karriezai: ([batman] rawr)
As much as I'm not mad at Danny or Morgan over the thing last week, it still changes the way I see their conversations/texting/going to see a movie with friends yesterday/etc. I hate being a stupid irrational girl. (Not that boys aren't irrational. So maybe a stupid, irrational human being.)

School is blah. Putting off an assignment until during my classes tomorrow. Probably not the best strategy, but it's happening. I will have an extended lunch because it's the midterm in science methods, though.

STILL NOT WRITING. D: Thinking about writing out all my random little plot ideas. Again. Including fanfiction. (You little bastards always come back around again, don't you?)

House hunting is moving forward at turtle pace, but it is moving. I have managed to save a good amount of money despite "wasting" money on drinking Wednesday, RennFest today, and various food-type-things over the last month. I think we'll be okay.
karriezai: ([asoiaf] armored courtesy)
Recap of events leading up to awkwardness:

For those who don't know, Morgan is Danny and my friend. We met her through Danny's work when he was still commuting over to Virginia. She worked at the Starbucks there, and then he hired her when she applied to Gamestop. There was a fairly brief time period when I was jealous of Danny's relationship with her which started when our texting bill was outrageously high for the first time due to all the texts Danny had been sending to her, resulting in us having to get unlimited texting. (It was, seriously, retarded.) Anyway, this jealousy was due to some serious parallels between us: we had and have tons in common, and she reminded me of me back when Danny started dating me, right down to her working at Starbucks and him being her supervisor.

I got over this just fine in time because Danny and I have a trusting relationship and because he assured me it was more like a big brother relationship (which makes perfect sense seeing as he's eight years her elder, which is a lot when you're considering she was underage at the time). Some posts on the issue from back when it WAS an issue, in order chronologically: here, here, here, and here. They show a clear progression from mildly worried to almost irrationally angry to starting to get over it but still annoyed. (Also, I didn't link it, but I found the entry about his texting with her: he went over by 300 texts that month, more than double the texts our plan allotted at the time, and cost us $30.)

Anyway, pretty boring since then. We don't get to hang out with Morgan much when we're all so busy and she's in Virginia while we both live and work in Maryland now. So Saturday was her birthday, and I forgot to take off work so I could hang out when she came over that evening. I told them I'd try to get off as early as possible but I wasn't sure how plausible it would be, and told them to come visit me at work, so they did. And then they went home (to Danny's parents' house, since we were puppy sitting) and hung out and started drinking for the three-ish other hours I still ended up working, and then I came home and joined them, and we had a fun night other than Danny kidney-punching me and twisting my thumb in a more painful way than usual, which made me angry at him all night but I pushed it away to have fun for Morgan until we went to bed.

So yesterday when I got off work, I asked Danny if he wanted me to come by his midnight release, and he said yeah, there was something he wanted to talk to me about. )

ETA: Talked to Danny. Feel all better. :D
karriezai: ([house] [wilson] win!)
I'm thinking I should rewrite "Unjoined" and try submitting it to WotF again. I believe I've heard of revised entries winning in subsequent years... but it would have to be notably different, I'm sure. Well, of course I can't find anything about it now. But it's worth trying. The worst they can do is reject it, and then I can try it elsewhere.

I'm really excited about Rebel Tales, Holly Lisle's new writing ezine project. It sounds really great--she's building it from the ground up on her own money so it'll be debt-free once it opens for submissions. It'll have six-month "seasons," of which the first issue will be free and subsequent issues will cost money. There will be a regular pass and a Back Stage Pass, the latter allowing access to just about everything you could ever want to know about the process that goes into writing, submitting, and accepting the stories in the zine--great for aspiring writers to see. Seasons stay "in print" until they stop being profitable, and writers keep making money as long as their season is "in print." There's no advance, just a percentage of sales the whole way through. It goes based on the six-month season; there are 60 "credits" in a season, and submitting one story for one issue earns you one point, but that's 1/60th of the total gross profit of the ezine over the six-month season. If you write a six-episode serial for the season, that's 1/10th of the gross profit. Even the editors and publisher (Lisle herself) only make 1/10th of the profit each starting out, although Lisle has admitted that she will increase it if she needs to because her share goes toward funding things like author interviews and cover art, and she has to meet costs.

