karriezai: ([avatar] halp!)
I am in such a slump. I just have no desire to write. Or at least zero motivation. Or, well, I'm not sure how you describe it--all I mean is that no writing is getting done, and I'm super stuck.

I took my final yesterday in MATH111. I skipped SO MUCH class--honestly, out of 28 days I only went for around seven or eight, including exam days. I took two quizzes (got a 10/10 on each) and got some form of participation points for one day, so I'm optimistically hoping that I have 25 quiz/participation points. I got a 95 on the first exam, and I'm not sure about the second exam but I know I got one question set wrong so I'm estimating an 85. IF that is correct, given that I need 360 points to get a B in the class and the final is worth 150... oh crap. Okay, so I'm pretty much guaranteed a C. Bah. That'll be my first C... ever. D: I mean, it's possible I got higher on the second exam, but even still I'd have to ace the final and I know for a fact that I made a silly little rounding mistake that will probably lose me at least some credit on a couple questions.

Blah. Oh well, I guess.

Back to writing... I'm changing Blood and Heat around, putting more focus on Grey and changing the locale to Duos instead of the west. But that involves, well, a lot of change. And development of Duos that I hadn't gotten around to yet. And my phobia: making a realistic kingdom. It's hard for me to figure out how to make a king evil when he still has enough respect to BE king. -headdesk- Plus, I'm thinking about starting earlier, maybe even back when Grey was accepted into the king's guard, but I'm afraid of putting that much of a gap between the beginning of the book and introducing Kayden. Grey's becoming more of the main character, which is cool, but Kayden is still supposed to share the spotlight.

And then there's how in the hell to introduce Kella. I want Grey to meet Kayden first, and Kella could complicate things. Unless I did something really out there, like making Kella a friend of Grey's to start with--which would introduce its own problems but could be a lot of fun if I worked it out right... It would make Kella even less trustworthy. It would be very difficult to do well though. -headdeskheaddesk-

Danny and I are going to Ocean City tonight. It keeps getting shorter; bad timing all around, and as mad as I am at his work, it would have been easier to work out if I didn't have summer classes to limit my own time. But at least my limitations were solid, they didn't move around or appear out of nowhere. We originally scheduled a vacation for this Tuesday-Thursday and paid for a hotel by the beach, which would have been amazing, until his work decided to announce that his inventory would be on Thursday. So we moved it to this weekend, but then his FIFA tournament was moved to this weekend. It was supposed to be Sunday, so we were going to leave yesterday after my final. Leaving around noon, we would have gotten there with PLENTY of time yesterday and then all day today. But then he realized, no, his FIFA thing was today, so we have to wait for him to get home so we can go to Ocean City, so we'll be lucky if we get there while it's still light out... We can stay tomorrow, but it's still less time, and it pisses me off. D:

Eh. We're watching True Blood, and I'm really enjoying it. I really like Eric now and I'm basically rooting for Bill to disappear or die and for Sookie and Eric to end up together... lol.


23/7/10 03:16
karriezai: ([kh] [akuroku] sticks totally gay for)

This is long. I'll edit some lj-cuts in tomorrow but for now...

Today was hard. They put Hobbes down today. Everyone took it hard. I even cried for her a little -- I knew I would cry with so many heartbroken people around me, but I didn't expect to cry for her when I never really liked her much. She just seemed a little snobby or high-strung. I don't tell Danny this of course. But it's true. I've found that I like dogs. I even played with Sean today and it was terrific. But Hobbes' personality just never suited me. In fact it turned me away. (I really hope and believe that it wasn't jealousy, though I felt that occasionally too since I know how much Danny loved her.)

Anyway, it was so hard to see it happen and think about them having to make that decision to let her go when she was still lucid. She wasn't eating or drinking and she often fell and couldn't get up, but she still walked around and was interested in people and went outside to use the bathroom. They wanted her to suffer as little as possible but it's still so hard to think that they have to make the decision to put her down when there's no real way of knowing her feelings on the subject.

And it was surprisingly painful to see her limp in Sue's arms. Harder to see Sue sobbing over her, but hard to see her gone as well.

I love this family though. There is so much love. So many people came to comfort us. Neighbors and relatives alike.

