking me what was wrong with my eyes and I had to explain I didn't get any sleep and my eyes were protesting, but a couple of the intuitive ones did not miss the fact that puffy eyes come from crying.

Fuck my life right now.

It'll get better. But I think... this might be the lowest I've been... maybe ever, and if not, certainly in a long while.
karriezai: ([misc] [scar] omgwtf?)
2010-10-25 11:18 pm

blargh.

Learned today that Morgan asked Danny if he would consider leaving me. Me being the person I am, what disturbed me most about this was the simple fact that Danny's just now telling me even though I asked him last week if he'd told me everything since I know his tendency for leaving things out. I'm a little weirded out that Morgan would ask it, but not angry. I guess I kind of get it. I wouldn't do it personally, mainly because my thought process would go something like this: It would hurt her so much... but I want to know... but do I really want to be with a guy who'd leave his girlfriend of four years like that...? Best not to ask. Roughly.

If I'm mad at her for anything, it's for blaming her ruptured ovarian cyst (that the doctors said is stress-induced) on Danny. What an evil thing to do. I felt and feel horrible for her being in pain and having to go to the hospital, but you don't blame that sort of thing on someone else. It wasn't Danny's fault. And who could have known she would react so strongly to the whole thing?

Anyway, it's fine. I told Danny I need to be able to trust he's being honest with me, especially when I ask him if he's left anything out. He said there were more feelings than his involved and he didn't think it was okay to tell me that and betray Morgan's trust, but I told him, "That's something I deserve to know." And it's true. Even though I'm not mad at her over it--even if I had been mad--it's something he should have told me. She's my friend too, and I have the right to evaluate our friendship based on her willingness to take my boyfriend. -sigh-

He also said I would have been angry and blamed him despite the fact that he told her no. In response I laughed. "Let me ask you something. Have I, during this whole thing, gotten angry?" "No." "I'm not angry now, I wouldn't have been then. You should have told me." I basically made it clear that in the future I want him to tell me everything.

Note to self: need to find gelatin-free Jello to make Jello shots for Koontz's party on Saturday.