Anyway, it sounds like a truly worthwhile project, and I'll definitely be subscribing when it opens and spreading it by word of mouth. And if a revised Unjoined doesn't place in WotF, then I'll try it at Rebel Tales once it opens its doors to submissions. Waiting on a response from WotF would give plenty of time for RT to open up and maybe even get some steam behind it before I try submitting.

Umm. Uni classes are annoying as ever. But tomorrow is the internship, so yay. ALSO. Danny got approved for a home loan with zero down. Well, technically closing costs aren't covered, but apparently it's not uncommon practice to make an agreement with the seller that they increase the cost of the home by the amount of the closing costs so that your loan covers the costs over time, but the seller pays the immediate costs knowing that they'll be paid back for it. So. We're looking at a home in Columbia. There was a nice one pretty nearby, but it went into contract very recently, and anyway apparently it turned out as having some sort of mold problem. (Yes, we will check out any house and have it inspected before we buy.) Cousin Justin and his girlfriend are down for moving in and paying rent (which is the only way we'll be able to afford the place this early since I don't have a full-time job yet).

Erm, I guess that's it for now.

bleargh.

9/10/10 01:09
karriezai: (Default)
Sometimes I just want to kick Danny somewhere unpleasant. )

In other news, one of the hostesses at work tonight had a seizure. Apparently she's epileptic, so it's not entirely unusual for her, but it freaked the hell out of everyone else, especially since she fell and hit her head pretty hard. (ETA: She's fine, just embarrassed--not that she should feel embarrassed, but you know how it is. I swear I'm not a callous excuse for a human being, but I already knew she was alright so concern didn't make its way into my entry when I wrote this. It was, after all, one in the morning.) It was a long night, but I made $129, and I needed it. We're looking at houses now because Dennis' brother is raising the rent to $700 plus the $200 we pay in electric for this craphole we live in, which just isn't worth it for a house with no central air or heat and with a leaky ceiling.

Also. Synopsis for Homesake:

"In Somnion, men don't have magic anymore. Legends say that they displeased the gods, and that their magical gifts were taken away as punishment--but the gods left magic in nature as a reminder of what mankind lost. This world is home to Grey, a deserted soldier from the King's Steel in Lumina, and to Kayden, who defies legend with the dragon blood that runs in his veins and gives him the ability to control fire. When these two men come together, Kayden's need for protection on his journey north provides the perfect cover for Grey to hide from any who might try to track him down after his desertion--but what starts mostly as convenience turns into a cause that Grey is deeply entrenched in. Together, these young men will awaken the lost dragons, and along the way discover disturbing truths about the king Grey deserted and the kingdom where his loyalty still lies."

I went to a writing meetup in Columbia yesterday evening, and it was fantastic. It's for writers of YA fiction, which Homesake is even if I don't always write YA. The people are great, and atmosphere really fit for me, and I'm excited to go back. I don't think I'll even bother with trying the Silver Spring group again now that I've found a group with such great chemistry.

lalala

5/10/10 21:18
karriezai: ([nano] plot bunnies)
Ooh. Pretty LJ header.

I'm currently watching Ever After and avoiding things I should actually be doing, as per usual. Such as: I should be scanning in my driver's license to complete my egg donor application. ($10,000 for my eggs if I'm accepted and matched to a recipient!) I should also be piecing together materials/plans/crap/etc. for the upcoming assignments in my methods classes that I need to translate into class with my fifth graders. I was going to try using the first chapter of The Hunger Games for my reading DRA, but I think I'll change it to a short story from one of my two collections. Which I'll need to bring with me tomorrow to plan with Alice.

For my reference, I need to get the following done by the end of this week (my full week at Whetstone): collect two writing samples each from the two students I chose for profiles in Language Arts; complete my DRA for Reading with a small group of kids; pick at least two kids for Math (at least one with a recorded disability of some kind) to assess for understanding in a concept area and plan steps toward addressing any gaps in understanding; conduct Social Studies interview with students; complete midsemester PBA; get photocopy of Language Arts packet from one of the other interns.

