suck.

2/11/10 20:35
karriezai: ([asoiaf] bugger everything)
[personal profile] karriezai
Have not written yet for NaNo. Don't really have the energy. Kinda depressed, even. Had another talk with Danny last night, this time about his lack of physical affection. He made it sound like I'm asking for too much. I don't think I am, but whatever; I decided to back off and let him come to me when he wants to for a while, and then decide if that's often enough for me. If I can give it a good, honest week of me not touching him unless clearly invited, it should give me a good idea of whether I can tolerate this business.

Looked up more houses. Feels kind of silly at this point but I have to look forward, and we can't live here much longer one way or another.

I'm pretty scared of all the serious talks we've been having lately. Danny told me last night... what did he say? Something like he loves me but he can't be physically affectionate the way I want him to be, and if that's a problem then he doesn't know what will happen... or something. I don't know. I'm afraid of where this is leading. It just seems very one-sided. He says he loves me and I'm the most important person to him but I'm the one who's always done all the changing and trying. Maybe that's not fair--I mean, before me he was out at the bars with his friends all the time, but I'm not sure if that was a change just because of me. He might not go back to that now regardless.

I told him I want to take him out to eat tonight and he said sorry, he just ate Chipotle. And he just called to ask if it's okay if Carol and Lena come over to try out the Kinect. I mean... I like them, they're nice girls, and if I wasn't feeling low I'd think it was a great idea. But I'm not going to say no. There's no point in me turning them away to mope, after all. I told him I don't care either way.

School is a tangled mess too. Our science methods professor just told us that anyone who missed class has to write a six-page paper relating this article he gave us to what we've seen in class. And a classmate just told me there's an additional assignment if you've missed more than one day, which I have. We don't have time for that sort of crap. I looked up the university attendance policy and it said the professor needs to put their own participation/how attendance affects grades policy in the syllabus and/or let us know at the beginning of the year, which he didn't. The syllabus just says attendance is important, let him know ahead of time if there's a conflict with getting to class so arrangements can be made... you know, the basic if you miss a due date or assignment because of an unexcused absence, you don't get credit sort of deal. And I haven't missed anything like that. So it shouldn't be allowable, and if it comes to it I'll address it with the university. Preferably if other students will back me up.

And I just haven't felt like doing anything. I let my assignments slide until the last second. Today I was running late to class because I stayed at home an extra fifteen minutes to finish an assignment, and on the way to school I rear-ended another car. The light turned green and the two cars in front of me started to go, but then all of a sudden decided to stop. Well, my brakes aren't so great. I didn't stop fast enough. The driver in front of me was a Hispanic guy, probably no insurance, since he just told me it was fine and didn't take my insurance info. Seeing as my car's already a bit of a mess, there was nothing but a bit of paint damage, and I don't want my insurance record marked up again, I was fine with this. And it was almost lucky since it was a reason to be late to class.

Blah. Life. Hate it.
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