Sue has taken it so hard. It's hard to see her sobbing in moments without distraction. She drank a lot, tripped and fell, and I just felt terrible because there's nothing I can do. And she probably needs some alone time to cry herself out but it seems wrong to leave her alone.

It was so peaceful though. They couldn't have done it better. The vet came out here, sedated her, then did the tourniquet and shaving and injection. There was no pain for Hobbes and no fear like at the vet. Just confusion and worry for her sad family, which is understandable.

Danny and I drank and played Magic and tried a little generic vicodin at the end of the night tonight, and then I talked to him about our different styles of expressing our love... I'm chatty on vicodin apparently, but I meant what I said and I hope to continue the conversation tomorrow. I think it will help clear some things up. Unfortunately, it can't do everything. I can't expect him to suddenly develop more sensitivity to the little things I want from him. But I'm sure he feels the same way about me when it comes to certain expressions of intimacy, so it's something we'll have to communicate and work through with time.


8/7/10 20:10
karriezai: ([avatar] sweetheart/bitterheart)
Still not writing.

I reread Graceling and it was perhaps even more wonderful the second time through, but the amazing characterization gave me a huge inferiority complex.

I tried to express to Danny how much it sucks that writing is such a big part of me but it's only a frustration to him. He didn't respond. He did tell me, when I tried to express the fact that I wrote way more stories to completion when I had real life friends reading them consistently and caring about my writing, that if I blame him for me not writing a book then we will end up breaking up. Nice stretch there.

I've been thinking about the fact that he doesn't care about my writing though, and how hard that is, and wondering... if I met someone who really did care... what would happen?

karriezai: ([avatar] sokkatara omg)
I went with Danny and Sue to take Hobbes to the vet yesterday and it was just about the saddest thing I've ever seen. She doesn't bark when she's scared but her mouth was shivering and she looked completely terrified. Once they drew blood she started whimpering, and then Sue asked the vet to trim her nails because she hates doing it herself, and he cut too far on both back paws and drew blood and then Hobbes started just crying and struggling trying to get the hell out of there. I'd never been to a vet before and I never realized how horrible it is.

Then today they got the blood work back and found out that Hobbes' kidneys are failing, and she only has weeks left before she stops eating entirely or slips into a coma, and that's it. She's 15 so it's not a huge surprise, but Sue and Jon were heartbroken. I went by to see them. And I ate dinner with Danny before that and told him (he didn't want to wait to hear it from his mom) and he wasn't as sad--he was kind of expecting it--but he did reminisce about growing up with Hobbes.

It's weird because I don't even really like Hobbes that much. I mean, she's a spoiled brat. I like dogs well enough (not as much as cats, but I do), but it's her personality--they spoiled her to death and she thinks she has a right to your food... I mean, I don't have anything against her of course, and I would never ever wish her harm. Seeing her scared like that at the vet almost made me cry it was so terrible. But among dogs, she's not my favorite. I feel bad saying it, but it's true.

I'm behind on a lot of stuff. SynTru stuff for starters. I'm gonna go work on that. And then writing... aghh.
karriezai: ([hp] [puff] equality except for idiots)
Posted at SynTru:

OKAYSO. Two major events on Kher's writing front today.

The YAY, as several of you already heard me gush about in the chatbox, is that I met Brandon Sanderson today. He signed my hardcovers of his Mistborn trilogy and also my Writers of the Future certificate. It's the same exact award he won the year immediately before his first novel was published.

I've developed a new goal to publish my own novel within a year and send him a copy with a huge THANK YOU.

On that note, in my rush to get to my appointment to have my computer looked at this morning, I was an idiot and accidentally erased 2,000 words of my book instead of backing it up D: I'm just that much of a moron. Fortunately, that's not a huge deal. I'm hoping to rewrite it and use it as a slingshot to get me through the slow part I was struggling with anyway.

Yes. Brandon Sanderson is basically amazing.

Danny is away for the weekend on a motorcycle trip with his dad. I kinda miss him but I could really use this time for writing. (I should do that now.)