ALSO. Print contract for Mirage Games, as if I haven't let that sit long enough. And finish up this egg donor application process. Sooner that's done, the better.

I waver in confidence with the development of Homesake as a young adult novel. I have a name now for all three of Grey's swords (and thus all three of the novels). I'm unsure about this "Grey" thing now because he will start the book as Roan now that I'm starting with his acceptance into the King's Steel. He will still want an alias, but will he be honest with Kayden? Or will he think it's best to just introduce himself as Grey so they aren't overheard in private using his real name?

Also. Stuff going down with roommates making life more interesting/stressful. Dennis' brother and sister-in-law decided to raise the rent. Dennis doesn't have to pay anything (he never has, but at first he made it sound like he did), but Danny, Justin, and I are each expected to pay $350. For Danny and Justin, that's a $100 bump. For me, $200. For Danny and me, it's not worth it. Rent plus electric will be $900 for the two of us. So we're looking very seriously into moving out, even have cousin Justin on board to rent a room with his girlfriend so we can afford a better place. It's the down payment that worries me at the moment. Egg donation could really help, but only if by some miracle I get the fastest process possible. (I really should scan my license in.) There are some nice houses for sale in a really decent area for around $150,000. Alone, we couldn't afford it, but with roomies... definitely.

And if you're wondering why $900/month isn't worth it to live in a house, let me explain: it's a house with no central air or heat, with a roof that leaks, with a driveway that never gets plowed in the winter when it snows, and with various other defects. (They still won't give us a key to the garage. Where do you get off charging that much for this shithole and not letting us use the garage?)

Blah.
karriezai: ([hp] avada kedavra)
So I neglected to mention that I'm applying to be an egg donor! I'm getting some more family info from my mom. I have a lot of stuff I need to print and mail, though. This thing, the contract for that video game developer... Actually, that might be it.

I skipped school today and yesterday. Probably the only time I can get away with it. Two classes weren't scheduled anyway, and of the four remaining, they seemed to make this a light week because we're moving into our first full week at our internship next week.

Not writing though. I am so much fail.

And the cat is putting my foot to sleep.
Tags:
karriezai: ([avatar] azula people person)
Meh. I'm enjoying my internship. There are very frustrating parts, which I suppose is to be expected when working with kids, but overall it's a terrific experience. Fifth graders, ah. I had to switch one little girl to a new seat because the kids around her made fun of her when she tried to behave well (her mom works at the school, so if she doesn't behave she gets in big trouble), but when I moved the boy she traded seats with to her old seat, the kids who'd been making fun of her immediately said, "Ew, I don't like him! Can't he sit over there?" And he's a sweet, quiet little boy, which is why I thought it'd be a better seating arrangement, but apparently these kids are just jerks.

Anyway. I adore my mentor, and she has nothing but good things to say about me, so I think it's a good arrangement.

I recently finished reading Hero by Perry Moore and Eon by Alison Goodman, both of which I enjoyed quite a lot. Hero was a superhero story where the main character is gay, and I loved the whole premise and the eventual romance, even if the early crush in the story (on Ultraman) was a little awkward to me. Eon was a fantasy based heavily on Chinese culture, and I loved everything about it except one frustration: I hate it when the main character can't figure out the solution to a problem that is completely obvious because it just makes them seem stupid. For the most part it wasn't too bad, but there was one particular scene in the story when the main character's dense-headedness made me temporarily put down the book, sigh, roll my eyes, and squash my annoyance down before I could continue.

I should get back to The Way of Kings soon, but it's very heavy reading for all the stuff I have going on lately, so I'm hesitant to get too deep in just yet. I'll probably read Blood Ninja first. (Ninjas and vampires?! Hells yes!)

God, so much stuff coming up for my uni classes. I've got to find an efficient way to organize everything and get my crap together.