Also, went to see Sex and the City 2 with Sue and Peggy. We had drinks beforehand, it was a fun outing. But there was one point in the movie when the audience reaction made me despair for the state of the modern relationship D: I won't say what in case anyone cares about spoilers, but yes.
karriezai: ([asoiaf] armored courtesy)
Skipped class today to pick up the new iPhones in Virginia. Got there not long after 9. We talked to them and they said iPhones on each shipment are specific to a particular customer and ours hadn't arrived yet. Which sounded stupid since they had some in the back, just not ours. Why be so damn particular? We preordered, so we should be able to show up and take iPhones home if they're there. But we went to Tysons, ate, watched Knight and Day (which I really enjoyed), and went back around 1. Still no iPhones.

Danny was an asshole to the employees. As annoyed as I was, I knew it wasn't their fault. They were just following company policy, and if you want to yell at someone, it should be the company. Can't blame the employees for not wanting to break policy and risk losing their jobs. But Danny kept harassing them. He claimed that if they really wanted a satisfied customer then they would just give us a pair of the iPhones in the back since obviously the customers they were assigned to didn't care enough to come pick them up.

I get why he's annoyed. He went out there last Tuesday morning for preorders. Got there before they opened to make sure he'd be first so he could get his iPhone right away on the day they came out. But it doesn't matter, because they shipped in some random ass order, so ours didn't get there right away. Yes, it's frustrating, but don't freaking take it out on the employees. I don't get it. Danny's in retail too. He knows that there are policies at Gamestop that he can't break without risking his job. And he's a manager, not just an employee.

So we left just before 2 because I have to work tonight and I didn't want to get stuck in traffic and then barely have time to get dressed and go to work. Got home at 2:30, started watching a Smallville episode, and then they called. Our iPhones came in. So Danny turned around and went back. Lucky him, he gets to sit through traffic. He took my phone, and I'm just realizing how much I use it. It's my napping alarm. Now if I want to nap I actually have to do it in the bedroom. Not that I really have time. I have to leave in just over half an hour. And I'm doing this. Lovely.


5/6/10 14:49
karriezai: ([hp] avada kedavra)
I had the most vivid dream last night. [I also slept until almost two. Think the dream makes up for it?]

Crazy dream )

Unfortunately, I haven't been writing like I should for my Completion Challenge. I keep feeling like I want to make myself a webpage for my portfolio and make these detailed world and character scraps for the elements of Blood and Heat before I actually continue. But I don't need to. I should just write. -pokes self- Fortunately since I dropped my goal to 80,000 in three months because of the change to a trilogy, it won't be TOO difficult to make up.

Also I have the worst luck on RPG-D. I swear there will be days when no one posts anything new in the Non-RPG ad directory, but the moment I post my monthly update, someone ALWAYS posts something new which removes my post as the Latest Post link. I swear, I bet a week spent as the Latest Post link really helps attract members...
karriezai: ([hp] [remusxsirius] moony padfoot)
So I begged Danny to help me figure out my Blood and Heat plot, and he actually gave me some really amazing ideas. It resulted in having to turn what was a duet into a trilogy, and I mean that may be a little cliche, but I think it'll be worth it because the overall plot makes more sense now, is more moving, and actually has a natural conclusion that isn't just "Let's get the hell out of this place so we can't be used anymore."

Unfortunately, it probably means I'll be changing the title. For now I'll leave it, but later on... not so sure. Blood and Heat as a whole with the two parts or books (Dragonsbane and Dragonsblood) was great symmetry, but I don't know what to call the third one if I stick to this pattern. I'm thinking about maybe naming them after the swords in Grey's life, though, because there are three... I actually just named the second of them (technically third in his life) accidentally when writing the opening scene again. I realized that he's not the sort to have "my sword." It would have a name. So I named it, and the name came to me immediately and felt perfect, so I went with it. Backstory and everything, though for that I had a bit of help from Danny again.

So. Three books. I have the opening and climax for each, plus 8 other major plot events for book one (going off the ten-event plot outline).

I'm waiting on a validation email from Ally's Creative Muse Society. I totally joined just to respond to a single conversation about protagonist gender. Haha. -headdesk- Still need to email her about the random Chatango email I got from her site.... gah.


6/3/10 15:45
karriezai: ([avatar] azula people person)
Day 5. By age, who is your youngest character? Oldest? How about “youngest” and “oldest” in terms of when you created them?

By age, this is a tricky question to answer. Aerlun and Daemien are both young at the beginning of their stories. But by the end, they're the oldest in a way; they live three lifetimes, hundreds of years apart. Aerlun is ten at the beginning of his story, and Daemien is around fourteen. Kayden is the youngest at the end of his story; he'll be about twenty after the events of Blood and Heat. And once I finish the current short story I'm trying to work on, I'll start a book centering around the main character Roren's kids, but I haven't developed them yet; I just know they'll be in their early teens, they'll be named Rory and Darian, they'll be male and female twins, and Rory (the girl) will be the source and Darian will be the channeler. As for the oldest by age, that could be Aerlun and Daemien or it could be Grey, who is 26. And that's not including fandom characters. In Elemental Force, Naizhen is 16, so she could also count as youngest.

Youngest and oldest in terms of creation are much easier. Aerlun is easily the oldest still in use. Roren is the youngest who has been actually developed, though his kids are sort of twinklings in my eye, lol -- I guess you could say they're still in the womb, so to speak.

Yeah I'm weird.

So last night... )
karriezai: ([asoiaf] whores)
So I've been having a horrible first week of school, but today it balanced out.

Monday I woke up to my alarm at 7:30 knowing I should go to my first class (MATH214 at 9am), but dead tired. I decided that it wouldn't hurt to miss the explanation of the syllabus, and I needed the sleep, so I went back to bed for a while and then got up to go to my 11:15 class (which is at a weird time, huh?). That went fine --

But I had to take my boyfriend to work between that class and my two o' clock because his car was still in the shop (making a round week it had been there so far), and then I was late to PSYC221. Fortunately it's a lecture, so not a terribly huge deal. After that, MATH315, which McLaren is teaching--awesome. She's the coordinator for the teachers' math courses, and definitely the best professor for it, but during the semester it's actually pretty rare to end up in her class.

Yesterday I took Danny to pick up his car, only it wasn't done yet when they said it should be, so I had to drop him off at work. This made me ten minutes late for my three hour class at 1, and if that's not bad enough, I was exhausted and fell asleep for a good half hour during class. I didn't miss anything, but that doesn't stop it from being incredibly rude.

Today I woke up at 8 to actually go to my math class, left in time to get there, only to find that New Hampshire was crazy backed up. I never would have made it there on time, so I made a u-turn after sitting in traffic for ten minutes and barely moving a mile, went home, picked Danny up to go get his car for real this time. Okay cool. Car was ready. But they did a crappy job fixing the dent and he had to have them buff it out some more, which made the whole thing take 30 minutes longer and I had to wait to make sure he had a ride in case anything else went wrong. This made me nearly 15 minutes late for my 11:15 class despite the fact that we left to pick up his car at 9am.

HOWEVER: the bright side )


4/1/10 15:34
karriezai: ([misc] [scar] omgwtf?)
Danny made me mad last night. I slept in the other room. He didn't comment on it this morning. I don't have time to go into it further.

Made Honorable Mention again in Writers of the Future, this time for Unjoined. Which is great of course; the email said I made top 5% of entries. But not what I was hoping for. Now to think of a new idea. I'm not sure I can get more creative than Unjoined, lol.

Work is screwed all to hell. I'm going in early today. Whoever's making the schedule must be a moron because there's all these gaps in coverage or one person comes in as the last person leaves so we can't stock because there's no overlap. I'm trying to apply at Hard Times Cafe in College Park; I ate there for the first time the other day and it looks pretty awesome, plus it's close to school. The owner isn't there today or I would have gone to poke around. Maybe tomorrow.

Made a doctor's appointment to have this rash I've had for months (I think from the Starbucks water) looked at. I don't see what they're going to say. There's a zillion things that can start a rash and I can't imagine how they'd figure out what's the right cause. But Danny insisted that I go to the hospital for it so I'm going on Friday.

Got to go to work.
karriezai: ([nano] novelist in the making)
48018 / 50000

I'm soo close. I could probably win tonight if I wanted but I'd rather try to have a good time with Danny. He really upset me not long ago and I'm hoping he'll make me feel better. He can be such an asshole, and he's so caught up on appearances, where I'm not in the least. Sometimes we clash because of it.

But with less than 2,000 left, I'm sure I can win tomorrow if I put my mind to it. If not, I don't work Monday, so I'll have plenty of time that evening. I'm scared that the validator will give me a smaller word count than Word so I plan to pad my word count out a little anyway. Nearly there!
karriezai: ([lolcat] light reading)
31539 / 50000

Got a little ahead again. Not as much as I'd like, but it's Danny and my anniversary, so some concessions must be made ;D Three years! We had dinner tonight, and tomorrow night we're going to the midnight premiere of New Moon.