There's lots more, but meh, I don't feel like typing. I feel like reading. :)
karriezai: ([asoiaf] life's not a song)
I got an email from a guy saying he's the lead developer at a company working on a new MMORPG, and that they were looking for writers to design the story. He hoped that I would put out his opportunity at SynTru in case any members might be interested.

I'm naturally cynical of this, of course, but it sounds very professional and there's an attached website that looks pretty legit. I searched for any similar hoaxes or scams and found none. If anything, I expect he might be looking for cheap labor, but I guess I don't really mind that if I get real credit. It could be a way to break out, if it works out. Of course there's no guarantee, but hey, it'd be fun enough that I don't think I'd consider it wasted effort or anything like that. So I'm pursuing it for the moment, but I'm being cautious. Sending things that I can prove are mine (Honorable Mentions from WotF) or things I don't terribly mind losing.

School is going well, internship-wise. I'm not looking forward to the uni workload, though. My mentor is the best lady ever, and we match so well. She loves me just as much as I love her. She's super lenient, but I'm really serious about this so I'm not slacking. I'm going when I'm not required and everything. And I'm taking over as many lessons as I can even though it's early on. It's fun, plus it's practice. And the kids need to see me as a teacher before takeover in the spring.

Roommates are being a pain in the ass. We made a list of shit they do that pisses us off. It's pretty long. We've been ignoring it for too long, and we're going to have to talk it out.

I'll leave it there for now.
karriezai: ([iron man] dual identity)
Oh where, oh where has she gone?

-pokes self-

I feel like... it would be an awful shame to stop writing altogether until November, even if I did get through Homesake during/after the month. But I don't feel motivated right now, even to sit down and put together plot events or character profiles... even though these are things I need to do now that I've changed the story around so much.

Maybe I should write something else. Or maybe the break would be good. It seems so horribly long, a month and a half, but...

At least I've done homework.

I went to a writers' meetup in Silver Spring yesterday morning. It was alright. I'll probably try it again, but I'm not sure if it's quite what I'm looking for. I have next Saturday off again, so it's not as if I have anything better to do.

I went to Brandon Sanderson's book signing at the Bailey's Crossroads Borders in Virginia Wednesday night. I picked up a copy of The Way of Kings. I also got Danny something called The Ninja Handbook but I think I'm going to return it since he hasn't touched it despite me reminding him, so obviously he doesn't care and it'd be better to get my $15 back. And yesterday after my writers' meetup I got this young adult fantasy, Eon, which I'm almost tempted to read before The Way of Kings but probably won't.

Did I post already that Mockingjay made me bawl? I think so. Suzanne Collins will be in the Arundel Mills Books-A-Million on Thursday, September 23rd, and I am so going. Shane is reading The Hunger Games. If he likes it and his parents let him come, I'll take him. If they won't let him come, I'll get him his own signed copy. I would think it'd be a good, educational-type field trip, but it's also his Back to School Night, so that might take precedence.

Erm. Yeah.
karriezai: ([hp] [puff] equality except for idiots)
^^see entry title^^

I connected my LJ to Facebook.

I'm not going to go around linking my comments on other people's journals to Facebook. To be honest I'll probably forgot I've done this after two days. But eh, I update on here more than on Facebook, so it'll be nice to have my LJ ping my Facebook with a "LOOK, SHE IS ALIVE!"

...even when no one there can read this XD
karriezai: ([house] oops)
Danny is home. We just watched Jerry Maguire, which was good, and now he's watching preseason Redskins, which is less good. I like watching the Redskins live, but I get bored easily watching it on TV--especially preseason games. I've never been a sporty person, so I guess it's not surprising.

I ran another lesson today with the kids. I brought in a whole bunch of books for a lesson on how to pick a book to read for fun. It didn't go perfectly; the power had been out for a while and remained out for the whole lesson, and making kids concentrate when it's dark and hot is pretty difficult. One group in particular was very disruptive, with the throwing my books around and yelling. Frustrating. But Alice thought I did very well, even if afterward I couldn't help thinking of little things I could have done better. I guess that, since it's only my third day, not doing brilliantly is not altogether unexpected. Especially under the circumstances. But many of the kids were really excited about my books, which made me happy. I just wish I had extra copies to lend out... but I'm not comfortable lending out a bunch of my hardcovers. I did lend out the Halo book that follows the first game, though--mainly because I don't mind if I lose it. I found it to be boring. I liked the prequel book better; Shane has that one, and I know he'll return it.

I still need to get Graceling back from Megan, and the Keisha'ra books from Yuka. I'm definitely more concerned about getting Graceling back. I don't think I'd miss the others terribly.

Anyway, so far I love the internship. I could do without the University classes, but ah. They'll be done in a couple months. And they'll probably be a huge help despite being annoyingly jam-packed with assignments.

Things I'm concerned about: The actual curriculum/making lesson plans by day-week-month-year; being a disciplinarian for the kids; and of course fitting all the University work into the internship and what limited "free time" I have. Oh, and writing. x_x;
karriezai: ([asoiaf] seems i must be a warrior)
Righto. I've started my internship. It's made for some long days, but it's totally worth it so far. I'll be keeping this relatively short so I can go shower and perhaps even sleep at a reasonable hour.

Thursday and Friday I went for the professional development days. Friday I woke up at 6:30, got to my internship by 8, left at 3 to get to work at 4, where work was BUSYASSHIT and I didn't get off until 1am. Now, I made $184, so it was worth it, but talk about a long day. Saturday was also very busy, but with no morning events, so not so long. Sunday I woke up at 6:30 to take Danny to the airport, dropped him off, came home and showered, then slept another hour before leaving for work at 10:40am. I was going to be late morning person, but Raechel was risking overtime if she closed lunch, so I stayed late so she could be cut before she hit overtime. I worked until about 6, made $95 or so.

Monday I went to Whetstone for the first day of school. Met all my fifth graders, and found that when I actually put effort into learning names I can pick them up very quickly. By the end of the day I knew all 23 kids even if they approached me out of context. It was a crazy first day--we had an iPod stolen before lunch and returned by the end of the day, and we have this really bright boy in class who is really disruptive and had to be removed twice for a talk... It's crazy because he's a great writer, clever, but just can't be respectful enough to keep from making all sorts of noise when other people are talking.

After school finished up at 3:45, I left for work and got there barely before 5 due to various traffic ... blahs. Worked until 9:30. Yesterday I had University classes. I thought I was done trekking across campus to the math building, but AGH my second Tuesday class is the building just PAST the math building, it's awful. All the others are in the Ed building, which is right on Lot 1, super close to where I park. After school I went up to Whetstone for the ice cream social, which was nice. Katie was there--one of the few classmates I already knew before introductions yesterday. She's super sweet.

Today I was at Whetstone again with the kids. I met the math and reading classes, which are partially homeroom kids and partially new faces, but I picked up on the new names very quickly. I helped Alice (my mentor teacher, who is beyond amazing) pick out books for reading class teams, and I get to do Ella Enchanted with one of the groups, which makes me unbelievably excited. I love that book. After that I rushed home to tutor Shane.

Tomorrow I'll be at Whetstone again, and I'll leave a little early to run pick up Danny at the airport, back from his conference in San Antonio. If he's up to it, I'll take him to Whetstone so he can see the school. If not, we can wait until later.

The only other news I have, I guess, is that I made a B in the class I was worried about! Yay, no Cs on my record.

AND OH. Did I mention that I read the third Hunger Games book, Mockingjay? It made me bawl. Danny was home for the end of it and he laughed at me crying and it pissed me off so badly. But it was an amazing conclusion. I don't think it'll be long before I'm rereading the series.
karriezai: ([avatar] halp!)
I am in such a slump. I just have no desire to write. Or at least zero motivation. Or, well, I'm not sure how you describe it--all I mean is that no writing is getting done, and I'm super stuck.