But I left off in the middle of a fight scene and someone's about to die, so it should be easy as hell to pick back up tomorrow and write!
karriezai: ([witticisms] world ending today)
Bad day for writing. I won't post my word count, it only went up about 700. The test I took this morning that was supposed to take 4 hours took 6, and then work wanted me to come in early because someone didn't show up, so yeah. And now I'm really tired and Danny's already irritated with me so I'm not going to write any tonight, I think.

There's always tomorrow.
karriezai: ([twilight] punched werewolf)
12664 / 50000

I'm so tired. Danny's at an inventory, boo. He won't be home forever. I'm gonna go to sleep now I think, 2-thousand-some-odd words is good for the night. And I have to wake up for my first class in the morning, there will be a quiz.

I worked nearly 8 and a half hours today, and the last 6 almost were by myself. So yeah, lame. But woot for daily overtime?
karriezai: ([hp] [puff] loyal badger)
I've been neglecting this, eh?

Mm so. Stories is still going very well, better than I would have hoped. I have about 15 active members (active enough to have posted a portfolio, at least), and there are tons of stories posted already. One completed challenge, one soon to be complete. I've just finished renovating the site to expand on certain areas and better organize everything, as well.

I'm very excited about it. I'm seriously considering the vague floating idea I've had in the past since it actually seems like a possibility now: once the site gets big and popular, expanding it onto a paid website. There would be a lot of things to look into first, but I would totally go for it if it looked plausible. I would add a Paypal button for (completely optional) donations, and/or perhaps have certain extra features on accounts that you can pay for if you want to, but normal accounts would be free. Maybe even a store with logo'ed out stuff! Any donations/money received would go toward maintaining/expanding the site and, if possible, providing paid prizes for certain contests.

I think it would be awesome. If I could manage it. Try not to hope so much right now! -headdesk- But ah, the ideas. Maybe I'll compile them at some point. Mm.

Anyhoo. Working, schooling, Danny got a new TV. He's been very irate with me for how much time I spend on Stories. I understand it, but that doesn't make it easier to stop in the middle of something I'm really excited about. There's just always something going on there. But meh.
karriezai: ([iron man] crashed love)
Work was kind of crazy today. Not bad--I mean, it's hard to have a really horrible day when you're just standing behind a register ringing people up. But Mike texted Pat last night to say he wasn't coming to work (supposedly he had a funeral to go to, but we all know he thought he just wasn't needed because there were supposed to be two other checkers), and then when Janet showed up she was really sick and they ended up sending her home. Jimmy got back from vacation today, so he stayed until about 4:45, but then it was just Pat and me... with Tony outside loading mulch and such. Pat has apparently been awake over two days straight... his dad is in the hospital for something pretty serious and he's been trying to take care of that when he's not at work. So his temper was pretty frayed. I felt bad for him, but he didn't say anything mean to me--he was just glad I was there.

Will be glad when summer session 1 is over though, because then my work schedule will change and maybe not be quite so nonstop. I get up early all week now unless I oversleep, which happened Wednesday. Tomorrow and Sunday I have to be to work at 7, and damn but I'm tired. At least tomorrow afternoon I'll have plenty of time for an extended nap.

Need the money though. Danny and I are both feeling stretched thin. When I get paid Monday, all but $35 of my money will go straight to bills, and that's including the leftover money from this week's paycheck. Although the Monday after that my paycheck will be pretty much mine. But I need to save, build up funds again, if possible.

Transformers, and writing. )
karriezai: (Default)
Work is going well. I'm supposed to get paid tomorrow for my first three days of work, so I'll find out then what my pay is I guess. I have this worried feeling that I might grow weary of work pretty quickly working six days a week and going to school five mornings a week, and never getting up later than 8:30. But summer session one will be done in three weeks, so I guess it won't be that long really before my schedule changes up some.

So Danny just attacked me trying to press random keys on the computer, and when I pushed him away with my feet an he kept coming until my computer was open face down on my chest between me and him I was worried he might break it. And then he got mad at me for hurting him when all he wanted to do was "press a few random keys". Jeesh. Annoying man.

But anyway. Writing goes well. Of course I wrote Scheherezade (the entry before this) instead of the story I was supposed to for John and my challenge, but it's still writing, and now I have an even better idea. But I'll update with that later since I need to shower and sleep and apparently make up with Danny. Blah.
karriezai: ([house] cameron's hitting that)
So Dennis, Heather, Danny and I went to Ocean City this weekend. Danny and I drove separate; we left Friday night at 7 or so, and followed Dennis and Heather. We all made it there around 11 and had time to go down to the Boardwalk before everything closed down at midnight. Heather and I rode the Zipper, but Danny refused. He might not have fit anyway. When we got back to the beach house we drank some, played Sorry, hung out on the beach, and Heather and I saved a horseshoe crab from a pool he'd gotten stuck in (much to the boys' annoyance).

Just in fairly brief summary... )

So that was the weekend. Today I had my first day at my new job, little mom&pop-type grocery store called Country Boy. I'm just ringing... it's pretty simple, although it's an old timey machine where you enter each price rather than scanning items, and you have to memorize what a lot of the produce is and how much it costs. It'll be boring but easy, and everyone's nice. The boss is willing to work with my school hours. We haven't talked pay yet, but the woman who trained me today said she started three months ago at $9.50/hr, which would be perfectly fine with me.

Uh yeah. I guess that's mostly it for now. I want to write some today. There are some new challenges at RCR, so I think I'll enter. Still not much in the way of response to my stuff, but my entries to two of the challenges have gotten a vote or two since they were posted, so that's something.
karriezai: ([zelda] navi repeating self)
I finally gave up on Stories. I found a website with a decently active, well-organized writing section, so I set up shop there. Unfortunately, I haven't been getting any feedback on my stuff so far, but I'm still very new. I figure as I participate in challenges and discussion and such more people might take interest in my crap. I also have to review other people's stuff, of course! Oh right, that website is here. It's mostly a graphics site, so it's actually surprising that it has the best writing section I've seen so far. I've already participated in one challenge, though it's not over yet so I don't know how I did. I imagine the deadline will end up extended since it's over in two days and only two people have entered. There's also a new challenge up that I plan to try writing something Eysuria-based for. I figure if I can, I should always make my challenge entries from Eysuria.

Um right so. I got wasted out of my head Saturday night. Justin had a bunch of his friends over and I just drank way too much. I don't remember most of it. I'm pretty embarrassed, but luckily they're all a very understanding group. What gets me about it is that Danny got annoyed and frustrated by the way I was acting, and when I ended up throwing up in bed (ew, by the way, you know it's a bad night when not only do you throw up but it's not in a toilet/trash can/sink) he just left me there, went and blamed other people for letting me get so drunk, and then went to sleep in the game room. Heather came in an took care of me. She stripped the bed, set me up with a pillow with a towel over it in case I threw up again (I did), and even slept in there with me. I ended up waking up at 7:30 or so and wandering into the game room to fall asleep with Danny, though I don't remember that part.

So yes, I was very upset with Danny. I mean, of course it was really my fault for getting so wasted, but if anyone's supposed to look out for me, it's him. He can't blame other people for letting me drink so much. And I can't believe he didn't take care of me, he just let Heather do it. What an asshole. I understand that he was tired and I was irritating in my drunkenness, but at that point I had no control over any of it, and he should have understood that. I talked to him about it. He was not at all apologetic. He told me he didn't deserve to get thrown up on, and when he was at this age and getting wasted out of his head, there was no one to take care of him. He cleaned up all his own messes and sometimes, yes, slept in blood or vomit. I told him that it's different now, we do have each other, and I would always be there for him no matter how frustratingly drunk he got. The closest thing I got to an apology from him was, "Well from now on let's make sure we always take care of each other. Let's not let either one of us drink that much again. Especially me. I'm old now. I'd still be passed out now if it had been me." Or something like that.

But yeah. Once again proving that our roommates are such genuinely good people. I couldn't thank Heather enough.

I desperately need a nap; I got like five hours of sleep last night, and the sleep I got while fucked out of my brain the night before didn't really do anything for me. So I'm probably going to be falling asleep here in a few minutes. And when I wake up I have to go to a Starbucks I found that's actually hiring and hit up the manager.


karriezai: (Default)

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