I took my final yesterday in MATH111. I skipped SO MUCH class--honestly, out of 28 days I only went for around seven or eight, including exam days. I took two quizzes (got a 10/10 on each) and got some form of participation points for one day, so I'm optimistically hoping that I have 25 quiz/participation points. I got a 95 on the first exam, and I'm not sure about the second exam but I know I got one question set wrong so I'm estimating an 85. IF that is correct, given that I need 360 points to get a B in the class and the final is worth 150... oh crap. Okay, so I'm pretty much guaranteed a C. Bah. That'll be my first C... ever. D: I mean, it's possible I got higher on the second exam, but even still I'd have to ace the final and I know for a fact that I made a silly little rounding mistake that will probably lose me at least some credit on a couple questions.

Blah. Oh well, I guess.

Back to writing... I'm changing Blood and Heat around, putting more focus on Grey and changing the locale to Duos instead of the west. But that involves, well, a lot of change. And development of Duos that I hadn't gotten around to yet. And my phobia: making a realistic kingdom. It's hard for me to figure out how to make a king evil when he still has enough respect to BE king. -headdesk- Plus, I'm thinking about starting earlier, maybe even back when Grey was accepted into the king's guard, but I'm afraid of putting that much of a gap between the beginning of the book and introducing Kayden. Grey's becoming more of the main character, which is cool, but Kayden is still supposed to share the spotlight.

And then there's how in the hell to introduce Kella. I want Grey to meet Kayden first, and Kella could complicate things. Unless I did something really out there, like making Kella a friend of Grey's to start with--which would introduce its own problems but could be a lot of fun if I worked it out right... It would make Kella even less trustworthy. It would be very difficult to do well though. -headdeskheaddesk-

Danny and I are going to Ocean City tonight. It keeps getting shorter; bad timing all around, and as mad as I am at his work, it would have been easier to work out if I didn't have summer classes to limit my own time. But at least my limitations were solid, they didn't move around or appear out of nowhere. We originally scheduled a vacation for this Tuesday-Thursday and paid for a hotel by the beach, which would have been amazing, until his work decided to announce that his inventory would be on Thursday. So we moved it to this weekend, but then his FIFA tournament was moved to this weekend. It was supposed to be Sunday, so we were going to leave yesterday after my final. Leaving around noon, we would have gotten there with PLENTY of time yesterday and then all day today. But then he realized, no, his FIFA thing was today, so we have to wait for him to get home so we can go to Ocean City, so we'll be lucky if we get there while it's still light out... We can stay tomorrow, but it's still less time, and it pisses me off. D:

Eh. We're watching True Blood, and I'm really enjoying it. I really like Eric now and I'm basically rooting for Bill to disappear or die and for Sookie and Eric to end up together... lol.
karriezai: ([lolcat] o_O)
Okay so.

I submitted Unjoined to Clarkesworld Magazine. The queue moves quickly; when I submitted a few days ago I my submission was listed somewhere above 100, and at the moment it's at 15. But the magazine has limited space. Only two stories a month, and of these only one is from new talent/the submissions system. Sooo, I'm hoping.

I'm rereading Orson Scott Card's How to Write Science Fiction and Fantasy, and it's giving me a lot of food for thought. Right now I'm struggling with the MICE quotient--the idea that your story is either a Milieu, Idea, Character, or Event story. Obviously any one story can have components of more than one of these, but the beginning and end of the story is determined by which one of these ultimately fits your story. If it's a Milieu story, it starts with an outsider arriving in a novel land, and ends with him either leaving or choosing to stay. If it's an Idea story, it starts with a question or problems that needs to be solved, and ends with it being answered. If it's a Character story, it starts with a character beginning to change and grow from the place they are now, and ends when they've completed the change/found an acceptable place for themselves. If it's an Event story, it begins with the main character in a world that's been disturbed/wronged in some way, and ends with this character fixing the disturbance and setting the world to rights.

Soooo, I'm having trouble not just determining which one of these I need for my story, but also which one some other stories fit into. Like I suppose... Mistborn is an Event story. That's easy enough, I think; Vin and the other characters are the crew that will finally "fix" the world from the way the Lord Ruler and Ruin left it. But the one I just read, The Dead-Tossed Waves (which was really good by the way)? I'm not so sure. It starts with Gabry's world changing, being placed into upheaval, when she's finally convinced to leave the safety of her town and it goes all wrong when she and her friends are attacked by a Breaker--a super-fast zombie. But it doesn't end with her righting her world. There are still zombies, and she leaves the safety of home behind, probably permanently. She certainly grows up, though... so perhaps it's a Character story, except she doesn't precisely choose the change she goes through. It's kind of forced on her.

I'm being hopeless and rethinking Blood and Heat again. Kind of... seeing what would change if I focused on making it an Event or Idea or Character story. (It's definitely not Milieu.) Hm. It's in a state of flux right now. We'll see how it settles. Maybe nothing will change. No idea yet.

Blah.

ruh roh

26/7/10 01:38
karriezai: ([kh] [akuroku] sticks totally gay for)

To whom it concerns:

Power went out in my area around 3:30pm today. A MAJOR power outage, over a quarter million people affected, including my house, job, boyfriend's job, and boyfriend's parents house. I'm posting this from my iPhone, but otherwise have no Internet access until whenever they manage to fix this. One call to pepco reported it would be fixed by Thursday and another by 10pm tonight. Obviously 10pm is well past so I can only hope it doesn't take all the way until Thursday.

I love you Kat! I know you can take care of SynTru while this gets sorted out :D D:

wow

23/7/10 03:16
karriezai: ([kh] [akuroku] sticks totally gay for)

This is long. I'll edit some lj-cuts in tomorrow but for now...

Today was hard. They put Hobbes down today. Everyone took it hard. I even cried for her a little -- I knew I would cry with so many heartbroken people around me, but I didn't expect to cry for her when I never really liked her much. She just seemed a little snobby or high-strung. I don't tell Danny this of course. But it's true. I've found that I like dogs. I even played with Sean today and it was terrific. But Hobbes' personality just never suited me. In fact it turned me away. (I really hope and believe that it wasn't jealousy, though I felt that occasionally too since I know how much Danny loved her.)

Anyway, it was so hard to see it happen and think about them having to make that decision to let her go when she was still lucid. She wasn't eating or drinking and she often fell and couldn't get up, but she still walked around and was interested in people and went outside to use the bathroom. They wanted her to suffer as little as possible but it's still so hard to think that they have to make the decision to put her down when there's no real way of knowing her feelings on the subject.

And it was surprisingly painful to see her limp in Sue's arms. Harder to see Sue sobbing over her, but hard to see her gone as well.

I love this family though. There is so much love. So many people came to comfort us. Neighbors and relatives alike.

Sue has taken it so hard. It's hard to see her sobbing in moments without distraction. She drank a lot, tripped and fell, and I just felt terrible because there's nothing I can do. And she probably needs some alone time to cry herself out but it seems wrong to leave her alone.

It was so peaceful though. They couldn't have done it better. The vet came out here, sedated her, then did the tourniquet and shaving and injection. There was no pain for Hobbes and no fear like at the vet. Just confusion and worry for her sad family, which is understandable.

Danny and I drank and played Magic and tried a little generic vicodin at the end of the night tonight, and then I talked to him about our different styles of expressing our love... I'm chatty on vicodin apparently, but I meant what I said and I hope to continue the conversation tomorrow. I think it will help clear some things up. Unfortunately, it can't do everything. I can't expect him to suddenly develop more sensitivity to the little things I want from him. But I'm sure he feels the same way about me when it comes to certain expressions of intimacy, so it's something we'll have to communicate and work through with time.

D:

8/7/10 20:10
karriezai: ([avatar] sweetheart/bitterheart)
Still not writing.

I reread Graceling and it was perhaps even more wonderful the second time through, but the amazing characterization gave me a huge inferiority complex.

I tried to express to Danny how much it sucks that writing is such a big part of me but it's only a frustration to him. He didn't respond. He did tell me, when I tried to express the fact that I wrote way more stories to completion when I had real life friends reading them consistently and caring about my writing, that if I blame him for me not writing a book then we will end up breaking up. Nice stretch there.

I've been thinking about the fact that he doesn't care about my writing though, and how hard that is, and wondering... if I met someone who really did care... what would happen?

D:

junk...

6/7/10 17:58
karriezai: ([asoiaf] song of ice)
I am full of epic fail. I haven't been writing much. I skipped my third class of a summer class with only 12 meetings and I have the final on Thursday and haven't been paying attention in class anyway. I should have gone if only so I could get my midterm and paper grades back. I guess I don't really care that much. I mean, I hope I get at least a B since I've never gotten a C before. And I seriously doubt I could get less than a C, so I'm not worried about that. It wasn't a very interesting class. Unless I bomb the final, I guess. I should find some way to study. Blah.

It's very hot in this stupid room. Stupid summer.

I'm failing at SynTru. It's not really that much work, but I just haven't felt like pulling the points together for last week, and tomorrow I'm supposed to pull the points together for THIS week... and stuff... blah.

Work's been okay. I've been making good money. I'm still a little slow at side work but I'm doing fine. Occasionally have a dream about being super weeded and not being able to help all my tables. Hate those.

I've been talking to Devon, my cousin, about writing. It's a lot of fun. His writing style is way different from mine, not what I'd ordinarily read. Very rough right now, but with editing could be something someone else would really like to read--it's very descriptive though, where I like writing that keeps moving.

Gotta go meet Danny to eat.
karriezai: ([avatar] sokkatara omg)
I went with Danny and Sue to take Hobbes to the vet yesterday and it was just about the saddest thing I've ever seen. She doesn't bark when she's scared but her mouth was shivering and she looked completely terrified. Once they drew blood she started whimpering, and then Sue asked the vet to trim her nails because she hates doing it herself, and he cut too far on both back paws and drew blood and then Hobbes started just crying and struggling trying to get the hell out of there. I'd never been to a vet before and I never realized how horrible it is.

Then today they got the blood work back and found out that Hobbes' kidneys are failing, and she only has weeks left before she stops eating entirely or slips into a coma, and that's it. She's 15 so it's not a huge surprise, but Sue and Jon were heartbroken. I went by to see them. And I ate dinner with Danny before that and told him (he didn't want to wait to hear it from his mom) and he wasn't as sad--he was kind of expecting it--but he did reminisce about growing up with Hobbes.

It's weird because I don't even really like Hobbes that much. I mean, she's a spoiled brat. I like dogs well enough (not as much as cats, but I do), but it's her personality--they spoiled her to death and she thinks she has a right to your food... I mean, I don't have anything against her of course, and I would never ever wish her harm. Seeing her scared like that at the vet almost made me cry it was so terrible. But among dogs, she's not my favorite. I feel bad saying it, but it's true.

I'm behind on a lot of stuff. SynTru stuff for starters. I'm gonna go work on that. And then writing... aghh.
Tags:
karriezai: ([hp] [puff] equality except for idiots)
Posted at SynTru:

OKAYSO. Two major events on Kher's writing front today.

The YAY, as several of you already heard me gush about in the chatbox, is that I met Brandon Sanderson today. He signed my hardcovers of his Mistborn trilogy and also my Writers of the Future certificate. It's the same exact award he won the year immediately before his first novel was published.

I've developed a new goal to publish my own novel within a year and send him a copy with a huge THANK YOU.

On that note, in my rush to get to my appointment to have my computer looked at this morning, I was an idiot and accidentally erased 2,000 words of my book instead of backing it up D: I'm just that much of a moron. Fortunately, that's not a huge deal. I'm hoping to rewrite it and use it as a slingshot to get me through the slow part I was struggling with anyway.




Yes. Brandon Sanderson is basically amazing.

Danny is away for the weekend on a motorcycle trip with his dad. I kinda miss him but I could really use this time for writing. (I should do that now.)

Also, went to see Sex and the City 2 with Sue and Peggy. We had drinks beforehand, it was a fun outing. But there was one point in the movie when the audience reaction made me despair for the state of the modern relationship D: I won't say what in case anyone cares about spoilers, but yes.